Being type one and living in fear

Does anyone struggle with the thought of travelling places and doing this they would do if they weren’t diabetic?

so I am beetus-anal. lovely term I know… but everything I do revolves around taking care of the D. Even though I have the pump and have the ability to cheat a little, I won’t even bother because i’m terrified of dealing with the aftermath of high/low blood sugar.

examples: I have to get my 8 hours rest at night or i’ll be screwed up and my sugars will be wacky… so this means…
-no bar hopping with my friends
-no all nighters
-no drinking

I stick to a protein and veggie diet… and have the exact same foods everyday because I feel like i have found the best foods to keep my blood sugar in place. so this singles out:

  • eating out
  • eating at weird times and late at night
  • eating with friends … i usually pack a lunch.

I need to get my 30 minutes of exercise a day or I will feel:

  • my sugars won’t feel in control
  • I will feel a sense of guilt.

I am terrified of any blood sugar over 9.5, and the feeling I get… heart pulptations… due to anxiety, thirst, my body just doesn’t feel right. Therefor I do whatever in my power to avoid this feeling.

although i’ve managed an A1C no higher than 5.8 for the past 8 years of this routine, I somewhat feel like an idiot, I’m pretty sure my friends and acquaintances think i have an eating disorder or OCD…
but it feels like its what I have to do to be healthy and keep trotting this journey.
I just wish I could feel more freedom.

its official, i’m crazy. haha

Good Morning!

I have had many ups and downs with diabetes. Taking good care with eating and tesing, not giving a damn about what happens, and then going back to being diligent with everything and then not caring and not testing. I was Dx with anxiety disorder after I had a panic attack. Zanax and my coulselor really helped me to understand what is important and what is OK to blow off. It took me a really long time to come to terms with my diabetes. Sometimes you need someone to tell you what you need to hear. so here it is.
Its ok to go out to eat! get the calorie king carb book. Most bookstores have it.
I also need my 8 hours of sleep because I feel like crap if I don’t. I drink alcohol w/o carbs for the most part (wine and light beer ) and I know MY limit. I also do BS checks to make sure I am not dropping. Paking a lunch is a good idea for any diabetic, but know what your eating out options are for those days you want to eat out.
It sounds like you have fantastic control, don’t lose that because sometimes it’s hard to get back there when you go astray. I am working on getting back there myself.
It is a hard thing to live with. It needs balance and constant TLC. Good luck. :slight_smile:

One more thing, have you done basal testing? I always feel better about eating carbs that may be out of of the norm for me when I know mine are spot on. :slight_smile:

Hi Jill there are a number of issues here (because there are numerous variables with the diabetes alone) and this combined with life in general makes it that much more difficult. I have been a type 1 for thirty five years now and am doing very well. It appears at this point and time that you are also doing very well, and congratulations for ALL of the work you do.

Your numbers are NO ACCIDENT and there is nothing crazy about attacking diabetes 24/7, the way it attacks you. This is a necessity!!! In all probability it will become harder to manage as time goes on however, the bottom line for all of us is to keep our sugars as close to normal as possible while avoiding lows. It is clear that because the task is so difficult many people are overwhelmed and give up. They trade short term gaines into long term challenges, and this goes for ANY negative behaviour we engage in. We are human and we are flawed, so do your best as all things in your life will ebb and flow. Attain balance through PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!!!

The four magic questions anyone can ask themselves or others regarding thier behaviour are as follows:
What are you doing?
Why are you doing it
How does it affect you?
How does it affect others?

For anyone who is affected either directly OR indirectly by diabetes these questions are very simple to answer no matter what they are doing. The real question is how do we get others to truly love and care for themselves as they face any, and all challenges throughout thier lives?

The truth is that without knowing many things about you (which is your business, not ours) it is difficult to answer your questions because we don’t know the real end result(s) of the behaviours so it is difficult to assess.

A short time ago I was having difficulty with some accomodation I NEEDED at work, and very much like you, I began to question myself. I saw a therapist (which everyone would benefit from by the way) and not only did he say I was doing the right things, for the right reasons at the right times, he asked me if I would be interested in working with other diabetics who are not doing well. I was relieved, flattered and honoured and said yes.

