Hi Jill there are a number of issues here (because there are numerous variables with the diabetes alone) and this combined with life in general makes it that much more difficult. I have been a type 1 for thirty five years now and am doing very well. It appears at this point and time that you are also doing very well, and congratulations for ALL of the work you do.
Your numbers are NO ACCIDENT and there is nothing crazy about attacking diabetes 24/7, the way it attacks you. This is a necessity!!! In all probability it will become harder to manage as time goes on however, the bottom line for all of us is to keep our sugars as close to normal as possible while avoiding lows. It is clear that because the task is so difficult many people are overwhelmed and give up. They trade short term gaines into long term challenges, and this goes for ANY negative behaviour we engage in. We are human and we are flawed, so do your best as all things in your life will ebb and flow. Attain balance through PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!!!
The four magic questions anyone can ask themselves or others regarding thier behaviour are as follows:
What are you doing?
Why are you doing it
How does it affect you?
How does it affect others?
For anyone who is affected either directly OR indirectly by diabetes these questions are very simple to answer no matter what they are doing. The real question is how do we get others to truly love and care for themselves as they face any, and all challenges throughout thier lives?
The truth is that without knowing many things about you (which is your business, not ours) it is difficult to answer your questions because we don’t know the real end result(s) of the behaviours so it is difficult to assess.
A short time ago I was having difficulty with some accomodation I NEEDED at work, and very much like you, I began to question myself. I saw a therapist (which everyone would benefit from by the way) and not only did he say I was doing the right things, for the right reasons at the right times, he asked me if I would be interested in working with other diabetics who are not doing well. I was relieved, flattered and honoured and said yes.
The bottom line is that if you have any doubt please do the same, because the truth of the matter is that most of our society encourages a variety of eating disorders. Something to examine is where is the midpoint for your lifestyle, while you are doing a level of maintainence that ensures reasonable control, and not being consumed so you are able to successfully accomplish other tasks as well?
Yes all things considered it can be challenging to find that spot however the most likely scenario is that because ther are NUMEROUS SIMULATANEOUS VARIABLES that are moving your sugars up or down, you are doing numerous things to counteract that. As diabetics we know that the easiest thing in the world to do is double your sugars no matter where they are.
Having said that the next step is to react appropriately emotionally and physically, when your sugars are not where you want them to be. For me that means if it happens to be 14.0mmol/l (or 240mg/dl) I don’t get upset as I am not perfect and am MORE THAN O.K. with that. These things will happen it’s part of the deal. I will inject a small ammount of fast acting insulin and I certainly don’t eat for a little while. I try to follow it’s lead and by doing so predict where it will go. You control it so it does not control you, including ALL complications.
I am sorry I did not mean to go on so long however because all of the above is so complex, there is almost never a simple answer. I did this to help you, and anyone else who is trying to understand who they are, while dealing with this challenge while so many others are not as pro active as. I hope this helps, and congratulations for a job well done and keep up the good work.
The Anonymous Diabetic.
PS You may be interested in a blog I have on Oprah’s Diabetes Support Board. You can find it at www.oprah.com/community/community/health/diabetes entitled Diabetes The Real Cost.
PSS Your freedom is already here because not only are your numbers excellent, there is a VERY HIGH PROBABILITY that because you accepting the “High Maintainence Route” (and we are all worth the work by the way) all the systems in your body will be allowed to work in harmony and this will fuel all things in a positive manner. I am sure you are aware that also works in a negative direction, and we must encourage others to do as you have done.
PSS You are doing the right thing, it’s much higher maintainence the other way and your STILL diabetic!!!