This post might make me sound like spoiled brat, petty, ungrateful little pain in the butt, but I have to make it anyway. I never wanted to hate my parents, and I really never have...until now. It's not like I hate them and want them to die, never. I just want them to do SOMETHING to take care of themselves so they can live better lives, and so I'm not so tied down to them. I know, that sounds so terribly selfish, but they're sucking me dry. My mom has liver failure and needs help with certain things, but she's let herself go with others, and she's to the point where she sits in her chair all day and is barely mobile anymore. That frustrates me because she was in a nursing home for like 3 months last year and had regained a lot of her mobility and strength, and now BOOM! Gone again. I can only force her to do so much, and believe me, it's not much. Then there's my dad. He can take care of himself to a point. He gets up and around, can make his own meals, walk, drive, etc, but he's diabetic and doesn't check his damn blood sugar. He also doesn't know when he's low. Just now he came back in from taking the dog outside and told us that he'd been laying in the alley for 15 minutes because he'd fallen. Right away I knew, so I checked his blood sugar...33. We've become quite familiar with the paramedics too, because I've had to call them several times because the nitwit gets low and goes unconscious and has seizures and whatnot. He doesn't have a prescription for glucagon so I have to give him mine. I can only get it refilled once every 15 days, so guess what happens when he gets low more often? I don't want to feel this way about my parents, but I can't do this. What's so damn hard about checking your blood sugar? Evidently my dad has ALWAYS done this, and I just don't get it. My sister is afraid to leave her kids with him alone because he gets low when he's watching them. My 4 year old niece has seen him go low twice now, and this last time (which was just last week actually) she got on the phone and called my sister and said "Papa Bob is asleep and isn't waking up" and she tried to make him juice and made a huge mess (which was so cute and sweet of her, but the fact that she knows what to do when her dumbass grandfather "is asleep and won't wake up" is so sad to me) and they had to call the ambulance. When the paramedics were taking my dad's information my sister was giving them his address she started and then they finished it for her, and then said yeah, we've had experience with him. How sad is that?
Sorry, this is a bit of a messed up, rambling post but I'm a messed up, rambling person. Before I go to bed I'll get to dump my mom's commode out, and I'll gag to the point of vomiting. This is my life, but I should be happy that my parents are alive, right? I am, I really am. My brother-in-law's mother died last October, and I feel horrible about it, and even more so when I feel this way about my own parents, but like I said, they're just draining me. I barely have the energy to take care of myself, and now I have to look after two other people who aren't exactly walks in the park. What is wrong with me???
Caregiving is one of the most difficult family responsibilities we face in this country. There are millions of family caregivers of all ages, including kids as young as 8 years old caring for parents. There are resources, however. Please check these out: http://www.eldercare.gov/eldercare.net/Public/Search_Results.aspx {nearest you} [I can't recommend the Area Agency on Aging and the Council on Aging enough.]
You will naturally find lots of focus on Alzheimer's but don't let that stop you. The sites also include multiple health conditions, including diabetes.
It may not help but, try to tell yourself when you are doing the caregiving chores that you will not regret it after they are gone. I definitely understand your frustration but also try to imagine what it must be like for them in their minds and bodies. Your responses are equally legitimate so I am not saying that to lessen your own thoughts and needs. All three of you need help beyond what you are getting. And remember, the hardest person to teach is your own family member! And outsider may have more impact with your Dad.
Please let us know if you get any help after calling a few resources.
It sounds to me as if your mother has dementia. My very busy, active mother used to just sit staring into space in extreme old age when she had dementia. Very frustrating. I think they forget to walk and do things. Is there any possibility you can get her back in a nursing home? Possibly your father has dementia too.
Do check out the links Nell gave you to look for help. Doing it all by yourself is too much for any one person.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. You sound like you are doing such a good job. But you definitely need some time off and also have some time for yourself everyday. Please meet with your sister and put your ideas together to see what you can do to get some help. Maybe your Dad needs to see his nurse, doctor and to set up some lists (or something?) to help him remember to check his blood sugar and change his treatment if he's having so many lows. He's probably having burnout because of your Mom's health problems.
Talk to someone outside the family too. You are doing so much but you can't do this alone. Don't hesitate to find some backup. It could be a neighbor, your church. Look for help and take some time for yourself. You can't keep this up. Maybe your sister can take over for a few days while you go to a friends and think about what you can do. And get into a new organization.
I'm wishing you all my best and hoping that things will fall into place quickly.
Ugh, I'm still digesting your comments, thank you by the way. I just wanted to add that my stupid father let himself get low AGAIN today (technically yesterday, 11 May 2014) and I had to come back from being blissfully out with my sister and her kids to come and check on him. Any guesses on the damn fool's blood sugar? Yeah, 26. After giving him my glucagon, making him drink 2 glasses of orange juice, and threatening him with physical violence (not seriously, but I'm just about at the end of my rope here) I FINALLY got out for some time on my own. Listen, I'm not trying to make myself look like a suffering hero or a martyr or anything. In fact, I'm a lazy, worthless piece of _____ (pick your own descriptive noun). I just...ARGH! You know?
There is nothing wrong with you. You are exhausted by a draining, troubling situation that is difficult, time consuming and unfixable. These two people are ill and older. This is probably the best they can do. I know they are ill. They will not do the things you wish that would do enough times to make things okay. Please look for resources to help you. You need help with care, maybe some counseling for stress. Your family needs to help. This is chronic and may last a long time. If you believe that the two can take care of themselves then let them. If not they need support, maybe help with being in denial that what they do really matters anymore. Right now there are three or more very miserable people. This can change if you want it to. Get help and then give yourself some time to heal now. Low blood sugars are going to happen. Maybe your mom can use the toilet. Can you get her something to put on the actual toilet. I agree about the dementia as a possibility and in that case maybe insurance with pay for a home health aid. I am worried about you. Your parents can learn self help skills but most likely not from a family member. Can you get some help through Church? I am sorry you are dealing with this difficult situation.
