Hey there John,
I can certainly relate. The physical pain of this disease isn’t that bad for me just yet. I have some neuropathy in my feet, erectile dysfunction, and the occasional bout of depression. Ok, more than occasional, let’s say regular, but not constant or even usual bout of depression.
Things you can do. Find something to distract you from the moment. Running, walking, playing the guitar.
I find that shooting sports work well for me. Archery, pistol range, etc. There is something about taking all that energy and sending it down range that makes you come away from it feeling like a burden has been taken off you. The concentration, the making the target represent whatever, the disease, your pancreas for turning on you, the most recent (because you know it wont be the last) idiot you had to deal with. Then sending the bullet or the arrow down range. The felt recoil of the handgun or the release from drawing the arrow back, and putting that hole in the paper is like knocking one brick out of the wall that imprisons you.
Another thing you can do, seems a little counter intuitive. If you want to feel better, then help someone else. I’ve heard it said that the way to find yourself is to lose yourself in something bigger. No matter your circumstances, YOU can make a difference to others. From working in soup kitchens, to reading to kids in the library, to making it part of your day to help fellow diabetics on tudiabetes. Get active in your church, volunteer at the hospice, something. You CAN do something that makes a big difference to someone.
Don’t dwell on the whys? Why did this happen to me? Why do I feel this way? The whys don’t really matter. Your actions did not create this disease, but they can effect how you live with it. The realities are that unless you are hit by a bus or something else happens to you, the complications of diabetes will probably kill you. Well something has to kill all of us. At least very few people I know about manage to make it off this planet without dying. And if you have to have a chronic disease, diabetes is the one that lets you have the most control of the course. What we do, the decisions we make, from do I skip my testing myself AGAIN, or I just don’t want to take my meds because I feel like ■■■■, will have an effect on my life. This is YOUR life. You have the control.
Make no mistake about it. You are in a life and death struggle with this disease. How you react to it will determine your outcome. Ignore it, deny it, and it will kill you. Deal with it, fight it and you put off the day of your death long enough for something else to get you. Like maybe that bus when you are crossing the street to get into your new Ferrari, when you are 103 and off to pick up your 30 year old girlfriend. Hey it could happen!!
Make it part of your mission to be as informed as you can. Learn about this disease. Educate yourself about it, so that it doesn’t have any surprises in store for you. Pass on that knowledge. Educate others. Be it the idiot at the next table that thinks that your testing your BG before a meal is disgusting, or some one who is so new to the disease that they don’t even know what is a hemoglobin A1c.
Ok, my soapbox is getting a little rickety. And I better get off it before I fall.
I wish you didn’t have to be here. But since you are, welcome to the battle friend and let’s try to help each other.
