I have a phobia of high blood sugars

Type 1 and LADA
1

I don’t really think any of you will be able to help much, but it helps for me to talk about this with people who understand diabetes. I live in a small town and there aren’t any endos here, and the only diabetes support groups are for type 2s.

Anyway, as the topic title says, I have a huge phobia of high blood sugars. I have panic attacks whenever I get above 140. The only thing that helps is for me to give myself massive amounts of insulin so that I go down as quickly as possible. Logically, I know this is stupid, and I know that being a little high won’t hurt me, but it doesn’t matter. This is completely illogical.

I have tried to give myself the designate amount, recommended by doctors for high blood sugars. For the next half hour or so, the only thing I can think about is how high my blood sugars are. I want to scream and throw things. I start hyperventilating. All I want is more insulin. Eventually, after waiting, I usually crack and give myself somewhere between 60 and 200 units of insulin, depending on how high I am.

This causes a lot of problems. I see the paramedics a lot, I pass out a lot. Even when I know I’m low, I often down have time to eat enough sugar to get to where I should be.

You would think I would stop. I would think I would stop. But I don’t. I think, by now, a lot of it is habit, and it’s really hard to break a habit you’ve had for years. I know I’m doing a lot of damage to myself. I’m killing brain cells. My memory is going. I get awful headaches. I break things when I have seizures. I’ve been fired from a couple jobs and am on warning from my current one.

I do want to stop giving myself so much insulin. People always tell me, “Well, then, just give yourself less insulin.” But it’s very difficult to overcome a severe phobia. For most phobias (like snakes or even public speaking), you can avoid them and it doesn’t have much impact on your daily life. Mine does.

I don’t really know why I’m so scared of highs. I didn’t used to be. It just developed a few years ago and continues getting worse. The reason doesn’t really matter. I just need to stop. I keep telling myself that, I say, “Okay, next time, I’m high, I won’t give myself a lot of insulin.” And I agree to it. And then I get a 300, and I flip out and give myself 120 in the muscle.

2

Dear Anna.

Get yourself a prescription for diazepam. Dont over do that or it may mask a low. It will remove some of the anxiety and it will calm you down and thereby reduce the blood sugar a bit. You may be right about the brain cells, not only do the need oxygen at all times but glucose also at all times.

Go to the type 2 meetings some of them may be on insulin. And for sure they have the same anxieties as you do about complications.

Did you really inject 120 units in one go?

3

Oh, I’ve done way more than 120 in one go. (Not really something I’m proud of, but once I think I gave myself about 250. I was about 450 at the time, and, well, you know. Afterwards, my should muscles were bruised for about a week.)

And I’ve always heard bad things about benzodiazepenes. But I will check the local newspaper for diabetes meetings. I don’t know how often we have them up here-- Aw, shoot, I’m low again…(no, seriously, I get low several times a day)

4

You have to educate yourselve on the subject of diabetes. Did you read my letter in the blog section called “The truth about diabetes?” You are putting your life in danger with these enormous amounts of insulin. Take little steps, small amounts ect. instead of taking insulin that may hurt you!

JOHNBEN.

5

You may be right all them psychos are bad news but the good old diazepam the least. Good for anxiety and reduces BG. Wow is this fast acting insulin? I would probably die if I injected so much, not totally sure cause I dont inject more than 10 units at a time. Seems to be a waste of money as the stuff disappears if too much is injected at one time, plus I really don’t enjoy lows and now I am obsessed about loosing weight and more insulin sure hurts that goal.

6

I am fully aware of the dangers of too much insulin. I have been told them many times. If my former endos hadn’t told me, my primary cares would have. If they hadn’t, my family would have. If my family hadn’t, the paramedics I see each week because of lows would have. If they hadn’t, the people on this forum would have. And if you guys hadn’t, then the constant googling I do at work would have told me. (I have a feeling I left a few people off this list. Oh, diabetes educators! The docs at the ER. Probably someone else too.)

The point is, I know these things, but I do it anyway. (And, no, I’m not suicidal, thank you very much. They often ask me that.) I do it, because I’m terrified of having high blood sugars. And reading your blog section where you detail all the dangers of high blood sugars doesn’t really help.

7

I know. I’ve gained so much weight since this all started. I’ve tried that one as a reason to stop giving myself so much insulin. I tell myself, “Don’t you want to lose weight? Come on. Who cares about the dead brain cells, but don’t you want to be skinny?” Always, the fear of highs outweighs the fear of fat.

And, yeah, once I dropped 300 points in about 35 minutes. Usually, once I hit 200, I have to start mainlining sugar. And it is a waste of money. But, I have decent insurance, which, in this case, probably doesn’t help.

8

I think Amarilis has given you some great ideas - having someone else be in charge of your dosage, keeping less at your disposal…

But I want to ask you this. What do you think it will take? I mean, with all of these suggestions, all of this information you already know, right now talking about it is helping you somehow…but will something just snap eventually? What do you expect will change? And how? Perhaps that’s a rhetorical question, but I think it’s one you need to ask yourself.

