Identity and the Diabetic

The social aspect of diabetes continues to befuddle me. How do you diplomatically say to this woman, “I’ve told you before that I don’t avoid sugar, I just need to consciously manage it. What do I need to say or do to get you to really listen and hear me?” Maybe that could work in a private conversation but she may take offense even in that setting.

It’s even worse for me when I’m low and don’t command nuance to gently get what I need or further explain my predicament.

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Yup. I was thinking about this in the context of the “identity” question, that what the simple phrase “I’m hungry” means for me is totally different from what it means for someone who isn’t taking insulin. For us it isn’t just some statement of mild discomfort but something tinged with danger. It took years even for my wife to understand that if I say those words it’s a potential emergency not just a casual comment. “Need food NOW. Going to be a PROBLEM!” Ironically it’s having a CGM that has sensitized me to this peculiarity by making me more aware of the times when there isn’t a problem—allowing me to distinguish between “Oh crap, feels like a hypo coming on!” and “Hey, everything’s fine; I’m just hungry.” Being able to experience that sensation as non-D people experience it all the time has made me much more aware of how weirdly skewed my perceptions are after 30+ years on various forms of insulin therapy.

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I don’t see what is so hard for people to understand about the differences and similarities between the types. Lately I notice I have been saying I have diabetes and or I’m on insulin if it comes up, sometimes I say type 1 or explain more if it becomes a conversation.
To medics I say type 1 and I’m surprised how many of them don’t know what that means either, lol. Is diabetes a part of my identity? I guess it is as nearly my every move is determined by it but I would gladly leave it behind forever if possible and go back to my former life or a life without diabetes.

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Today, I once again found myself explaining to a friend that I can, in fact, have sugar as long as I know how much I’m about to consume so I can match my insulin to it. She had brought me coffee as a surprise this morning, with an extra surprise of added sugar. When I asked how much sugar was in it, she became apologetic - though eventually I was able to figure out the carbs and to bolus for them and I and drank the coffee (early morning = coffee is very very good, sugar or no sugar).
Later in the day we talked more because she was interested about diabetes in general and in particular about my pump and CGM.
It was a great conversation for me in light of this thread, and I explained some particulars of my experience of T1; for example: “when I say I’m hungry, it means I need to eat now, not ‘let’s start looking for a place to have a snack’ - I (thankfully) haven’t passed out from a low yet and I don’t want to” and “if I stop taking insulin, I will die EVEN IF I never eat/look at another cookie.” I was also able to explain that it’s more complicated than just “type 1,” “type 2,” etc. I found that I wanted to know more than I do about experiences of diabetes (of all varieties) other than my own both for me and to better inform such conversations.

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I tell people I used to weigh 300 lbs and now I don’t and I don’t want to eat crap since that’s what I did when I weighed 300 lbs. I suppose I’d have to concede that I still eat crap but not nearly as much of it as I used to!

I like to give my friends like this a label that sits behind my default position that people mean well. The label is “STILL.DOESN’T.GET.IT!” From there, I sigh just like you and give some version of the “It’s okay” speech that we all have.

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