The Optometrist

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1

Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness.

All wonderful things the doctors like to tell you about for the rest of your life after you're diagnosed with diabetes. Since I was eight years old these complications run through my head with every high blood sugar.

Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness.

At this point I have accepted the likelihood of experiencing one or more of these lovely consequences. I find myself holding my breath at every doctor appointment. Just waiting for the doctor to say "This is it."

Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness.

While many diabetics can live perfectly normal and healthy lives, fear is not entirely unfounded. Being diabulimic for almost 10 years has led to an excessive amount of DKAs for me. I am healthy now, but really who knows what damage I have done.

Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness.

I wear glasses. I've worn them since I was 10 years old and I know that prescriptions change over time. So when I went to the optometrist today I was ready to hear that I needed a stronger prescription. What I wasn't ready for was the cloudy spot on my lens (a super early sign of cataracts) or my "very thin optic nerve." I could feel my pulse quickening:

Nerve damage.
Blindness.

"Did my blood sugars do that?"

"No, it's hereditary, and not anything to lose sleep over at this point"

Although not the best news, I felt a slight bit of relief. I'm not going blind, it's not time yet.

For the rest of my life I will worry. I will worry as a parent, and how that will change my son's life and how much everything will cost. I will worry as a child and sister, how that will make my family feel. I will worry with every blood pressure and every doctor's visit.

There is nothing I can do to change what's been done. I can only move forward. I do wonder what will happen when the time comes. Who will be there? Will I be alone? Will I have to move back in with my parents?

In the meantime it is just on repeat....

Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness....

2

don't worry so much
healthy people who don't have diabetes get sick too
my husband was healthy & i had t1
he had a heart attack at 46 years old & i am still here
have been diabetic for 76+ years
so keep smiling

3

For me I already have heart disease might have to have third surgery. My heart dr told me don’t let BG get over 150.

4

Oh yeah the drs told me I will not make to 50.

5

Just try to take a deep breath- you can't change the past, but just continue to take good care of yourself now, which is great! Shoshana is right, we never know what will happen with out health, my mom passed away years ago from a brain aneurysm. My retinologist and another one said there is a shadow of cataract also but they said it isn't even worth mentioning, so I'm wondering why they did, maybe because my blurry vision hasn't totally resolved since dka last year. I'm worried, yes of course, but I tend to be a type a, type 1 also, lol. I have started using some eye drops with l carnisine and taking cinnamon though just in case it may help prevent anything real from happening. Keep in mind that cataract surgery will be done if you need it so you're not likely to go blind from that even if it does progress more at some point. Another thing I started doing is taking losartan, a bp med that acts on the kidneys, my cardiologist says there are studies that show it will prevent kidney damage, it has no effect on my bp which is usually low and I seem to be tolerating it pretty well so far.

6

Maybe you can change the mantra from:
Nerve damage.
Kidney failure.
Heart disease.
Blindness....
To
Warrior
Amazing
Strong
Overcomer
Excellence

Just a thought. Positive thoughts.

7

negative thoughts are depressing
positive thoughts are upliftiiiing
smile & the world smiles with you