I have, myself, found it easier to just accept the cookie, at times. Then, I launch it - fast pitch softball style - as far as I can, into a place where it can never be recovered, without saying a word. Seems to end the discussion. This is reserved for moments when people are really crossing lines.
1 Like
Are you sure ? Its really good fish and it will spoil and go to waste if no one eats it.
1 Like
I have more concern about turning down food I can’t stand, as opposed to something that is too carby.
Eating out sucks. The last time a wile ago when I really was new at this T1 thing I got Salmon at a fancy seafood restaurant. $30 I got a little piece maybe 6 oz on a day when gravity is extra strong.
I go to the market and buy 3lbs at a time and its usually about $30. I get 3 meals, I eat a whole pound of salmon one sitting. And no one makes me wait for some stupid check.
When I finally sign up for that diabetes dating site I am going to write I hate restaurants. Lets go spend $60 on something that’s actually fun.
1 Like
I’m a T1 on a pump, so consider that with my comments…
I’ve been following this conversation. A couple of thoughts.
I do not want to removed from my friends and family, because they take me places or serve foods I won’t eat. I am not diabetes, but diabetic. So I make choices.
I rarely say no to events or locations. It only focuses on the diabetes. I make food choices. Quietly. Like passing the bread basket without partaking.
Sometimes it is difficult. I think this is the bottom line of the discussion. Do I want to eat that? Yes. Will
I? Rarely. I let all demands slide by, usually with just a plate pass.
Last point. If I eat high carb foods all the time, don’t check my BGs, don’t take insulin correctly, I am in big trouble. If I eat something “wrong” once in a while, take insulin to cover, the world doesn’t end. Pleasure, even with food, is good for the soul.
I hate to make my diabetes an issue. It works for me.
4 Likes
I know we all have different perspectives because of our various backgrounds and experience with diabetes. A lot of it is based on how long ago a person was diagnosed. But I find the topic of this thread a bit trivial.
I had diabetes in kindergarten. Every birthday party had cake, with pieces cut and given to every kid in attendance. School had parties for every occasion. There was Halloween, Christmas cookies, Easter baskets, Valentine’s chocolate hearts, sweets given for every occasion. Lunch time at school was a free-for-all. Every school lunch had a sugary dessert - cupcakes, pie, donuts, cookies, pudding - and those were always passed around, exchanged, shared, etc.
I was able to navigate that when I was a child. I don’t think it should be difficult for an adult to just say, “No thanks”, and move on.
7 Likes
Just say “no thanks” and don’t let it bother you. Or have a cookie and dose for it. Either way it’s not worth letting it bother you…
4 Likes
I’ve had T1 since 1962, and I agree. 57 years at Christmas. It’s about choices, belonging, and good manners. I am not the important one in the room.
1 Like
To all those who are just saying to say, “No, thanks,” I don’t think the initial declining of food is what makes things awkward. It’s when you’re arround people who go, “Are you sure? Everyone else is eating. Aren’t you hungry? I feel bad you’re not eating! You’re sure I can’t find you anything?”
Like @Eric2, I’ve had to avoid foods since I was in elementary school. That part doesn’t bother me and is a non-issue. It’s when people will not take a simple, “No, thank you,” as an answer that really makes me feel awkward.
I often go to restaurants, parties, events, potlucks, and so on with people and just don’t eat. And often, that’s fine. I tell people I’m there for the great company, not the food. But every once in a while I’ll get someone who doesn’t know me well and for literally an hour goes on and on about me not eating.
If I could always just say, “No, thanks,” and have the matter dropped and not brought up again for the remainder of the outing, that would be great! In my experience, that’s sometimes not the case. The fact that me not eating appears to bother other people more than it bothers me is not only irritating, but it sometimes makes me outright dread a particular event (such as a conference banquet).
3 Likes
Let me ask, is there a difference in how men and women are treated in this regard? And I hope I am not being sexist with this question, I really do not know if that is an issue.
As an adult, I’ve never really felt hassled with it. I say “No” one time, and I am never pushed more than that. Maybe an occasional “Are you sure?”, but that’s about it.
Do you think it is different for men and women?
Or an ice cream social!
I try not to make a big deal about it–what usually works best for me is “Thanks but I’d have to take insulin for it and right now’s not a good time.”
