I've had type one diabetes as long as I can remember. My A1C's have been consistently in the 8%s most my life. It's been tolerable for the past 18 years. Although, it's resulted in occasional blurry vision and mild to moderate depression at times. And I know it'll catch up with me.
Thoughts of motherhood have become more and more frequent lately, and I know it's time for me to look this challenge in the face. It's time to take ownership regardless of whether of not I think I deserve diabetes, and I can no longer deny diet and exercise as a crucial part of management.
My biggest struggle is finding the middle ground between obsessive management--which leads to instant perceived failure--and healthy management. Most of my life this far, I've listened to the story in my head that tells me "I can't manage it, so why bother." Now, I know it's not true, and I recognize that if I keep telling myself that I'll keep perceiving failure.
As of a couple days ago, I actually called my amazing team of doctors for help. The most amazing advice was, "stop testing every hour, you will drive your self crazy." (I didn't expect THAT kind of advice) But, it's working. I found THIS wonderful website, and have read many stories of folks with similar experiences. And, I know the physical and mental benefits of yoga are helpful too.
I've decided not to let my diabetes take control, but be a passenger in the car. As a good chauffeur, I'll be attentive to my passenger and make adjustments in my driving.
I cried in my fiance's arms yesterday, "I don't want this. I don't want this." But, today I know that looking my fear in the face, and taking on the challenge with patience and diligence will enrich my life and give me confidence.
I'd love some folks to share their stories of this moment of facing the challenge, deciding to take ownership of it, and what the view from the farther up the mountain is like.