Katie,
I am feeling very empowered, I must admit! Thanks for helping me out.
-RS
Judith, Thanks for your encouraging words. Do you happen to remember the name of that book you read? I am a complete book worm so I would love to dive right into that. Thanks for helping…
-RS
NO EXCUSES… I like that mantra! I wish all I had to do was say that 3 times like Dorthy and everything will be all right again! Why is it that mental health and diabetes don’t automatically go hand in hand? I want to be healthy but… and there lies the problem!.. I will try the “NO EXCUSES”, thanks!
-RS
I am sooooooooooo glad that I am not the only only one to “forget”… I feel jealous of the ppl w/ T1 that this disease has become part of them. I am still struggling with why I rebel against myself but knowing I am not ALONE makes me feel 100x better already!
Thanks!
RS
I was going to say something… but I forgot! hahah…
Welcome to the forum. I am T2 but I can relate to some part of your story. Lots of good suggestions already so don’t have much to say.
This forum has helped me regain my confidence. They are lovely and very much supportive.
Remember, Rome was not built in a day - keep trying, trying, trying. To get to do the things that I could not over and over again. Its like dying and getting re-born everyday.
I like one quote on a photograph in this forum - “NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER, NEVER,
GIVEUP”
((Hugs)) to you and as others have said, just take it one day at a time. For what it’s worth, many endos still tell parents to let their child handle their T1 on their own, which I think is a huge mistake. It took my DH and I a few months to figure out this is horrible advice. Sounds like you had other challenges at home as well.
Be good to yourself and be a little bit selfish about getting yourself back on track. The best thing you can do is get yourself in the right place mentally, physically and financially before you start a family of your own.
Good luck, you can do this!
RS: If you are on Humalog injections, there is a memoir pen that takes cartridges and stores the last 16 doses and times you took them, as well as the amount taken. It was very helpful when my dad was over-medicated and couldn’t remember if he had dosed.
Dear RS,
First of all you are such beautiful girl 
I am also VERY MUCH impressed about your self awareness… You do know so much about yourself, you do recognize what you want to improve in your life, and you take the responsibility for that. Thats nice the way you ask for help, we can tell you are genuine and really willing to have a better life, so YOU WILL. As you want help, help will come
I am a T1 too for 18 years, my diagnosis was when i was 12, pretty similar to you. I have been through a long journey with diabetes, and I am still there. I can just separate 2 different periods:
Phase 1. From 12 to 27: Constantly fighting against Diabetes -> getting hurt, frustrated, and depressed (A1C average: 9,3)
Phase 2. From 27 to nowadays: Understanding Diabetes and embracing it ->till getting frustrated (but just sometimes), not depressed (just living as a normal person the ups and downs of life) and (A1C average: 7,3)
What i mean is… Its a life cycle, One cycle ended to a new one be started, it has a lot to do about maturity and learned lessons… When we learn the lesson and pass on the exams we achieve other level and take new classes, until we don’t understand the previous one we have to repeat the lesson again.
You have learned a lesson: Its time for the change
When I learned that lesson all the tools came to me. I signed up to this website, I intensified on therapy, I moved from insulin shots to a pump, I started to understand that I deserved a better life… Its not perfect at all, I still struggle with highs and lows but now i am conscious about whats REALLY important on our lives, and i can assure that they are very FEW things that does matter, and one and maybe the most important of them is our self-care, our health (emotionally and physically)
You are a smart and beautiful girl, all the sources are available. There are so many free support groups all over, there are Free diabetes events, there are counselors and coachings who are people specialized to make our process easier. I thought I had to do SO many changes in my life to get a better control, but its NOT true… Few simple steps are powerful! I dont do complicate things because i know i cant keep up with them on a da-to-day basis, but every single blood sugar is a moment for reflection and meditation, ask your self Why this number? there is always a reason. I HIGHLY recommend a book I am reading, Its called Your Diabetes Experiment, from Ginger Vieira, she is a T1 and Diabetes Coach: http://living-in-progress.com/2011/01/your-diabetes-science-experiment/
Go for it, i will be cheering for you! Keep me posted about your advances!!
