I'm Tired and Scared and Overwhelmed

I was diagnosed nearly 12 years ago with type 1 diabetes. There is no history of this in my family. I'm the only one.

Living this life has definitely been a journey. I've stumbled, but picked myself back up countless times. Over the past 12 years, I've been through insulin shock comas (6 times), ketoacidosis (4 times that I can remember), allergies to insulin pump cannulas (causing some of those Dka), insulin resistance to Humalog, Regular, Apidra, scar tissue on my abdomen from the infections, diabulemia, anorexia, cutting, allergies to Lantus (causing some of the insulin shock comas) etc. I just couldn't find my way.

About a year ago, I finally started to get things back together. I brought my A1c down from 10.0 to 8.6, and that was so tiring in itself!

Now, I'm struggling with the insulin resistance. It can take HOURS for my high BG to come down, no matter how much insulin I inject, nothing seems to work. If I do strenuous exercise, my BG goes UP. If I skip ONE meal, my BG goes UP.

Over the past six months, I've split my Levemir dosage and increased it. I've switched from Humalog BACK to Apidra, I've started the Dexcom 7+ and tested the OmniPod.

While being on the OmniPod sounds fantastic, I'm afraid to take out the Levemir because of the resistance to the Apidra. I'm afraid.

Over the past 6 months, I've seen my carb ratios fluxuate almost inhumanely. Every single day is different from the next. I can eat the same meal at the same time every single day, and my BG will still plummet down to 35 or skyrocket to 250 in almost an instant.

If I eat carbs after 3:00 pm, I pay the price with high BG for HOURS regardless of how much carbs I eat- as little as 10g will suddenly raise me from a stable 96 to a stable 250. I CANT GET IT DOWN for HOURS after. No matter how many injections.

This is THREE hours after a LOW CARB meal after 3:00

Or this is another example:

I went through the Gastric Emptying study yesterday. Waiting on the results from my Endo today.

I'm struggling. Bad.

I'm overwhelmed. My Endo doesn't know what to do with me. My family is a great support system, but even their kind words and shoulders to lean on aren't going to help my BG readings.

I want kids. I want to feel good. I want to be better, but I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like the harder I try, the worse it gets?

I'm trying to stay positive, but right now- frankly, I just want to cry.


I know I'm usually the bubbly, chipper, knowledgable, "go-getter" but I just can't get into that mindset right now. And I apologize for that.

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wow sorry Marps you’ve gone threw a whole lot - I wish there was a amgic wand to take the Big D away and there isn’t yet anyway and that’s what we all hold out hope for that a new breakthru will help us. as long as we’re above ground there is hope.

as far as kids go. I got a boy and a girl ages 7 and 4 - both low miles; one owner. make me an offer

haha. Joe_h. Thanks for making me bust out laughing at work.
I’ve got $5 bucks… ??

hang in there marps!! hopefully your endo can find some kind of answer…sending hugs and prayers your way!!!

:wink:
myriah

I know how you feel diabetes is a lot of work and can be overwhelming but keep your head up and take each day as it comes.
Remember your not alone sometimes it might feel like it we are all here for you.
I have cried,I have thought why?How?everything and it never helps.
Just remember you have great shoes.lol

oh, I DO have great shoes! haha. Thanks for making me smile today. I need that so much right now Osob

Thank you for ur support Myriah. It means a lot right now.

Don’t apologize… that’s a rough road! I’m crossing my fingers your endo will soon have answers for you… hang in there <3

sold i’ll have them waiting by the curb

Oh Marps, you have had a rough time of it! If only you could be the ‘textbook’ patient, huh? You know what? This is one of those places where you can vent and don’t have to always be bubbly and chipper - because people here get it :wink: I’ve had the cannula allergies and the like & the resistance (and have just started on metformin to see if that can assist) and know just how frustrating that can be - let alone all the other things you’ve had going on.

Out of curiosity, did you react to the omnipod? Just wondering because it’s a teflon cannula.

Here’s hoping your endo’s a ‘good bloke(ette)’ who can get you some answers (either themselves or from other colleagues) very soon >:D<<

I feel you Marps, I have been through and go through a lot of what you mentioned. One thing I can say is I switched to the Omnipod and nothing changed until I tried it on my arm instead of my abdomen. I really believe that was the reason for my resistance. The scar tissue in my belly just got to be too much. I’ve been on a pump for nearly 20 years now. I think that us diabetics are really challenged because one part of our disease causes depression and mood swings that make it so hard to deal with the rest of the disease. Hang in there, I’ve read a lot of your stuff and you are on the right track. I’ve even found myself inspired by you at times when I needed it. Vent with us, get it out of your system, and then go kick some insulin ■■■!!!

I do have 3, so if you just wanted to borrow one for awhile, we could totally work out a payment plan!!! :)-

you know what the best birth control is? babysitting

i love your shoes, too!! (btw, we need more pics of them!) lol
:wink:

Marps, you kick more ■■■ than Chuck Norris at a donkey show…

Hang in there and don’t lose faith. You’re gonna make it.

So sorry for the way you been feeling. We are listening to ya…hey a .part 2 of Joe’s question…and what kind of carbs? What foods are you eating?

Oh Marps,
I just sent you a message having nothing to do with this… So sorry to hear you are struggling with so much! It’s defeating to feel like this, but hell, it has to get figured out at some point!

Hang in there. Saying that reminds me of the cheesy kitten hanging from a tree posters when I was a kid, but it’s true. :slight_smile:

Marps hang in!!! Just sent you a message :wink:

You have done many adjustments and it really sucks that you have not been rewarded as expected and deserved for your effords. This huge spike for some carbs is just unfair. If this is caused by gastro problems the pump with its extended bolus mode will help. Since you are responding well to Apidra it might be good to pump it as basal too. Even the combination of Levemir and pump might be an option if it works for you.

Have you ever heard of the Symogyi effect? It might help to explain some of your major BG swings.