Clueless familliy

so my sister in law just looks at me and say’s" Danny would you like some cake".

No, thank you…

And mean it…


Hurts when our families haven’t a clue. I say no thanks & usually have to repeat it several times.

I’m not sure which one is worse… the offering of bad food, or the policing the food we DO eat to tell us we can’t eat it, and snatching it from our hands. lol

They’re equally obnoxious in my book.

We all have our own families. One particular incident of note in my troubled past, one relative made me a special diabetic dinner, virtually no fat, no veggies, and all carbs. That one makes your head spin.

mmmmmmm cake

It was just a question.

I might be more thick skinned than most, but to me the offer of a single something sweet when I couldn’t possibly be ready for it (e.g. no chance to bolus, or even if I did bolus I was already high and it was not appropriate at all to eat moreat that time) is not the worst thing.

Would you rather that everyone else in the room be offered cake, and they didn’t even ask you because you were diabetic?

Slightly worse, is showing up to an event (family, corporate, school, whatever) and the only drinks are non-diet colas. Or fruit juices. The only food is cake or pastries.

At least at a family kitchen if I was offered some cake and I wanted something healthier I could ask if they had any veggies in the fridge. Or if I was offered a non-diet-cola I could ask for water, or something else, etc.

Again, maybe I’m just too thick-skinned about this. Realize that way back in the stone-knives and bearskins world when I was diagnosed as a kid, telling neighbors or extended family about my T1 diagnosis was scandalous and guaranteed my non-invitation to any event with food - there was that much of a stigma. Today there is some cluelessness still but the scandal/stigma of never being invited to social events because they were scared of having a diabetic there, is not so evident or may even be gone.

I think we have to cut people some slack. Certain comments may annoy us no end, but In the long run we are better off just keeping it to ourselves.

For starters there are different diabetic diets. I’m a T2 low carber so I would decline the cake, but I know from reading this forum that there are T1s who might take a small portion and use extra insulin. There are other diabetics, who are in denial, who have not modified their diet at all, these folks might have a second piece of cake:)

Most people participating in this forum are trying to do the best they can with the hand they’ve been dealt, diabetes and food choices tend to dominate our lives, at least to a degree. To the average person, diabetes is something they know little or nothing about, that was certainly true of me before diagnosis.

I can’t count the times someone who I have told many times I eat no grain whatsoever seems surprised when I say “I can’t eat that”. I don’t let it bug me, its not going to change, it’s just human nature.

Guys… we don’t know the situation, and we don’t know his family. I’m pretty sure he just wants us to commiserate with him… because we’ve all been there, and we’ve all been upset at stubborn people who know us, and don’t get us. Let’s not be total bores and give him a lecture, okay?

In our case, it is usually relatives who, even though we told them my niece could have cake if she covers for it with insulin, step in and object if we offer her a piece of cake, i.e., the food police. Diagnosed at age 8, if she really wants a piece of cake, she can have it. She can’t have it if she is high and we would intercede if she was eating cake regularly. But once in a while it is okay. 99 percent out of 100, if you offer her a piece of cake or sweets she would say no. Sweets in small portions and in moderation is okay. Generally,we have found if we just give her an extra unit of insulin for the cake, her blood sugars will be okay. Some foods need more insulin to cover. Yes, both food pushers and food police are annoying.

It’s funny to hear you say that, because it really bothers me to NOT be offered something when everyone else is. I can eat cakes at times, yesterday was a family b-day and I spilt a piece with my son. But I hate it when people just skip me when offering something.

One nice thing about a forum as opposed to a face to face conversation is that if a person is boring, you can simply stop reading, as opposed to being stuck until you can somehow make a graceful exit :slight_smile:

its always nice to be offered something even if you have to turn it down.

I didn’t say this for MY benefit, I said it for HIS benefit… HIS family knows him. They ought to know whatever his preferences are, and I’m sure he’s gotten tired of telling them… lol I am sure he just wants people to relate, not to lecture him.

It’s awkward either way. I’d make a joke out of it like – “I’d love one, thanks, but first let me go call for an appointment with the hospital, so they can pick me up right after I finish.” And laugh.

for me it’s worse when I take the cake and someone tells me “you can’t eat that”. But it’s hard to have someone offer you cake when you’re high or can’t bolus and you really want that cake!

Our office does monthly birthday/anniversary gatherings. When I first started there, there was cake. Only cake. If I wasn’t in a good place for cake, I would skip it. The administrator kept offering me cake. I told her that I can have cake when I planned for it but my glucose was still a bit high after lunch or if I was having a high glucose for some reason I had best not. I made a suggestion that perhaps in addition to cake we could have veg tray or fresh fruit of some sort. It works out pretty well. Lots of other folks like having a healthier choice at the gathering.

It is a good suggestion for families as well. it sucks being left out, it sucks having someone tell you “oh, you can’t have that.” But you have to admit that the simple act of asking a diabetic if they want some cake is a little mind blowing. Now we think in terms of how big that piece is and how much carb we estimate is in that piece. When you first hear it, it’s almost like someone has said, “would you like a cup of poison?” Danny, I totally get that first “you did NOT just say that!” impulse.

I go to one of my sister’s house on certain holidays. They don’t make anything special. Theirs enough food there that I can eat the meat, vegetables and other low carb dishes. I found I can sometimes eat a small spoon full of the high carb starchy foods. Not much more than a taste but it works. No blood sugar spikes 1 hour after eating.

For desert I always bring my own. On Thanksgiving I bring a low carb pumpkin pie and low carb pumpkin cake. My family likes my pie more than one made of sugar and regular flour. I make the pumpkin cake the most when going to family get togethers because my mom likes them.

Last Easter I brought a low carb chocolate cake. I even had some people at work try it and so far everyone thinks it tastes good. I have been having a small piece every day for over a year now. It doesn’t affect my blood sugar.

The food is put out on a large table and every one helps themselves to what they like. I always eat good and have a nice piece of desert and my blood sugar is always good 1 hour after eating.

My family knows I’m diabetic and rarely offers anything I can’t eat. And if they make a mistake, I just politely refuse and nobody takes a fence. No feeling are ever hurt either way.

Since we all know how clueless most people ( family, friends and the general public) are about what diabetics can and cannot eat. I think whatever someone answers the offering person is totally up to the diabetic him/herself.