Sorry, i write too much LOL
Fabiana
Very inspiring 
Thank you for sharing Marps
Hey Sunny,
You are not alone… and you’ve already done the hardest part, you started…
btw, I start over all the time… pretty much every day… every day I decide if d is going to win, or am I going to… some days d thinks it does, because I’m just not up to it… but I try anyway, and in the trying, no matter what my numbers are, I win. And in choosing to start, YOU have already won… no matter what the current numbers are, YOU. HAVE. ALREADY. W O N! another other cool thing, tomorrow, we all get to win again… together… as we look after and encourage each other.
Feel good about your decision, feel very good, it’s the decision of a winner… and if you have a setback, don’t sweat it… just start over when the time is right… for you. We are all different, and the way d affects us is different. But… we are here… together. If you need to lean on someone, just remember, there are literally thousands of friends here. All you have to do is ask…
one last thing… d sucks… YOU, do not.
-t
http://www.tudiabetes.org/profiles/blogs/dwell-in-possibility
Not something I know much about except that doing a web search for “diabulemia” might help find people that know more about it, or give you a name for it to mention to the clinic.
Fabiana,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Some days I find it hard to see what you see in myself but I have become used to that. Its super great to hear it from random people, I truly mean it. I feel I am between a rock and a hard place right now. I see myself screaming to my doctors “I NEED HELP!” but no one is listening… the clinic is too busy and the free counselors are not ready to deal with someone like me (I tired, very hard). I just didn’t know where to turn - besides here.
Ugg… today is not a good day I guess, every time I want to write something Im questioning myself. I will just say… thank you.
Are you receiving treatment for your C-PTSD? There is probably a clinic where you live that can put you on a sliding scale fee based on your income or lack thereof, so it would be more affordable. It sounds like if you can get the C-PTSD under control, taking care of your diabetes wouldn’t be quite as difficult. I work at a mental health clinic and I know if the root problem isn’t dealt with, it will mess everything else up in your life. Find some place to go where you can receive treatment for past trauma and maybe get some medication to help you deal with life. Believe me, I’ve been in a bad place before and the medication and treatment was a life-saver!!
I think its more that i have tried and my counselor at the time let me know that she can only handle so much. I will need to speak with a specialist! I was so upset, I was turned off and angry. Do you know of the type of places that can assist me? What I have been locating are not equipped in dealing with situations like mine. (Of course this makes me feel even more like a freak)
Dear,
You are very much welcome. I wish i could help you more effectively. I know how much a psychological effective treatment is important to make the change happen. I have been there and of course besides other efforts, and help such as Tudiabetes, Therapy was very important.
Making a search about health care in new jersey I ve found that on American Diabetes Association website:
The following information details health insurance and assistance programs available to uninsured people in New Jersey:
So the other thing is, I am doing a Masters in Psychology in Sfo, and what i know is that the Universities usually has a psych center where they charge a very few rate because uts kind of a training to the students, you might be thinking, omg i dont want to have my treatment with someone with not much experience, but all the sessions are supervised, and seriously, I have met such GREAT students, that knows so much, and on the other hand some of them are on the Master program but has previous experience in the clinical field. Why dont you make a search with the local universities and found out what they can do.
In MY case, my own experience tells that We can have the access to information, which is great, but to implement the change and use that info really in our benefit we gotta be emotionally stronger. Well, as I said, this is my experience… Might be different to the others, ok.
Good Luck, pls let me know how is it going. If you want to we could talk on skype some day I would love to chat with you and share a bit of my life
Fabiana
And you can write whatever you want to… sometimes we question too much ourselves. Just be yourself. Take care!
Wow, I have never thought of myself in that way… OMG… wow! Thank you so much! wow…
I would like everyone to know bc all of you have given me sooo much help… I called a counselor specialized in PTSD and explain my situation and he said he will give me 6 free sessions! After that he sid not to worry “we’ll figure it out”! Isn’t that awesome… Thanks for all of your support, from the bottom of my heart!
Great news, Sunny! Best of luck to you. It takes time, but I have seen people with PTSD do very well with good support and good tools that they can use for themselves on a daily basis to deal with things that trigger them. It will get easier with time!