Please see our new blog http://www.dwed.org.uk/Blog/2012/01/17/newbie-volunteer-newbie-blogger-reflections-new-ye/
Anyone want to help with activities for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week
Documentary Participants recquired (UK)
http://www.dwed.org.uk/News/2012/02/09/documentary-participants-recquired/
Hi everyone, im mols! :)
so im a type 1 diabetic since 2009, i have had a bit of a rocky roller coaster with the whole diabetes thing and im not going to lie i find it very hard to cope with but fortunately i have alot of friends and family around to support me, but i am writing this to inform everyone about my diabulimia.
So, i think to myself im not liking how im looking and the fact that after i was diagnosed i put on alot of weight and had to buy all new clothes and i didnt look as good and i didnt think boys would give me as much attention as they did. so i thought its the isulin thats doing this to me if i stop i will become skinny again and everything will be fine.. but i was wrong this was in 2009 and its now 2012 and i am still getting over diabulimia! anyway i stopped injectiong and i lost alot of weight and i felt absolutely great about myself i was skinny and getting the attention from boys i wanted.. however, i took it to the next step because i was having no isulin at all we all know that this is dangerous and can have some nasty concequences, as i found out.. i didnt plan on having to go into hospital or being put on a drip i just wanted to look good especially on the beach in jamaica! But i was wrong i was on a drip and in hospital for 2 months i was very ill have no evergy and looked anorexic (which i think is beautiful) but i was being asked by my teachers if anything was going on at home and things.. i started to have my insulin again but ive never had a full streak of it ive always wanted to miss a few in the hope that they would make me skinny again, i hated my 'diabetes body' as what i called it and up until this day i am still fighting against this horrible eating disorder and i can honestly say that i wouldnt wish this to happen to my worst enemy because the only person your fighting against is yourself and your the one thats loosing.
if you want to ask my any questions feel free to ask me! :)
Take care everyone, Lots of love Mols xxxxxxxx
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Hi, all. I have recently come to the realization (with the help of a therapist) that I actually do have a binge eating disorder. For a long time, I just thought that I was just giving myself permission to eat what I wanted, and that was OK for a while until I threw myself into a coma and almost died. Then I started having delayed stomach emptying, and it's really bad when I DON'T take insulin until my BG is up over 350, and I feel sick to my stomach, and (forgive the graphic image) I start belching up really bad, vomitous tastes. It can take 12 hours or more for my stomach to empty after a binge, and I keep asking myself why I do it, and haven't come to a satisfactory answer.
This is NOT diabulimia -- I don't lose any weight, because I DO take insulin enough to lower my BG once it goes really high -- so I'm surmising that it is a type of rebellion, but still, why do I make myself sick? Logically, this is a very stupid thing to do, so why do I let my emotions override my common sense? Is this a common thing?
Hi Mols and Natalie,
Wow you're both going/been though the wringer, glad you found us here.
If you want more support DWED is a UK based PRO-recovery charity, with forums on facebook, twitter and google+ if you want to discuss more or need support or even just to talk to people who will understand we're here. there is a sister charity in the US too (Diabulimia awareness).
Mols well done for fighting and being open, it's the first step :) Great quote *thumbs up
Natalie I'm not a doctor but it's possible be that you're experiencing gastroparesis from what you're describing. DWED encompasses all the ED's not just diabulimia (ED-DMT1), I'm sure you already know how important it is to get control of your levels, (this isn't a lecture honest), it can improve the symptoms you're describing. I don't know how long you've been T1 but most ED's (in my experience) seem to be a result of low self esteem/control(albeit self destructive), Long term sufferers are just as likely to develop ED's (from burn out or denial) as the newly diagnosed, I had T1 for 12 years before I started to develop serious issues.
Eating disorders are mental health illness', as you so rightly said, you know the logic but the emotion takes over.
When you start to take regular insulin and stabilise your sugars over a period of time, your desire to binge will decrease.
In a nutshell (as I understand it) omitting insulin is starving your body (no matter how much food you eat it is still starving), insulin is what your body needs to absorb/process the good stuff from your food, the less insulin you take the more you feel the need to binge, which pushes up your sugars dehydrating you (starving your body more), which makes you think you need more food starting the cycle over again.
Hope we can help you both, please keep in touch YOU are NOT alone x x x
Lou, thank you SO much for your response. I WILL look up those sites. You would think that feeling ill for 12-16 hours after eating would be an object lesson, but it only lasts for a little while. I need some techniques to stop eating BEFORE I feel full, because by the time I actually do feel full, it's too late. I will also stick my nose into the gastroparesis group, because even though I have not been formally diagnosed with that (and don't think I'm going to bother, because it costs money, and a formal diagnosis won't make any difference anyway) just to see what I can pick up there.
