I have never considered myself a depressed person and have always taken my diabetes more or less in stride (minus those teenage years…that was rough). As an adult, I have always managed to deal with my diabetes, sometimes by ignoring it (just a bit) and sometimes by really taking control and doing all the things I should.
I am just really tired of it. I have always been very healthy, but the long-term effects of this disease are starting to crop up (mild neuropathy, retinonpathy which is still non-proliferative and just being watched). I am in my early 30s and all I can think of is, “What is my life going to be like in 5 years? 10 years? Will I even be alive?”
I know I am so lucky to have good health insurance and be able to get whatever I need to treat my diabetes, and I try to remind myself of that each day. But it’s just exhausting. I’ve had no less than 7 doctor’s appointments in the past 2 months. I have a wonderful spouse, but when the spouse doesn’t have D, they really can’t completely understand what it’s like. I rarely tell people at work about my D, but a couple of coworkers do now know. While they are very nice about it, I can’t expect them to really truly understand either.
Are there others out there who feel this way? Alone? Sad? Sometimes I think it’s just because of this glucocaster I find myself on some days, but I realize now it’s moer than that. I don’t want to start any treatment for depression because, well, I just don’t. I need to deal with this myself and I think I can. Just need to hear from others who have “been there, done that.” This is why I joined this site – I need to connect with other people who have busted pancrei. The one thing that has helped me more than anything is reading all the great D blogs out there. Reading about other people going through/feeling the same way is the one thing that makes me feel better. Because it’s the one time I don’t feel so alone.