My last two posts have been about my low blood sugar seizure this weekend. It’s really thrown me through a mental loop that I haven’t been able to pull myself out of. I’m constantly nervous/anxious/upset.
Well, on top of this, my CGM just doesn’t work anymore. My sensor yesterday (that I had in for 2 days) was crap and never accurate. I called Minimed and the rep was ridiculous. She seemed to think than an ISIG level of 2 is perfectly acceptable for a BG of 150. I ■■■■■■■ think not. That is ridiculous. She kept telling me to not base anything on the ISIG. This just made me mad. I’m sorry but when you have months of your body getting certain numbers in certain situations and all of a sudden you get stuff that doesn’t match up…I don’t see how that’s right. Eventually I got them to replace the sensor, but I hardly think that is the problem as every sensor I put in seems progressively worse than the last.
Like last night’s for instance. I replaced the crap sensor when I got home from work. After two hours, my ISIG was around 15 for my first calibration when my BG was 111. This sounded perfect based on what I expect from my body with months of using this CGM.
Then it went downhill. I ate dinner, and my sensor reading immediately dropped. CGM was reading 54, while my BG was at 180. ISIG was 7 something.
I was pissed and just turned off the CGM at that point. Figured maybe it needed overnight to get “wet” as they always say.
Well I had a ■■■■■■■ terrible night. Despite going to bed at 186 and taking a tiny correction that was not even half of what my pump told me to take, I wind up at 42 at 3:30. AT LEAST I WOKE UP. I take 15g of crabs and my stomach explodes and I end up on the toilet for an hour. Hour is up and my BG is 157. I don’t dare correct.
Get up this morning and I’m at 198.
Restart my sensor and ISIG is at 8 despite my high BG. Try and calibrate. Get CAL ERROR.
I’m sorry, but this crap is just plain broken. Broken at the worst time in my diabetic life when I have a grip on nothing. A complete lack of self. A complete lack of confidence in my diabetes. I feel like I’m losing my mind. My BG is constantly higher than normal. Or just bottomed out low even though it was high before and high right after. God. Is my pump malfunctioning too? NO. It’s probably stress? Or something.
I feel like I’m losing my mind and am completely on the verge of breaking down. I don’t know what to do.
I can’t work. But I can’t sit at home either. I keep having this weird feeling about the night I had the seizure. Like I really died that night and am now just floating along in some alternate reality. I keep seeing myself do the things Andy said I did right after my seizure when I couldn’t remember the night before. I do remember the night before now, but I have absolutely no recollection of these moments. EXCEPT for seeing myself, like I’m watching myself walk around the apartment doing the things he said I did. It’s a horrible feeling and I can’t get it out of my head.
I need to call Minimed again today about the sensor. I just don’t think I can stomach it right now. I just want them to replace the damn transmitter. Maybe I would have been better off never getting the CGM. I’m so utterly dependent on it now, I feel lost without it.
Writing here makes me feel a little better, though I feel a little stupid because I’m not very good at being active in the community. But I really appreciate the comments I received on my last few posts–even if I don’t have much to say to respond–they make me feel better.