First blog post… but if I ever needed to vent, today is the day. I’m not usually the emotional type, pretty even-keeled, but tonight was just rough.
We don’t usually do a lot of things as a family since my parents own their own business and work, my sister is in high school and usually doing stuff with her friends or dancing, and I go to school out of state and when I come home I still take classes and work. Tonight for Father’s Day though, we decided to take my dad to the new Japanese steakhouse down the street and equest our favorite cook (Cowboy) who my dad hasn’t had yet. I had to take a test online for my long-distance class and it was a lot harder than I anticipated and took almost an hour so I was running late. My parents started rushing me, and even though I could feel my bg starting to dip, I was rushing to get ready. Got in the car and realized I had no needles so had to run back in and get some. I was getting pretty snappy from low bg, and my family was not helping the situation.
Looking back on it, I should have just told them my bg was low, but my mom freaks out about everything nd would have been all over me and that would have made me more aggitated. By the time we got the the restaurant, my family isn’t talking to me. We get seated and I take my bg and it’s 61, not as bad as I thought. My mom catches a glimpse of my meter and of course, freaks out. My problem is, when I go low, i have no trouble taking care of it, but if something is aggitating me, it basically switches my brain off and I just get really nasty. So she’s not really helping, but I order some sweet tea and get it taken care of. So i’m fine now and we order our food. Soup and salad comes out and I get my shot ready under the table to do in my leg like always. No one has ever noticed. Then my dad goes “Can’t you do that in the bathroom” which for some reason just pisses me off. I don’t mind people knowing I have diabetes at all, but I hate having to do things differently because of it, just to accomodate others. I understand needles make some people uncomfortable, but I’m the one who has to stick myself with them everyday, and I don’t do it where anybody can even see it anyways. So I get up with out a word and go to the bathroom. Come back, sit down and everyone has already finished their soup and are halfway though their salads. So being pissy, I loudly ask “How was everyone’s soup?” My dad looks at me and is like “Just try to act normal ok?” I blow up. “Well I’m sorry I have an incurable disease which makes it neccessary for me to do thing a little less than normal sometimes!” And he says “I understand that but you could at least try to act as normal as possible anyways.”
That was it. I don’t know if he meant it the way it came out but it hurt. I turned my head and started crying a bit, which I never do, but I couldn’t help it. Then my mom noticed and was of course freaking out again, asking what was wrong and patting my back and what not. I finally calmed down enough to tell her to leave me alone, and it really sucked because there were like 6 other people at the table and I felt so stupid, but it was just too much. I just wanted to be able to eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted with out having to get up and go to the restroom and give myself a stupid shot. I finlly clamed down and things went back to normal, but then my family started grilling me about why, if I new my bg was low, I didn’t say something or do something about it. And they just couldn’t understand that when that happens, and I get aggitated, it’s just not that easy and my brain just doesn’t work with me. I tried to explain it several times but they kept insisting that it was up to me and I needed to “make a decision about it” or something like that. I’m usually so good with it, but I’m not perfect and sometimes I just can’t control the way it makes me feel and they just couldn’t understand, but they finally let it drop. After that, dinner proceeded as normal and was pretty fun. Then we went to get ice cream and I left my purse at the shop and didn’t notice till we got home and I went to check my bg and didn’t have my meter. One of my sister’s friends happens to work at the ice cream place though and she called him qnd he held on to it for me.
I feel exhausted now and even though everything turned out ok, I’m still feeling hurt by the things my dad said and frustrated by how my family doesn’t understand. I don’t get frustrated or depressed about my diabetes very often so I guess it’s inevitable, but I still hate feeling this way. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day though, and looking back on it, i’s really not that big of a deal anyways. Just llife.