I feel the EXACT same way you do right now. I just passed my 6 year anniversary of diagnosis and I can't imagine what the rest of my life is going to be like. It's so overwhelming to think long term. And you're exactly right that my family and friends can only say so much because they don't get it. It's so hard to find someone to turn to since no one understands. It's very lonely and I'm terrified.
I deal with this on a daily basis. It's so hard being depresed and having diabetes. Diabetes just adds more difficulties. I sruggle so muc... I have a hate relationship with my diabetes. I have had it for about 14 years and its hard for me to this day. Thankfully I have a pump...without it I would be a mess. We all need eachother. I just moved across country...my husband is in the military- m goal is to find a group for Type 1 diabetes. No one understands like the one's who have it! Your not alone. Keep your head up.
Lauren,
First of all we care for you a great deal and we want the best for you. A doctor once told me something that has stuck with me for over 30 years. She said when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired I would treat my diabetes with respect. Well she was right I got tired of feeling sick and tired and low and behold i got it under control. it was tough, but I got it there with some help.
Which brings me to part 2. Lauren, please schedule an appointment with a good therapist and talk things through. I did and yes it made a tremendous difference. Diabetes is an emotional as well as physical disease. please schedule and appointment it will do you so much good. I promise., oh and you will not feel awful, or scared, or odd it helps a bunch, I am living proof.
Lawrence Phillips Ed.D.
Hi Lauren! I'm probably only going to be repeating a lot of things that have already been said but you are not crazy! I've had diabetes for 17 years now and I still have periods of time where I don't take great care of it. Good news. Everyday is another day to start fresh, regardless of how you managed your diabetes yesterday. Even better news, due to the nature of diabetes, you can start physically feeling better (More energized, happier, healthier) With in a few hours of good control. Better news yet, the longer you maintain that control, the better and better you feel each day you wake up.
Doctors, family, and friends sometimes forget that not every decision about diabetes is clinical. There is a lot of psychology involved, and a lot of emotional strain. Of course it's not logical that you aren't taking care of yourself, it's emotional.
The most important thing you can do right now is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not checking your sugars. Forgive yourself for skipping your insulin. Forgive yourself for letting diabetes take control for a while. A lot of times we feel locked into our behavior as a diabetic. We've already screwed up, so what's the point? But you haven't screwed up. You had a bad day, or a series of bad days in a row. Don't let those numbers be a way to grade YOU. YOU are NOT your bloodsugar. Your bloodsugar is only an effect of diabetes on your body. And you can control your diabetes. Someone mentioned thinking "I'm glad I caught that!" that's a great piece of advice.
When you take the emotion out of your bloodsugar, you take the power out of it. Sure you feel like crap, but you can change that. That's what is so great about diabetes. You can change it's course and train it to behave. It doesn't have to dominate you, it can merely be something that's with you.
You got this and you are not alone!
Hi Lauren,
I have had the same feelings and way of thinking for many years now. I could not figure out why I just couldn't get my act together. I know I was in denial. I didn't want Diabetes. I would never test my levels and just guess what insulin I needed before a meal. I got to the point only a few months ago where I thought I should even try hypnosis to get myself to do the right thing because I just couldn't. My diabetes was a huge weight on my shoulders and was causing me depression and anxiety. I desperately wanted someone who understood and could help. Finally one day I found some help. My husband found a new specialist for me who actually cared and I took baby steps to help myself. I NEVER used to test my sugar levels. From the day I saw my new doctor I gradually increased my testing bit by bit.Baby steps aren't so daunting. Now it is like a game to me. I want to test all the time to see how well I am doing. If it isn't a great result I think to myself at least I noticed it isn't great and I can fix it and the next result will be good. I am not sure why the doctor had such a big impact on me. I think it was just the little bit extra help I needed at the right time. I am still bit by bit trying to get my levels to a better control but I am happy that I finally started to look after myself and one day you will be too. When you are ready. I still have my Why me I hate this days but everyone has there off days.If you ever need someone to listen I would love to help.Maybe a few people with diabetes encouraging you may one day be the help you need.