The bottom line is that if you have any doubt please do the same, because the truth of the matter is that most of our society encourages a variety of eating disorders. Something to examine is where is the midpoint for your lifestyle, while you are doing a level of maintainence that ensures reasonable control, and not being consumed so you are able to successfully accomplish other tasks as well?

Yes all things considered it can be challenging to find that spot however the most likely scenario is that because ther are NUMEROUS SIMULATANEOUS VARIABLES that are moving your sugars up or down, you are doing numerous things to counteract that. As diabetics we know that the easiest thing in the world to do is double your sugars no matter where they are.

Having said that the next step is to react appropriately emotionally and physically, when your sugars are not where you want them to be. For me that means if it happens to be 14.0mmol/l (or 240mg/dl) I don’t get upset as I am not perfect and am MORE THAN O.K. with that. These things will happen it’s part of the deal. I will inject a small ammount of fast acting insulin and I certainly don’t eat for a little while. I try to follow it’s lead and by doing so predict where it will go. You control it so it does not control you, including ALL complications.

I am sorry I did not mean to go on so long however because all of the above is so complex, there is almost never a simple answer. I did this to help you, and anyone else who is trying to understand who they are, while dealing with this challenge while so many others are not as pro active as. I hope this helps, and congratulations for a job well done and keep up the good work.

Love Always
The Anonymous Diabetic.

PS You may be interested in a blog I have on Oprah’s Diabetes Support Board. You can find it at entitled Diabetes The Real Cost.

PSS Your freedom is already here because not only are your numbers excellent, there is a VERY HIGH PROBABILITY that because you accepting the “High Maintainence Route” (and we are all worth the work by the way) all the systems in your body will be allowed to work in harmony and this will fuel all things in a positive manner. I am sure you are aware that also works in a negative direction, and we must encourage others to do as you have done.

PSS You are doing the right thing, it’s much higher maintainence the other way and your STILL diabetic!!!

Well, we should all be as crazy as you, then. I think you have devoted yourself to taking excellent care of you and have been very vigilant. You have ascertained what is important to maintain your feeling of well being, as well as your blood sugars. Because you are different, leading a very disciplined regiman in a very undisciplined culture, that may tempt you to feel marginalized, both because of your disease and how you are choosing to treat it… seriously… and with lots of self love. As tempted as we are to see ourselves in comparison to others, I think asking other diabetics is a good strategy so you can at least compare yourself with others who have the same struggle… and I can only commend you and look up to you as a role model. I was diagnosed with 1.5 just one month ago and I have been on a crash course of learning. It is tudiabetes that has helped the most. I ready Dr. Bernstein’s book three time the first week. It was all as clear as mud, but it has slowly coming into view. I was eating only protein and veggies as well and was maintaining very good bgs according to my clinician and naturpath. I decided to branch out, as I was getting constipated, and challenged by the lack of choice in my diet, and added very very limited carbs back in… half a lob carb tortilla… half a brown rice protein drink… etc. over the last few days. And I have given myself bolus shots… I wasmaintaining on the basal, two shots a day. But my BG has been constantly high, even with the bolus shots and the small amount of added carb… ten or fifteen more than Bernstein’s diet… sooooo… I’m going back to square one. Tight control does give a different kind of freedom than the one most of us would call preferable… like going out and being spontaneous with our friends and not having to think ahead all the time or come home to fix dinner instead of go out shopping… but the different kind of freedom I feel is actually feeling better than the freedom of my old life… it’s given me a way to put myself first and take care of myself no matter what else is going on around me, no matter what else anybody thinks. I’ve always struggled with caring too much about others instead of me. So, I just cancelled a trip to the east coast for a wedding and to visit friends in need, but as disappointing as that is, I also feel the pride and confidence and self love that has come from making a good decision for myself. And I can see that is a good basis for building a new life with choices appropriate to my base goal… taking really, really good care of me! Thanks for the inspiration. Replying has been a good focuser to help me understand what is changing for me and how I am feeling about it. I think your anxiety about having something wrong with you is a projection on what your friends are thinking. What you feel is important. And you feel like you’re doing what “feeds” you. I wish I could feel more freedom, too, and look, I’m only a month into it. You rock! p.s. I’m crazy, too, so ha ha right back atcha. Carolyne