Hardest time I ever had with this was in a village in the mountains of SW China, where my brother was marrying a woman of the Jingpo people. “Hospitality culture” doesn’t half convey how strong these traditions were, and there wasn’t any baseline understanding of diabetes, even if I spoke the language well enough to try to explain it. They don’t have much access to more than basic medicine and as my brother’s new BIL, a surgeon, explained, it just falls into the category of a wasting disease and when you get it, you die of it. Anyway, the rituals around giving and sharing were very strong–and beautiful in many ways (the one about drinking rice vodka was particularly clever). So when someone hands you a baseball-sized globe of rice stuck together with honey, expecting you to enjoy it in front of them it’s kind of a challenge. One approach was to take a bite and smile and then pass it to my wife to enjoy. This was pre-pump and definitely pre-CGM days for me, and with all this strange food, the altitude and unpredictable exercise, the burn rate for test strips was a lot faster than I had planned for (we had to climb up to the village on foot and the bulk of my supplies were down in the city–we ended up staying an extra two days because of bad weather and I was literally down to my last strip, which I’d been holding back for emergencies, on our last day). Learning the phrase for “thank you,” was important, but the phrase for “No more I’m too full!” even more so (‘ngai khusai’ with a hand drawn across your throat). “Drink up!” and “drink happy!” also figured largely in my limited dialogue.
But you think refusing sweet stuff is hard, try refusing cigarettes! The general rule was, if you’re going to have something, you offer it to everyone else first. This decidedly included cigarettes, and the idea of a grown man not smoking just didn’t make sense to them (I had quit back in my twenties). Fortunately most of their sharing rituals had an “out” built into them. With cigarettes you could stick it behind your ear, indicating you’d have it later, so I’d do that and just give it to my brother at some point–he was still smoking then. The one for “rice water” (distilled rice wine, powerful stuff) was that they’d give you the bamboo cup and pour in a generous tot of the stuff, then you’d look in the cup and say oh you’ve been too generous and pour some back before drinking. This was great because you could pour it all back and pretend to drink, or pretend to pour some back and drink it all, or anything in between, thus satisfying the needs of generosity and politeness to everyone’s content.
3 Likes
Well as the old drug program said just say no
No explinations no excuses needed.
I’m don’t think I really ever say no to food because I’m diabetic. I’ve never been taught not to eat certain foods, just to eat healthily with the occasional treat and bolus accordingly. We have cake in the office for birthdays, which I always enjoy. I bolus 15 mins before and enjoy the cake. I’ve never suffered a hyper because of it.
Just tell them “no thanks, I just ate so I’m not hungry”. Or just the polite “No, thanks.”
This is exactly right. The two senior staff at my research center are constantly making a fuss over me (we eat as a team a lot; field work trips; receptions; conferences; work dinners; etc.), and it really annoyed me until I realized that they were trying to make sure I felt included and wanted. If they’ve managed to actually hit the jackpot with a food I can safely and want to eat, I always make a point now to not only thank them but eat a small amount. I can deal with a few extra carbs and calories here and there, and it goes a long way to strengthening that social bond.
I do a lot of stakeholder and community engagement with indigenous people as part of my job, and this holds true in the Americas as much as it does in Asia. Sticking that cigarette behind the ear or in a shirt pocket and then finding an “honorable” use for it later is pretty key adaptive behavior 
It’s gravely offensive to refuse tobacco from some elders and traditionally-minded folks, even in the U.S.
The food I’ve just had to learn to suck it up and try a bit of everything. Fortunately, for most of the communities I work with (in the Arctic and sub-Arctic), the traditional and sacred foods are generally low-carb. But eating in groups, and inviting visitors to eat, is so important to people (and not just traditional people) that I’ve gone out of my way to find healthy ways to engage. Sometimes that’s just eating small amounts and “taking the hit” on the BG front.
1 Like
Yep, I battle this all the time, and rarely know what to say except repeating again and again that I do not want it. Occasionally I will jokingly say “are you trying to kill me?” Said lightly enough they seem to finally get the message, but it annoys me that it has to be taken that far. No mean NO, on any subject.
I usually say “yes” to food with the caveat that I’ll only eat a bite-size amount, like a tiny sliver of cake, or a single candy, or a spoonful of potato-salad. It hardly raises my BG, and I can usually walk it off in like 10 minutes. Even sitting with good posture lowers my BG.
I sort of had a problem pre diabetes,
As a male with a thin body type it was often suggested I eat more.
What a double standard, try telling an overweight person their body looks wrong so they should eat less to correct it. Bet you get an angry reaction.
2 Likes
This is in the context of working with Native American and Alaskan Native peoples, for whom tobacco has spiritual and cultural (as well as medicinal and recreational) significance. You don’t have to smoke what is given to you, but it is really bad form to refuse a gift of tobacco, whether that be a cigarette, a pouch of pipe tobacco, or a twist of home-cured.
I don’t smoke, so I’ve learned to say “Thank you!,” stick a cigarette behind my ear, and then pass it on or make other use of it. For some people, sharing tobacco is more than just asking if you want a smoke!
1 Like
Well, you’re welcome to your opinion 
I think you’re missing my point, and that is OK. Have a good day.