Hello Everyone on TuDiabetes. My name is Kathleen & I am 18 years old. Nice to meet you all!
It was such a pleasure finding this site. After searching for answers, I feel this might be the right direction to go. I did a Diabetes camp when I was 17 Years old, and found that finding people to relate to allowed me to feel much less isolated with my disease. So much so, that it left me in tears after arriving home because I didn’t have that support or that family that I felt an immediate connection to. From that day, I knew I had issues in dealing with my diabetes. If I had dealt with it, those emotions would not have manifested and I would have been able to continue living my life with my beautiful families support as well as the support of my boyfriend.
I am not here to receive counseling, or bore the latter of you with the fact that everyday in some way or another anxiety presents itself. And not always due to Diabetes. Nor am I here to complain about the disease and feel sorry for myself. But rather I am here to find out if someone feels the way I do & find a practical solution to all of this. To give you a little background information on myself. I was diagnosed with diabetes on June 6th 2008, almost 3 years ago. Hours away from a Coma little did I know. For at least 5 or 6months my blood was perfect. HbA1c was within the 5-6 range majority of the time. I felt in control, and always wondered why most people didn’t look after themselves. It wasn’t until the months and years went on and on that I realized it was for life. I mean I knew, but never comprehended. Before Diabetes, I was a joker, I had aspirations, and I was known for my bubbly personality. I am not suggesting that I have lost it completely. But I’m starting to think that Diabetes took that from me. I’ve been searching for answers the last couple of days, because after counseling in 2010 and the apparent recovery, my relapse has come in the form of abnormal anxiety attacks and depression without reason. I feel like during my 12 sessions of counseling, I was looking in the wrong direction to feel better. Trying to find problems with my life. But unknown to me, until now, I think Diabetes had been the cause all along. Call me stupid, but I always over-looked Diabetes as my cause of Clinical Depression. Because It was so permanent, I thought I had already accepted it. But I don’t remember a life before Diabetes with depression or anxiety. I knew I was predisposed to it, because each of my family members has it in some shape or form. But its taking over my life. Pulling at my tolerance strings.
I’m currently living in Thailand (for 8months) with my boyfriend and his family. This should be one of the biggest and most exciting moments in my life. But my anxiety makes it so difficult to clear the fog and see the beauty of what I’m doing. I’m here to find myself. Leave Australia and all its influences behind and truly find the piece of me that has been missing. I can’t take this much longer. I used to frown on people who didn’t appreciate life or blamed their problems on depression. Look at me now? Its pathetic. I’ve become pathetic. I need some motivation to get my diabetes under control again and I’m hoping that joining this beautiful community will help me see that I shouldn’t let this disease control my life, but instead control it. Thank you all for your beautiful Welcomes. And I really hope that I haven’t come across as someone who is spoiled or ranting on about something unnecessary. But at this stage, I’m really willing to do anything to find myself again.
Thank you for reading if you have! I look forward to hearing what you have to say. Feel free to be brutal, but please be sensitive to my issue. I’m too fragile at the moment and even the smallest thing may scare me away. Haha. I’ll be try and be strong!