Advanced D&D - Dating and

What’s your approach to disclosing your diabetes to someone you’re dating?

Do you just whip out your test kit at the dinner table on the first date?

Do you wait until the second, and then say something like, “Not to be presumptuous, but if you were to touch my (hip / arm / tummy) you might notice my (CGM sensor / pump infusion site / injection scars) and I want to get this out in the open before giving you a shock later on…”

Or do you wait until later, let the other person find it, and hope it they’re too focused on the moment to be scared off?

it’s been a while but I usually did not whip it out on the first date.

actually got diagnosed the same time as I started dating my future wife and some of our dates were to my diabetes education classes

I was usually pretty open, given that dates often involved eating and/ or drinking which, in turn involve testing and shooting up. I got married 18 years ago though so it’s been awhile and I never dealt with pumping and dating?

Speaking for the distaff side, I would not be put off if a man whipped out his…equipment on the first date, as long as it was diabetes-related equipment: test meter, CMG sensor, etc.

Believe me, it’s much less shocking than the other kinds of things that have been…um…whipped out at us without warning.

In fact, it might be a relief to her if she understands that you keep looking at that gadget on your belt to check your blood glucose and not because you’re checking for texts from another lady or working through your date.

(bump)

If she doesn’t know already, I usually wait for a good half hour to an hour into the date so there’s at least some warm-up to it. The pump has made it easier to be more discrete at the beginning of a date. I’ve gotten good at pocket bolusing but there is unfortunately no way to check the cgm so, depending on comfort level, I try to disclose what I’m doing at some point so they don’t think I’m texting. But since I make no secret of it at work or among friends, she usually knows beforehand. And when it comes to blind dates like match, it often comes up in small talk when she asks why I do what I do for work. So at least 9/10 times she already knows before the date. I’ve never gotten a negative response, though I have become uneasy about it if she is a nurse or doctor because they tend to only see the ‘sick’ diabetics and can sometimes fixate on the negative aspects of the disease before she really knows me.

They’ve got to know before it moves to a certain point though, else they may be a little shocked by the multitude of extra apparati we come with. I can’t say that it’s ever been a perceptible issue, though until I got the Revel with the ‘do not disturb’ feature the MM cgm could get pretty annoying…

I’ve never heard of pocket bolusing but that made me LOL. “Are you just pocket bolusing or are you happy to see me?”

I don’t disclose on the first date, or even on the first couple of dates for that matter. I’m kind of lucky that I only am on metformin, so I excuse myself and tell her that I’m going to the restroom to wash my hands before dinner and check my BG at that time. As far as taking the meds, I usually wait until the end of dinner when we get up and are about to leave the restaurant, I will just stop to leave the tip, stick the pill in my mouth discreetly and just take one last sip of my drink. So yes, I purposely leave a little bit of my drink for that purpose. As far as disclosing it, I don’t say anything until I feel that we have reached a comfort level in which I can talk about it. So that hasn’t happened to often.

I was with my current boyfriend a few years before my diagnosis so I haven’t had to deal with this. But I think if I were on a first date I would just pull out my kit at the dinner table if we were eating. I probably wouldn’t talk about it if it weren’t relevant to the situation but like someone else said, most dates involving eating or drinking. It’s a normal part of my life so I don’t think it should be some deep, dark secret and I should sneak away to do what I need to do. If he’s not comfortable with it it’s probably better just to know up front.

As a girl, there would be lots of other things I would be more horrified to see “whipped out” on a first date with a guy! haha! (Sorry I needed a laugh and I just had to say it!)



Since I’m a Type 2 on just Met and don’t have any “fancy gear” and don’t like to tell people straight out about it, I won’t be mentioning it when I date again unless the relationship is going somewhere. I would probably test at home right before the date or in the bathroom right before I eat. Diabetes ruined my last relationship and I haven’t dated since than and have no plans too right now unless someone really awesome comes long (sick of wasting my time with jerks). I personally wouldn’t tell them on the first date unless I knew them and thought they would be receptive to talking abou it because what if there is no second date? - than you have to go through all that possible discomfort for nothing - and of course, you don’t want to be judged or get into a debate on the first date - that is no fun. Of course if they really liked you, they shouldn’t freak out about it at all. But some people are just weird about any stuff that has to deal with blood or needles.



I guess if you had a pump and they saw - obviously you would have to talk about it. But one good thing about that is that you would find out what kind of person you are dealing with straight up and if they can’t handle it or like you less because of it than you don’t have to waste your time dating them further. Sucks but it saves you time and heartache.



Maybe you should start dating nurses? :slight_smile:

I agree. I do not have any problem telling people on the first date. If they see the pump and ask about it I tell them. I tell them during the course of a dinner date so they do not think I am “texting” on the pump.while I am with them. Never had an adverse reaction, but then I am 56 and I do not date alot… Just have to be “picky”, because I am worth it!! LOL

God Bless,
Brunetta

and that’s exactly my point, why even bring it up unless the relationship is going somewhere. Besides, I think that is a great point that KimKat brought up, what if the other person has an issue with either blood or needles, why ruin a date if you don’t have to.

I have no problem with telling someone on the first date, it is almost nice to have someone that somewhat understands something about what the disease is about, and isn’t like " so does that mean you cannot eat sugar" lol… I have gotten that one a few times, but I dont usually just whip out the needle at the dinner table and stick myself, I think I wait for the second date for that…

lol, i know, you have to be a little careful on how you do it!

I usually did not tell on the first date. I worked with the last guy I dated and we knew each other before going out so he already knew. One guy I went out with actually asked me on our first date while we were waiting for dinner – he said something like “so, are you diabetic or something.’ I really don’t think he expected me to say yes! Now I have a pump & a Dexcom so would be a little hard to hide!

Just have to be “picky”, because I am worth it!!

Right on, Sister!

I’m married and got diabetes after being married. However, I would not mention it on the first date. I would go to the restroom to test and/or bolus. It might scare someone off right away. However if you tell them after a few dates and they begin to care about you it seems easier to absorb.

That’s a tough one. I guess it depends on your personality. I’ve very chatty and outgoing, so I like to tell people around me, but without being the centre of attention ykwim. Most dates consist of meals, so out came my glucometer. I didn’t have any issues while I was dating (I’m married 6 yrs now). Most people didn’t understand it, or thought you had to be fat to have diabetes. I’d educate them. At least the date would know I’m conscientious about my health. Although, I was 20 when I was diagnosed and my “boyfriend” at the time broke up with me after i told him. I think he got scared, I might die or something?

My first date with someone I recently met was meant to be just a group outing and was not meant to be a blind date… somehow it turned that way. haha I was talking with the rest of the group about my upcoming DM tattoo appt so it came up and we drank so I had to test at the bar in front of him. I don’t know what I would do if it was a one-on-one situation/ first date. My pump stands out on my 5’1" frame so I think its good to tell someone rather than have them assume you have a pager or something haha. I am lucky that new boy/man actually pays attention and the more I get to know him, the more he asks about it. I haven’t really let it affect our dates, etc. but consequently I have not been in as tight of control. After about a month, I am starting to be more my DM self around him, which both sucks and is nice.

lame bf! My ex just ignored it completely! haha hence, my “ex”