Have you always had these issues with insulin? What were you like in your early days of diagnosis? Did someone in your past make you feel this way about highs? Maybe if you could isolate the cause? Would that help?

I’ve been doing this almost 19 years and spent well over 15 years of that with sugars in the 200s - fluctuating, roller coasting, etc. And I am really healthy today, all things considered. I have learned that what I thought I felt about my sugars (treating 80s as lows and pushing my sugars higher) or what I thought I knew about insulin (taking it after meals, thinking that my timing didn’t matter) was sheer ignorance on my part. But for me, I needed (a) updated information, (b) support - online and off, © and understanding that I didn’t know everything I thought I knew. That’s what it took for me.

What will it be for you, Anna?

9

OMG how can you take so much insulin. I took like 300 and had a stroke. Having high blood sugars is no bueno but if my sugar was 140 my doc would be ecstatic. My average sugar is 300’s everyday. It’s because I don’t take care of myself somewhat and because I am the opposite of you. Ever since my stroke I have a fear of low blood sugars. If it drops below 100 I get freaked out. Then I eat everything in the house. That’s why I don’t take insulin when I eat most of the time. Have you talked to a doctor about this phobia. My doctor’s are getting me the real time monitor so I know what my sugar is at all times and don’t have to stress about it.

10

geez i don’t know. My sugar normally runs over 200 now a days, trying to change that. I fear being to low, because it interrupts your life for a second. Please talk to you doc, start re educating yourself, and try to relax as much as you can. You can’t control everything in your life, the number on your meter is just for reference nothing to be afraid of. You body does wacky things, but you shouldn’t overdose yourself to much are you could get really sick. Your habit does sound hard to break and sounds just as bad as not taking your medicine (my case sometimes). Please seek the help you need and come back here for support.

11

My doctor and I have actually discussed this. When I first saw him, he gave me a script for a lot of bottles for 3 months. But, then we talked about it more, the three months are up, and he says he’s only going to write a script once a week or month (he hasn’t decided yet…it’s a little hard for me to see him, since I don’t have a car, and it takes me an hour to ride the bus to his office). It seems like a good idea, but I’m not sure if it will work. He has to give me at least a bottle of insulin, and I can use that bottle to give myself what I want. And then I have to get others, because diabetics need their insulin. I’ve also considered having someone else give me the shots. I’ve been hospitalized for this a few times, and I always ended up doing well there (well, actually, I always still ran low in the hospital, but not as badly). But I have no idea how I would find someone who would control my insulin. I mean, what if I have the munchies on Saturday night? I really don’t think someone’s going to be willing to control my insulin intake. (I just recently moved here a few months ago, so I don’t have any close friends who’d be willing to do it, and my family is several thousand miles away.)

But those are all just surface solutions. I mean, they would help, but they wouldn’t solve the underlying problem. (Though I’ve taken enough psych classes to know that changing the behavior is just as, if not more important than, changing the thoughts.) I suppose I could just ask a stranger for help, but, I mean, that’s almost as bad as having high blood sugars…

12

I am seeing a therapists for the million and 8 problems I have, she wants me to do this thing called emdr so that I get over certain traumas like my stroke, your fear of high’s is probably from your coma which is traumatic so maybe you should look into it. There is a website for it www.emdr.org. It has been around for 20+ years. A lot of veterans have used it too.

13

I think I just need to stop and deal with the anxiety of highs. Unfortunately, I keep not doing that. Every day, I say I will stop, but I keep doing it. I know that’s what it will take. But, that’s a pretty major change. I wish there were some intermediate step I could take. I agree that Amaryllis’s ideas are quite good, but, I think, that as long as I have a bottle of insulin, I will abuse it.

It’s funny, I didn’t really have this problem when I was diagnosed. My first year or so (I was 8, I think), my hbA1C was 9 or so. But, for most of my teens, I was 6 or 7. I still remember, even at 11 or 12, I would give myself too much insulin. It didn’t happen as often – I think at that point, I was much too scared to give myself more than 20 units. It helped that I almost never had any sugar. My whole family cut most carbs out of their diet, and I didn’t have any sugar food till I went to college. Then, when I went away to college, I realized that I could eat what I wanted, so long as I gave myself enough insulin. For someone who hadn’t had anything but sugar free cookies (and some people may say those things are good, but I don’t know what you’re smoking) for 10 years, it turned into something of a splurge. And when you have carbs, your sugars become more unstable and you need more insulin. That’s when my whole “fear of highs” thing started causing a lot of problems, because I needed more insulin. (Heh, I never realized how much the carbs impact things. Thanks for asking that question.)

