I’m now type 1 for 10 years. I used to be the happiest and calmest person friends and family used to say. I loved life and I really liked making people equally happy about life. I used to meditate three times a day. But I’m in so much unrest now that I can’t even sit still for a minute and even if I do I don’t feel good afterwards. I rarely smile these days. It seems I don’t even have energy to smile. Any downfall in my life takes me month if not years to get over. What’s happening to me? Why can I not be happy any more? I’m a qualified fitness instructor and I’m supposed to motivate others to become fit and healthy but I can’t even motivate myself. Everything is a struggle. Nothing is easy anymore. All I can see is how my life gets shorter and shorter every day. I feel lonely even though people are around me. Everything must be controlled in my life. I’m not allowed to be spontaneous anymore. I work to get money to pay for my food so I can eat what I need just to go back to work again. And in my free time I’m working out physically to keep my bloods at bay. What a life… But I still have to keep smiling for my friends and family because they will never understand. It’s like being at a battle or a war that never ends… And you don’t even know what you are fighting for.
You seem depressed, but then, I guess I am only an amateur psychologist. If it has anything to do with diabetes, then maybe admitting that I was angry the first ten years might help. That my system was out of wack and I had to take medicine and see doctors. Arggg ! That was a big one. I was not happy.
A dear friend, a drinking buddy from a different context, once told me to “get out of myself” (which is a physical impossibility) and try to help one other person. I think I told him to “stuff it” (which is not physically impossible) but I have remembered what he said. It had to do with perspective and a certain generosity of spirit. Anyway, good luck.
Hi Robert17,
Thanks for the correction.
Hi Pete7,
I’ve been Type 1, since the age of 16 (a junior in high school). While other girls were learning to apply lipstick and mascara, I spent 2 weeks in hospital learning the fine art of “shooting up.”
I also wondered why life was doling out such a cruel and unjust punishment. Realizing that death was not a viable option for me, I chose life.
Yes, in those days my mom had to sterilize glass syringes on the stove. There was no apparatus to test BG…it was by no means easy. Please realize how lucky you are to have been born later where there’s such a wide array of products and an ever-evolving improvements in technology to help us.
I’ve been in a diabetic coma and I’ve many episodes of overnight hypo, sometimes regaining consciousness in the ER.
I have both a very strong love of life and an equally strong will to survive.
At 16 I was told I wouldn’t live to age 50 and never have children. Now, I’m well over 50, have 2 wonderful sons and 2 beautiful grandsons.
Pete, we are all ‘fighters.’ We do our best to maintain homeostasis, by whatever means possible.
Never lose sight of the things and people you love. Soul searching could prove helpful. And so could counseling.
Lastly, remember that you are loved.
Ever since I got diagnosed I tried everything in my power to get well again. I accepted my condition but I never accepted that I won’t be healed one day. To this day I believe there is a way out. What this way may look like I don’t know. Robert17, I was angry for a long time but I knew I was. I learned to accept this a while back. Knowing there are other people in the world that suffer more then me, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to cry about my own condition. You still seem to be very angry about your own. One more thing. I don’t believe in luck!
Hey Jojeegirl,
Is your reply directed towards me or Robert17?
Sorry just confused…
Thank you Pete,
It was meant or Robert17. Thank you for the heads up.
Best,
Jo
Hi Pete,
I am not mental health professional, nor have I been diagnosed with diabetes. But I am a fitness professional and have experienced burnout. I would honestly go speak to your doctor about whether your are experiencing burnout related to managing your diabetes as well as burnout related to engaging in too much physical activity. From one fitness professional to another, one of the reasons that we “periodize” fitness programs is to give the body time to recover. Think about it, professional athletes have “preseason”, “in season” and “post season” training regimens." They don’t go, go, go all the time. As fitness professionals because we love what we do, the inclination is to be a bit imbalanced regarding training and run after getting paid at the expense of our health. Please…Go to see your physician.
you like me at 1st. but i got help, & feel better now,. good luck,.
Sure I am miffed. I am fully aware of the aweful consequences of uncontrolled diabetes and yet my T2 diabetes was getting worse. I cannot run anymore. My A1C went from 7.3 up to 10.6 and I did not know exactly why. I was so busy and was not paying attention.
Humalog for spikes and Tradjenta for I don’t know what and 20 units of long acting glargine divided into two doses 12 hours apart. And TuDiabetes for some kind of education about my problem.
If you can figure out why I put myself through all the doctors and hospitals and insurance companies and emergency rooms and the nurse practicioner ( what is that ? Where is my doctor ?) then tell me why my barber also has T2 diabetes and does absolutely nothing to treat it. Nothing. And he is somewhat overweight. The world is upside down. Okay, I’m a little miffed.
It is very strange to see all your replies… None of them really help me. Either your replies are directed away from my problem or ye all tell me how you feel yourself… If there is anyone that hasn’t dealt with this problem that I’m facing yet nore found a solution, please do not reply! I’m not looking for a physicians or psychologists opinion. Because i’ve done that. I’m looking for a nice person that understands. I know most diabetics are in the same boot and everyone thinks they are more important then another but I just need support. Life is tough and I just don’t want anymore brackets and hashtags in my life. No more smarta…'s. But if this is all ye can come up with then don’t reply at all. I know that some will still reply to rectify their replies but please just leave it. I need help not smarta…'s!
