Dear Anna, Have you tried going to a therapist and talk about these fears? The other suggestion I have is trying to call someone who knows about your fear and can talk you through it. You can not do this alone. Please the next time this happens get some help immediately. Overdosing on insulin is another problem some long term diabetics have because when they were diagnosed they were told all the complications that will come with highs. The other thing is you might want to keep a journal of when the highs happen and see if you should take some insulin before the event that has caused the high. I know that occassionally I have a super high for no reason and I panic. But I have learned to work with folks who know me and my fears of loosing my eye sight or limbs and they have become my saving grace.
Please get some help with this phobia so that you can hang around for a lot of years and help all of us when we go a little goofy.
God Luck,
Karen
Oh, lord, yes, I’ve spent years in therapy. I’m glad someone else has a similar problem – the times when I panic the most are when I have completely unexplained highs out of the blue. I almost never get really high (above 220) – maybe once a week, so it doesn’t happen too often, but, in order to prevent myself from ever getting high, I give myself too much when I’m in range.
I agree with the whole fear of complications thing. When I was first diagnosed, I was a kid, and the doctors told me all the dangers of high blood sugars, but they didn’t say anything about lows. (I was also in a coma for several days, which probably adds to the fears.)
I like your idea of talking to someone. I just (I sound very sad here) don’t have anyone I could talk to. (I recently moved and my family lives several time zones away.) Hmm, time to go find a random stranger…
Random stranger better than nothing. I talk about my diabetes problems to his furriness. He always listens carefully and is non judgemental and will sometimes come and like my face to make me feel better. It really helps. His furriness is a strick Atkins man. I was feeding him by fork steak, steak, steak, … , steak with sweet pea. He promptly spit the sweetpea out.
Ho. Lee. Crap.
Anna, sweetie, pumpkin…I am begging you as your full fledged Type-1 brother to please please please help yourself with your phobia. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…diabetes is a disease of the mind more than anything. It can drive us mad if we let it, and I think you’re letting it go way too far.
Diabetes can create a life of isolation, loneliness, guilt, stress, worry, shame, and many many bad memories. This can lead to anxiety and, perhaps, this subconscious self destruction of which you seem to partake in.
Your intentions may not be, but your actions are truly suicidal. And I’m not talking about the slow prolonged suicide that people speak of. I’m sure the paramedics that find you passed out have already explained.You already know that this type of “treatment” is like playing Russian roulette with your precious type 1 diabetic life.
If you say it’s hard to break this habit, then it will be hard. If you say it’s gonna be difficult to overcome a severe phobia, then it will be difficult.
Anna, the fact is you are not very far at all from breaking this habit. In fact, I know that it will be ridiculously easy once you figure it out. I know this because you are ready to conquer your fear, otherwise you wouldn’t be reaching out like this. Your love for yourself forced you to write about your phobia, because you know damn well you can’t go on like this.
It’s funny, because you started your post with “I don’t really think any of you will be able to help much…” Well, from my personal experience, this community has helped me more than any doctor, endo or medication ever has. It freed me from the mental isolation that I created for myself, and suddenly…just like that…my life of diabetic madness ceased to exist.
So alls I can say is keep writing, keep reaching out, keep looking inside yourself to find the root of your fear…and then you can end it because you already know there is NOTHING to be afraid of.
Except for polar bears.
Dino, can I hug you?
If I promise to protect you from the bears?
Yes you can hug me, but I’m warning you…I smell like Band-Aids.
Psst…Didn’t you hear? That’s what scares the bears away!
Dino-
Very very well said. Can I hug too??? : )
I smell like Band-Aids too! (yes, I read the insulin/band-aid post.)
Aww shucks…Anna, get in here this is YOUR group hug 
Anna- I’m going to pray for you! I know you’ll get it figured out. Your life is too precious:)
Dino-
You responded the way I would!!! I’m speechless!
Dude. That was really sweet (in both the nice and the awesome sense).
“It will be ridiculously easy once you figure it out.” Now I just need to figure it out. Erm. I’ve been thinking about what you wrote all day. I suppose I should just take it one day at a time, which is supposed to work for alcoholics. I will also take your advice and tell myself it will be easy. It WILL be easy.
Also, there are other things to fear besides polar bears – we have a volcano up here that’s supposed to erupt any day now. I’m hoping it does enough damage that I don’t have to go to work for a few weeks…
Thank you. And hugs. Watch out for falling ash…