The first time when I realised that something was wrong was when I was really thirsty one night.
So I went to the shop and bought a sixpack of Coke xD
I drank everything, felt really weird, could barely move and still was thirsty.
This went on for a week or so and got worse and worse.
I had to pee before my lectures, during my lectures and after my lectures and was always late…
Then I realised that all my jeans were getting bigger.
I told my grandmother about it and she told be to buy a glucose test from the pharmacy.
After I bought one, I realised that it was pretty high.
I went on the internet and basically diagnosed myself with diabetes.
Next day (monday) I went to the doctor who sent me into hospital where I was properly diagnosed.
Thankfully I didn´t have to stay there over night and was teached everything the same evening and was allowed to go home.
But what I noticed was that everyone was looking at me in expectation to see me cry. “Oh, you should go home and take a good cry”, “you are very brave” bla bla bla…
I knew I had it before, so I kinda was cool about it. I also knew that needles were involved but I didn´t really care.
However, when I found out about the possible complications, the issue about pregnancies, went to my first parties as a diabetic and went grocerie shopping again, things changed drastically. From one day to another, I got paranoid, worried, helpless, weak etc.
My friends took it alright, relaxed, I mean it is not their life right?
My family said it was my fault because I turned vegetarian recently…
My grandmother called me every day crying and I had to be strong for her and tell her that everything was okay.
It is a few weeks ago now and I have been to the gym every day for a week now and watch what I am eating.
I have missed a lot of university lectures and tutorials and basically lost track. I don´t want to skip everything and lose a whole year. Still, all I can think about right now is me having diabetes and trying to cope with it.
I have moments where I get really depressed and eat a lot of chocolate and sweets and pretend as if I am healthy and get even more angry and sad and then I have moments where I am filled with joy and are convinced that I can cure myself and battle it out.
It sounds cheesy, but I was planning on volunteering in Nepal this summer for 4 weeks. After all, I have realised that I don´t want to be alone there in my first months of having diabetes. I want some happy and joyful moments and what better place could there be than Disneyland? ^^
So I wanted to use my money instead and spend it on me and my boyfriend.
But he got angry today, doesn´t want it, wants to stay with his family instead and for him it would be “too” much. He is in the state of total denyal right now and is not there for me. He really got into his unilife, got president of a society, started his own roleplaying game etc. whereas I am turned more inward now and don´t go out at all. I want to avoid drinking, eating crisps and just being in the situation where I have to miss out because of my diabetes.
I love and forgive him, but this trip to disneyland meant the world to me right now in this dark period of lonelyness. At least I would have a couple of days where I could be a child again…