I’m having a hard time right to, & i don’t mind talking to you, i can understand how diabetes can be a pain, i’m there right now, pm me if u want to talk,.
I’m talking/writing as it is. No need for pm’s. I know we all have a hard time. I just need to know how you are fighting it without giving in to hate or anger. How to stay hopeful without hope. How to feel whole when you are not whole…
I feel like a robot, if that makes any sense. A robot that has feelings but is not aloud to feel. Life does not mean much to me this way and I’m looking for a way out. I just don’t understand how people can live with diabetes and be happy at the same time. It doesn’t go into my head. I am drained to the extent that I’m desperately seeking guidance by any means necessary.
me i take everyday as it comes, & i like to do stuff that make me happy, like going to work school, going home to see my family, & i love the out-doors, i love to camp go Hiking, hurt, i 
the out-doors,.
& i learn this when i was in the Navy, never give up hope, always have it, hope is something, you never want to give up, did i give up hope, never when times are bad, when things are bad, have hope, i do,. & as for hope like i says, just the ever-day stuff make me have it, coming on tud make me have hope. & to know there people who have this to,. sorry if it long. i hope you find stuff that make you happy.
I have been very unhappy and on suicide watch, I can’t tell you what a pain it is to have to keep going to the pharmacy to collect a day’s supply of medication. And then diabetes was added to the mix. All I can say is that what is IS and if it is diabetes it can’t be altered. I know this sounds trite but can you take a holiday?
Just a break from the daily routine would probably help you enormously.
Please choose life.
Maureen
Hi,
In your situation, I would want to rule out physical causes for how you feel.
In particular, you should have a full screening for thyroid function, that should include FT3, FT4 and TSH. FT3 and FT4 should be middle of the reference range or higher to be normal. Other things that may affect energy levels; get b-vitamin levels check, and also D vitamin levels checked.
I have hypothyroid and have been treated for this for 16 years - the diagnosis coming 10 years before I got unlucky with diabetes added to the mix.
If my thyroid is lower than it should be my coping skills drop dramatically and I start having thoughts of self harm. Luckily I now know to check my thyroid if this happens.
This is an additional thing to look into. It is treatable, and the change it makes to quality of life is monumental (and for me, lifechanging).
Hi Pete7,
First of all I send you a hug. A genuine embrace.
You expressed that you are drained to the extent that you are willing to seek guidance by any means necessary." Your expression excites me as it tells me you are willing to consider (in the least) strategies so that you can feel whole again. It is your willingness to try “to seek guidance” that resonates with me. With your permission, I’d like to make a suggestion…
Have you ever thought about connecting or reconnecting with your spirituality?
Some of the individuals I coach who are living with type 2 diabetes find that engaging in something spiritual (however, you define it) is an effective approach to coping and relieving the stress related to managing their condition. They even share with me that it provides the guidance and comfort that they need when things are particularly tough.
I do hope the above suggestion provides a bit of direction in terms of what your next steps might be.
I wish you all the very best, Pete7.
Jojeegirl
Thank you justlooking, someone has hinted this thyroid problem to be the cause or at least as a partial effect to me before. I looked up the symptoms and they match mostly the experience I’m making everyday. Of course this mightn’t be the problem but I will check this with my doctor and get him to do my bloods.
Thank you!
Pete,
I really hope this can be an answer for you. Low thyroid is a very common comorbidity with diabetes.
Back in 2000 i was over 100kg and feeling like death warned up (but not very warm at all). I saw 1 doctor who i told how i was feeling. She did all the right tests. But when the results came back (in range), she said everything was fine. I thought, if these are fine, then i want to be dead. Life is not worth living the way i felt.
I then got on line, looked up my results, realised they weren’t really ok, and finally luckily found a decent endocrinologist who took one look at me and agreed i had thyroid.problems, and who started appropriate treatment.
I lost 35 kg with treatment and in time the lights came on again.
I am saying this because results only just in range are not ok, even though some Drs think they are.
Levels have to be not just in range, they have to optimal. Also for b and d, and iron.
Anyway, i think you are smart enough to pursue this appropriately. I really believe that we people with chronic conditions have to be our own.managers.
I’ll be watching and waiting hopefully to hear things.are improving for you.
Pete7,
I can sympathize with where you are as I’ve gone there on and off several times over the years.
One thing I’ve changed in my life that has helped me cope is I took up a new hobby that wasn’t physically taxing. I used to race cars (autocross) but stopped due to my apprehension about experiencing a hypo during an event. I know it wouldn’t have been the end of the world but it still bothered me so I decided to stop racing. That activity had been a HUGE part of my life for ~8 years so it was a tough decision. As a replacement activity I’ve been learning to play guitar. It’s been a real challenge but also very rewarding as I’ve always loved music and had started learning to play 20 odd years ago but got distracted with life. It’s provided me with an activity that I find rewarding, doesn’t have to be expensive and can be fit into my schedule, which like yours is very controlled. Maybe there is something similar you’ve always wanted to try.
I’d also like to say you aren’t alone and should feel free to express your feelings exactly as you have. I know it probably provides small comfort but you have online friends here that are more than willing to offer encouragement and know exactly what you mean when you discuss how diabetes CONTROLS everything you do.
Wheelman