And, Lou, I can't tell you how much better it made me feel just to have someone respond to me -- because I HAVE and DO feel very alone with this, and with diabetes in general! :-)
Oh No, no & no again Natalie-not alone at all. I have been right there and have days that if I wasn't scared to death of dying (???) I might go right back.
I think, at least for me it is true, we must remember-there is very much an addiction component at work here-a very strong one. I know from experience that there is a point of pleasure and a sense of relief during a binge before the guilt and sick feeling sets in. As I understand it, during that pleasant phase-our brains release some of the same endorphins as when certain drugs are used. So there is a reward-that is why we go back again and again. Intelligence goes out the window. It is exactly like waking up with a hangover and a smashed car, swearing off drinking and the next weekend you're drunk again. Accepting that we can't "think" our way out of it. That is and was the worst part of it for me-I had great plans and programs and tricks to stop doing this stupid thing. No deal.
Lou makes an important point that more stable blood sugars will help decrease the need to binge-but unfortunately not entirely. There is a book I read a long time ago called "It's Not What You're Eating-It's What's Eating You." As I recall it's about getting at those core issues that keep us stuck instead of just treating the symptoms. It was very helpful.
I am not an expert and I have days in my head where I am as disordered as it gets. BUT--I don't practice the behavior anymore-I was a very sad case-so it is survivable and it is possible to live without it.
Hang in there-I'm around as always and am always willing to share what I have learned-(The Hard Way.)
woodfairy,
I have read parts of "It's not what your're eating, it's what's eating you" and found it very good. I am in a 12 step program for all types of addictions and have found writing about the core issues I have has been very therapeutic. When I do start in on my bingeing/reducing insulin behaviors and get really down on myself, I try to remember that I've been programming my brain for 20 years to release endorphins when I binge, and it will take a while to retrain my brain. I think the hardest part is starting over when I slip up over and over again. I try to aknowledge my slow improvements, but it is difficult to do.
Hey everyone how are we all doing? it's been really quiet here, but if you want to talk there are several places to chat on FB, or when you post here it gets forwarded so please come talk, DWED the uk based charity for Diabetics with EDs is hosting a memorial donation day for a Sian come join in and meet new friends, and a great support network, Keep fighting x
https://www.justgiving.com/sians-shoes in memory of Sian Howarth
I lost my daughter to what started as Diabulmia this past July. She was one month shy of her 28th birthday. She suffered with this for many years and the outcome was a slow suffering death. I want to help anyone I can:)
Hi Teri I am so dreadfully sorry that you lost your daughter to this disorder, I want to welcome you and let you know that we're working damn hard to get this recognised and to get a treatment plan in place so that no-one else has to go through what you and your family have had to endure. Your support is invauable x
How do you all overcome this? I haven't met one person with this "Diabulmia" and its hard to try and "fix it" alone. I am trying to get our locl base (I live on an Air Force Base - husband serves) and I am trying to get them to at least start a type 1 diabetic support group... I have never been in one. I was just wondering how everyone else gets help???
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Hi asmith Iām Alison, Iām a year recovered. I got help from an endo, a therapist and the DWED group. Do you have Facebook? We have a fairly active support network on there as well the main open group is diabulimia awareness and it helped save me. Recovery is possible. One step at a time, a little bit each day.
asmith- Alison is right! The available resources are slowly growing. Did you know that recent studies show that over 30% of T1D women are suffering from this? It's amazing to me that such a large population of diabetics struggle with this and yet it's still seemingly ignored but the Health Care system ( dont even get me started on insurance!) I am the Founder of We Are Diabetes www.wearediabetes.org and we have tons of resources to help guide those who are suffering to finding recovery. Please let me know if there is anything I can personally help you with!
Hey asmith, there is also the Diabulimia helpline in the US and DWED - Diabetics with eating Disorders here in the UK for specific eating disorders support, There is a tonne of info on the DWED web page, which can be printed and given to your healthcare professionals. As for starting a group, I'm not sure, perhaps put an advert/flyer for T1's at the local Drs surgery/endo's clinic, asking if they'd be interested in a support group?
Its so nice to hear from you all- Thank you. Alison- I do have facebook..
I am checking out that website Asha -
I am seeing a new doctor next year for my diabetes...hopefully a new start-possiblly going to try and find a therapist