Bullying about low blood sugars

1

I last ranted about this a year ago, a kid bullying and teasing kennedy ( celiac) for eating indian food for lunch. Family was frighteningly angry that I went to the school and the kid got in trouble for it.

Patched it over and things seemed to be doing better for a few months, but for the past six months, this kid continues to pick on Kennedy if she missed dance rehearsal for a low blood sugar. She will yell at her " get back in here" as she is sitting out of class. Then this escalated with the kid stealing her phone in dance class, bullying her into telling her the password, deleting programs and content off her phone, and getting the whole dance group to watch lookout in case an adult came around.

I did speak with the dance teacher about the situation and she has reassured Kennedy she needs to come to her with this kind of behavior.

What else can I do for my kid here.

Did speak with the parents again last week after a long intentional period of ignoring at the pool we go to. ( Kid thinks Kennedy joined to copy her)

She said to me " You shouldn't have gone to the principle last year then should you? "

She has blocked the kid online, pretty severe cyber bullying which has been ongoing over the past couple of months.

I did find out more about the family although it doesn't justify the bullying, but Narcissistic father with control issues, emotional abuse definite.

She is to the point of wanting to quit school and dance over this kid.

I spent the past year trying to teach kennedy how to deal with her and stand up for herself but now I just don't know what to do??

Nothing? Something?

2

My gut says not to leave it. It's always difficult when the parent won't cooperate or are in denial, but perhaps you can try to work with the teachers to get a nurse or someone else in to educate the class about diabetes? Or a school counsellor to talk about bullying?

My other suggestion would be to invite the bully to spend a weekend at your house, and really learn the nitty gritty about D management. If she watches Kennedy checking her BS and taking shots and counting carbs maybe she will get more of a clue about the issues. Also it helps for her to be isolated from her group of followers and with Kennedy's supporters for an extended period. It's hard to be mean when you're the only one doing it...

3

I was bullied pretty badly as a kid, to the point where I wanted to quit school, even though it was something that I loved.

My parents were in school once a week (or more) for a long time, complaining to the principal, who did absolutely nothing. It also provided more fodder for the kids to taunt, tease, hurt, ashame, and otherwise torture me. I can't say that they did anything wrong by trying to help me, but I also blamed my parents for some stuff. I was wrong.

The first thing you need to do is reassure Kennedy that there is nothing wrong with her--that there's something wrong with this kid and the people who support this kid, but definitely not her.

If necessary, a good child psychologist might help. The only thing mine did was teach me that there was nothing inherently wrong with me that caused me to be bullied, but he also taught me a lesson in defending myself verbally. Once that kicked in (three or four years later), the kids would complain that I'd said something nasty to them (in defense only), to which the teacher usually responded that I'd never do something like that, since I'd culled a reputation for not being able to defend myself.

I don't know that bringing this kid into your house to learn about diabetes management is such a good idea. There are many reasons I can think of, but a major one is that this kid might just as well be nice while at your house and then go right back to bullying Kennedy, this time with new and more accurate nasty things to say. Depending on the age of this kid, I wouldn't be surprised if she came up with something about using drugs (because of the needles) or some other ridiculous but completely nasty thing to taunt her about. It might even teach her to withhold juice or candy from her when low. And before you think that kids wouldn't do that--I had a kid steal my inhaler, after which she and her friends chased me around the room until I couldn't breathe and then refused to give it back. Kids can be cruel--even downright criminal--without realizing how bad it is.

Something else that might help is if the teachers and/or principal get involved with the other kids--explaining to them that bullying is real and serious. If this kid doesn't have a following, there's no fun in bullying. That being said, this solution is easier said than done.

My last comment: I've never met a bully whose parents were "normal". My favorite illustration of this was how the father of one of the girls who broke my elbow in elementary school told me that it was my fault, not his daughter's, and that she didn't do anything wrong. He even threatened me--and I was twelve! Most of the time, the bullies learn it from their parents. (It does happen that they come up with it all on their own...but I've yet to see it firsthand.)

4

She has seen all of this since they spend 14 or so hours together at dance, if anything, the child does not like to have attention drawn away from her. Diabetes does that, even if not intentionally...

5

I agree about not having the kid over too. Last year when her parents found out i reported the bullying to the principal, her father was so angry he yelled at me and I was actually quite scared of him and still am. So to your last comment, I'm sure she is acting out as a bully trying to contol her friends since her dad is a controlling narcissistic personality. Kennedy understands this about her family, but it just doesnt make it any easier for her. After finding more things out about the family, I can see why he was angry about the call to the principle's office, in my experience as a pediatrician , these are the ones that really have something to hide at home and they do not want to be investigated. Counseling would be helpful we are going to look in to that!

6

I don't know how old Kennedy is, but there's something you should keep in mind about counseling.

When I went, my parents hid it from my sister. They didn't want her to know because they didn't want her to tell anyone. That made me feel like there was something I'd done wrong to deserve counseling. (That sentiment was not helped by the assertions made by my classmates that I didn't have a right to exist--in my mind, I was being punished.)

My parents also stayed in the room with me. I felt restricted in what I could tell the therapist. (I was nine, but I really, really didn't like that.)

Finally, he ran a very interesting exercise for me that you could probably duplicate at home. He got some kind of hose from his car, a helmet (so I wouldn't hit myself in the head by mistake), a pair of ski gloves (so I wouldn't hurt my hands on the hose), and a pillow. He had me kneel down and hit the pillow as hard as I could with the hose until I had no more anger left in me. I was shocked at how much anger I'd kept bottled up inside. I figure a plastic baseball bat and a pillow would do the same thing--and teach her to channel her frustration, anger, and hurt in a way that doesn't harm anyone or anything, rather than waiting until she has nowhere left to put it.

7

I've heard good things about this book from a counselling psychologist. It may have better solutions!
http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-Boyfriends-Realities/dp/0307454444