So it would probably help if I cut sweets and most carbs out of my diet. But I REALLY don’t want to; I love sweets. Oh, gah, but it would help so much. Darn it, I’m almost to the point of swearing off carbs (except, you know, when I get severely low and need some sugar). (If I agreed to do that, I would feel like one of those heroines in the movies who sacrifice their beloved [whatever] for the good of humanity. Except for me, it would be sacrificing sugar for the good of myself. I just need to decide if I’m worth the sacrifice of ice cream and snickerdoodles.)

Anyway, I’ve been hospitalized so many times, I think I have a pretty good understanding of diabetes. (Though, maybe not.) Okay, I will make an appointment with the only diabetes specialist in town. That would help.

So, the things it would take for me (in order of my willingness to do them) (a) meet with the diabetes educator, (b) cut out unnecessary carbs, © strictly follow my prescribed insulin regime.

(Maybe I should have made this a blog post. This is all rather personal, but I want to thank all of you for your help. What I’ve been doing is very dangerous, and it helps a lot to have people who understand, or who at least have educated suggestions.)

14

a nurse asked me, after hearing my sob story about being a bad diabetic, if i wanted to die and i said no. So if idon’t want to die then what else am i going to do? take care of myself to the best of my ability while i struggle with the burden of counting carbs, eating right, taking medicine right, and exercise. It may not seem like we’re all suicidal, but when we don’t take care of ourselves that’s what it looks like to a outside perspective, it’s scary to those people and should be equally for us. Good luck.

15

Hi Anna,

I agree that sometimes, even though we know better, that we make irrational decisions just cause we have a fear of some sort. The weird thing is that we know what the repercussions are of our actions, but we choose not to act on that knowledge.

I wonder if maybe you might be just kinda hyper-sensitive to your BG. I know that we are all supposed to check our blood sugar often and everything, but it is possible to go overboard. How often do you check? I know it’s tough, but if you are checking too often, you can over compensate for minor swings in your BG. Let’s face it, none of us have total control over what is happening to our blood sugar, and at some point we all have to just accept that sometimes it’s going to be out of range a little. That’s where just checking at certain points can help. It keeps you in the range fairly well, but you don’t have to freak out all the time about being at a specific point. I bet some of the people that have a CGM could relate that more information isn’t always a good thing.

You’re doing good for yourself by realizing that there is a problem, and seeking help and advice. Remember: you’re the only one that ultimately has control over your own life. By deciding to do something, you’re making a powerful step in the right direction.

Brett

16

Oh, god, yes. I test about 20 times a day. I obsess over my diabetes. I mean, it’s always on the back of my mind, “What are my blood sugars? High? Low? In range? If they’re in range, are they going up? Down? How much Lantus should I give myself tonight?” I mean, it gets kind of stressful, but I’m someone who has OCD. My doctor says I should control my diabetes, instead of letting in control me, but I’m not exactly sure how to do that. It’s hard not to think about something.

But, yes, if half an hour after eating something, I’m high, I usually get upset and give myself insulin. Which is just stupid, but my (entirely irrational) thinking is, “My blood sugars should always be in range, no matter what.”

And I really like your first paragraph. I don’t know if you do something like that or know someone who does. I think it’s fairly common for people to do things that are completely irrational and they know are bad, but they do them anyways (like eating that whole bowl of ice cream or getting back together with that awful ex) – it’s just normally, they’re not life-threatening, the way this is.

17

There are 2 ways to deal with this: chemically or with talk therapy.

The good old diazepam is an effective anti-anxiety fix.

Here we had or may still have a psychologist to deal with diabetics. All diabetics except the most unconcious have some sort of anxiety about their condition be it blood sugar or pressure or gaining weight or complications. Seeing one may be a good idea they may have exercises to cope with anxiety and fobias.

18

I know that I’ve had problems about this in the past. For a while a couple of years ago, I was having a really hard time, and there were lots of stressful things happening in my life. One way that I compensated was to just quit caring and managing my diabetes. That was a bad call. I learned the hard way that you can’t just ignore something.

I bet something that might be helpful for you would be to set a goal of how many times you are going to check every day. So, something like “I will check my BG 2 hours after eating and not before”. That way you can just take it easy until the time is right, and then correct if you need to.

Try to take it slow. Nothing easy happens overnight.

Brett

19

Anna:

You need to figure how much insulin you need, you are taking way too much. I once had a BS of 880 that was 31 years ago. I weigh 170 and am 6ft tall. I require 1 unit of Novolog to drop my BS 25mg/dl. Next time you are high take 2 units test at 2 hoiurs and then test at 4 hours. Either Humalog or Novolog will have most of their action completed at 4 hours. If you take good old regular it takes 6 hours. That way you’ll know how much to take.

Kirk

20

i always set my alarm clock, so that way i don’t do worry about it till the alarm briiinnngggs. If you have a cell you can make it super load and noticable to remind you, or you could put your cell on vibrate. No snoozing!