Have you ever been on a roller coaster ride? There are so many different kinds, these days… but the theme is usually the same. A big climb, a lot of dreaded anticipation, a lot of twists and turns… And maybe even riding upside down. Yes, roller coasters have come a long way in giving their riders the ultimate in thrill seeking. A lot of roller coaster makers work hard on having the most gravity defying rides, or having the tallest drops. Honestly, I don’t find those elements to be the scariest. You say I’m crazy, I know… but as scary as those are, there are three elements that are far scarier in roller coaster riding:
1. The seeming lack of control;
2. The lack of anticipation; and
3. The fear for your own safety.
Which leads me to riding on Disney's Space Mountain. Have you ever ridden on Space Mountain? Seriously? The whole ride is in the pitch black. You can't even see the palm of your hand in front of you, much less the person next to you. For security, you're supposed to hold on to this little bar in front of you, and there are no seat belts; hold on to a bar you can barely see. The ride takes rises, dives, and sharp turns... NONE of them which you can anticipate, because you CAN'T see them. You can't tell what's going on, and at every moment you think either your friends already fell off the ride, or you're next! That is probably one of the scariest sensations there is: That lack of total control -- no senses, no anticipation, no apparent personal safety.
Life can be much like a roller coaster ride; the problem is many of us do not get to choose which roller coaster ride we are given... and while you may anticipate some things, Diabetes is a lot more like Space Mountain than any other ride. Some of us try to be tough, while internally we're anything but; some of us may complain, and bemoan the roller coaster, while inside we are as strong as an ox. Whatever reaction we have, though, to that roller coaster ride, is an acceptable reaction; it is OUR reaction. Never judge the fellow two seats in front of you for THEIR reaction. Maybe you've ridden the roller coaster for a number of years, now... and you take yourself as some sort of an expert. Maybe people used to belittle you, instead, because you got scared or upset at the roller coaster, or maybe you complained about it's lack of safety. Now you've overcome those things, perhaps with help, and to draw attention away from your own fear, it works for you to point the finger at those who are still scared, or still complaining. You say "Deal with it! No one has died on this ride, or lost a leg or an arm, on this ride that wasn't following good precautions," but really, you don't know that, do you? You don't. Some of us take a LOT longer to get used to the roller coaster, "tame" it, face it, deal with it... And some of us see it more fit to close our eyes right through the entire ride... Dangerous or not.
We all have our coping mechanisms:
1. At least this ride is not as dangerous as other rides;
2. If I hold on to the bar really good nothing bad will happen to me;
3. If I don't lose emotional control, scream, yell, holler, bemoan, all through my ride, I'll show the world I'm tough, and prove to myself that I am tough;
4. The ride will end safely at the end, and nothing bad will happen to me;
5. This is a very "manageable" ride;
6. If I belittle the reactions of the fellow in front of me, no one will look at my own;
7. Those other people are idiots because they "chose" to ride, yet I was here on accident... I got tricked into this ride! (My Dad's excuse for EVERY roller coaster ride, ever... lol)
8. Emotions are only good for the beginning of the ride, but now that we've been on it, for a while, we should somehow anticipate the next move, and shut up about it; Deal with it.
Do these sound really silly to you? Well if they do, that's because they ARE. Every time we hide our own emotional struggles, and throw rocks at those who are still having them, in whatever shape they might take (complete denial, inaction, anger, complacency, petulance, childishness, complaining, complete and utter fear, clinical depression, etc.) we are denying everyone's own roller coaster experience. We are saying life is predictable, and easily anticipated.
I remember my last job for a medium sized manufacturing firm, in Human Resources. We had just hired a new employee... He had been on the job all of one day. On that one day, his wife decided to take their little daughter to Adventureland, a local theme park. They went on the rides, but one of the rides had poor maintenance, and a board was loose out of place, and the little girl got seriously hurt... The board went flying and hit her on the head; she had to get operated to remove a blood clot and reduce her head's swelling. (http://www.kcci.com/news/9574871/detail.html, http://www.kicentral.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=7908) Of course, the theme park denied every bit of wrongdoing. "It wasn't the ride that hurt you." I guess they must've thought she didn't hold on to the bar hard enough. (Note my sarcasm here.)
Our lives are like roller coaster rides that get menial maintenance, at best, from the ravages of age and time. It is FAR from a predictable ride that will ALWAYS hold you in safety just by holding on to a bar. My father did everything hew KNEW to control his Diabetes: diet, exercise, medications, insulin... Yet, he got every complication in the book (including a leg amputation), and he died a painful, horrible death, from his Diabetes. Was he always a pillar of strength? No. Did he complain a lot, sometimes? You bet. Do I fault him? Not one day. Our emotions and behavior will vary, a LOT, through this roller coaster ride... every heart and mind is different. If the bar protected us all, all the time, some of us wouldn't need stitches; some of us wouldn't need antidepressants, or insulin, or metmorphine. Some of us are genetically wired for having complications in our roller coaster ride... and that's nothing anyone can prevent. No diet, no exercise. No pills, no magic. We are all far from innocent acting like we've never endlessly complained about our roller coaster ride. I know we have. Even Job, in the Bible, complained about HIS 'ride,' and frankly.... I'm not better than Job. I doubt any one of us is, really.
My dad's ride only lasted 23 years... Do you think it only lasted that long because he didn't hold on to the bar hard enough? Seriously? I've seen some bruises on you... I know you haven't been always holding on to that bar. How long is YOUR ride going to last? It's time to accept that we are only strong... when we admit that we are weak... We are frail vessels, and as such, we need to sometimes be strong for those who are not yet in a place where they can be. Perhaps help people learn that it helps to hold on to the bar... But don't belittle them. Don't say their ride is not good enough, and there are scarier rides... Don't assume they got hurt from not holding on to the bar. BE a force of change, not a force of havoc.
