Okay, so I know I shouldn’t be, but I am so freaking frustrated with my stupid A1c.
Four months ago I thought for sure it would be below 8.0% and was disappointed to get an 8.2%. Now this time around I was absolutely sure it would be below 7.5% and I just got it back this afternoon … 7.6%.
I know I shouldn’t be, but I am just so freaking annoyed at that stupid number. I know that it’s 0.6% lower than it was four months ago and that’s great and I just need to keep doing what I’m doing … But all I want is to be able to keep my A1c at around 6.8%. I don’t want crazy tight control, at least not right now because I know I will never get there without a CGM (I tried and failed for five years to get an A1c below 6.5% and it just caused massive burnout). So I thought by setting my sights higher to keeping it below 7.0% it would be more possible/manageable … and I just find it so frustrating that I struggle so much even to get there! It drives me nuts when I see people saying those numbers are bad when it’s 110% effort for me just to get there.
I just don’t know what else I can do. I already test 8-10x a day. According to that A1c my average blood sugar is around 9.5 (171 mg/dl). I suppose maybe I am missing highs but I already test a ton including in the middle of the night about every second night, and after pretty much every meal or snack I eat. I am already putting a ton of effort into diabetes management including hardly ever eating out, keeping a consistent schedule as of the past month or two, pre-bolusing, jumping on highs as soon as they happen, tweaking pump settings sometimes daily based on trends in my readings … My readings are still not perfect but, really, I don’t think I can ever get them perfect. I had a random 16.7 in the middle of the night the other night when I’d gone to bed at 7.3 with no food on board. I was 13.7 after breakfast this morning when all week that EXACT same breakfast has put me at 7-8. I tweaked my pump settings but unless I can predict the future I can’t do anything about highs like that.
I just hate how you can do everything right with this disease (and this disease takes a lot of effort to do everything right!!!) and still feel like your efforts have been a failure. I hate that. It’s like I’m taking a course I don’t want to take, studying as hard as I can, and still getting mediocre grades. How is that supposed to motivate me to keep up that kind of work forever?!?!
And what makes it worse is it’s not just a “grade” but it’s also a higher risk of complications, which is mostly why I want that lower number. I think because this year I’m approaching both 20 years of Type 1 and my 30th birthday, and I’m going, “Whoa, I’ve lived with diabetes for a long time and am still pretty young!” I’ve been more keenly aware of that recently than I used to be.
Anyway … I know, I know, it’s just a number. All I can do is keep doing what I’ve been doing. And that’s what I will do now that I’ve finished my rant. I just needed somewhere I could go ARGH before continuing to plug along …
Jen, Thank you for not being perfect either. My last A1c was 7. I’m trying but lately even no carbs at breakfast make my blood sugar shoot up. We are both doing the best we can, old timer and newbie, so I’m here for you.
I wonder if your testing kit is as accurate as it should be?
Also hormones, infections, stress etc can make a difference, even if you do not notice them always. Even your other medications could be causing it to go up.
If it is any comfort, I am frequently hypo and still only managed a 9.9 at the last test! It could be hormones (I am post menopausal) or it could be stress - I have plenty of that - and I have had quite a few infections, so in fact, I am not overly surprised, and thought I would actually be higher! I got a slap on the wrist, but I am not worrying too much!
OMG. Do you realize how hard you are on yourself. In just four months, you dropped from an A1c of 8.2% down to 7.6%, that is dropping your average like 20 mg/dl. Life is a journey of a thousand steps. You have made wonderful progress in this step.
Don’t measure yourself by some number, but by your devotion to your care. Take pride in what you have been doing. You have made significant postive changes. You won’t “fix” it and it may well prove impossible to perfectly attain aggressive goals. But credit is due. You improved things, it is reflected in your numbers. You aren’t a failure, you are a hero!
Can you give me advice on keeping it in the 7% range? I have been 8.1 for several years. and I don’t think my appointment this morning is going to change that.