I think about that a lot. Some here know my situation - diagnosed with DKA and a good number of symptoms typical of Type 1 diabetes, but because of several factors (to cut a long story short), my endo is not sure if I have T1 or T2 and so I’m waiting to get my c-peptide test results and hopefully some answers to this mystery.
I confess I’m probably at the highest possible risk for T2. Overweight (NOT obese. I calculated my BMI), Asian, family history of T2 (grandma and cousin on the maternal side), formerly sedentary lifestyle (trying not to slide back into it now that school has opened and I get tired easily with the workload). And so I did promise myself to be calm when my endo formally diagnoses me as either T1 or T2.
However, I have secretly hoped that she will tell me its T1 so I don’t have to blame my unhealthy lifestyle habits (which ARE changing for the better) and can just put the blame on my own immune system. Even when I was first diagnosed, the first thing I did when I was conscious enough to know I’m diabetic, I blamed myself for it.
I’m extremely scared of people pointing fingers at me and telling me it’s my own doing. I don’t deserve diabetes. Neither do you, but sometimes it just happens due to genetics or lifestyle or whatsoever. I think that’s something I am really afraid of.
So yes, I think there is some element of guilt for me even though I call myself an unknown diabetic. I always wonder if there would’ve been a different outcome should I have taken better care of my health. But diabetes is now always going to be a part of my life and so I have to suck it up and live.