I got home from work today to find a letter from the Diabetes Research Institute waiting for me. I have an appointment there, with my new diabetologist, in a couple of weeks. The letter asked me to bring my BGM log. Are you kidding?? I don’t keep a log! I realize that I have been very used to not having to pay attention to my diabetes. I was getting by eating almost anything I wanted, forgetting to take my meds, and still waking up under 110. And then this week, it happened. I forgot to take my meds before bed, and I woke up at 160. That’s been my highest fasting blood sugar since I was diagnosed. Now I’m panicking.
Last month, I emailed a midwife that works closely with a doula-friend. I wanted to know if she attends homebirths for diabetic clients. Her answer: Only if you’re managing with diet and exercise. Which I am, obviously, no longer doing. I could hear my heart breaking, my dreams of a spiritually fulfilling homebirth running down the drain.
I feel like diabetes has forced me to give up so much. Eating what I want. Sleeping when I want. My privacy (because everyone in my life wants to know my number and if I’m really going to eat that). And now, even my dream birth.
Not that I’m even pregnant at this point. With the PCOS, we don’t even know if that will be a possibility. One more thing I might have to give up.