I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 12. For the most part, I did my best to hide the fact that I had diabetes. I always took my self-care very seriously and was very diligent about testing my blood sugar, taking my insulin shots and eating the right amount of exchanges (before carb counting) but, I never felt comfortable sharing about my diabetes with many people outside a small circle of friends and family. Every summer, my mom would suggest I attend a camp for kids with diabetes, but I completely rejected the idea. All I could think about was how weird it would feel to be surrounded by people doing all the same things that defined my daily life…testing blood sugar, injecting insulin, eating the right amounts of food at the right times, dealing with highs and lows. I have always been more comfortable as a “diabetes loner”. Maybe because I’ve always tried to be perfect and I’m afraid to compare myself to someone who has better control than me. I think I just prefer to think of it as MY disease, something I can handle on my own, something I don’t need help with. I’ve created my own little isolated diabetes world that VERY few people have access to and even those don’t have full access. I guess more than anything I fear judgement. Fear seeing that look of shock on someone’s face if a number over 200 pops up on the glucometer. I fear someone thinking I “can’t handle” the situation if my blood sugar is 30. I’m afraid of anyone thinking that I’m not doing a good job of managing my diabetes. This is my first attempt at opening up my closed-off world of diabetes management. Maybe it will be good for me to have some people in my life who can really understand…can really get how bad it feels when your blood sugar is on a roller coaster, can really identify with the fears of the dreaded diabetes complications, can really give me some support when I don’t feel like ever pricking my finger ever again. I guess I feel like it’s time to open up my diabetes world to some outsiders and see what happens. Want to be my friend?
Welcome, Jessica. Hope you feel at home here.
Well, you are not alone, in being alone. We’re all alone here, but together! Wait, that still doesn’t sound right… meh, I used to be so good with words too, sigh. Welcome to our happy dysfunctional home for the gifted! You bring up some excellent points too, about trying to be perfect and being afraid of being judged. That really rings a bell with a lot of folks here, self included. In other words, nobody will judge you here. I’ve found this site to be one of my best support options ever. I’m more open here than with my doctors! A huge amount of information, support, caring and even just a willing set of ears to listen to you. It’s all here! Again, welcome!
Welcome! I can completely relate! Thanks for sharing! 
You aren’t alone. Many of us spent a lot of time out there as lone wolf diabetics. Welcome aboard. You’re going to like these folks. They are really great, lots of smart folks, and there’s a ton you can pick up from everyone here. It’s also a very nice feeling to realize you’re not alone and that there are folks who get it.
I feel that way sometimes and sometimes I dont care .
Welcome. You have a lot of insight into the psychological parts of our disease. I experienced it in large part, the same way you did. I was diagnosed at age 5. Always tried to be the perfect girl, and it was always a secret. For me , filled with shame. The year was 1960, and anything different was treated that way. Our society has changed so much, that now it is okay to be different. I too, was afraid of being judged if a number was one way or the other. I guess the question for all of us to answer is to ourselves. Do we feel we are doing the best job we can in its management? I never acknowledge the effort it takes to manage or live with diabetes. I just naturally dismiss my best efforts and rest with feeling that I fall short. Maybe the answer is to try to acknowledge that you are absolutely doing the best you can and that life throws us a lot of curve balls that make perfect control impossible. Sorry to get so philosophical. You are in the right place . I totally understand your feelings. And the feeling of feeling like a loner. Management of this disease is so ever changing sometimes by the minute that we are alone in the calibrations, utilization of insulin, figuring out your next bite of food and how that will impact everything, that it is a lone experience. I guess the best part of this web site is that we find out we are not alone. That certainly brings comfort to me. I hope it will to you too.
WELCOME my friend!!! I know all to well where your coming from there. I took Type 1 waaaaay back in 73. I too was such a loner (only my mom and dad really knew what was going on) After I found this site I was sooooo glad there were other’s out there who have been through (or are going through) what I didNo I will NEVER tell you that a 200 looks like you never control your diabetes. Mine goes up and down all the time!!! Some ppl just can get better control than other’s. That’s fine. Good for them. The way I look at it MORE POWER TO THEM. Me? it goes from here to there and I don’t want ANYONE telling me I’m not “taking care” of myself. I try but sometimes things just happen. That’s life.
Jessica ALWAYS remember that!
Oh my God! I can totally relate! It’s as if I wrote this post myself! I was dxd in 1996 in junior high and pretty much was a diabetes loner,too… My mom, being a nurse, told me to go to diabetes summer camp once and I completely flipped out! After that, she never brought diabetes summer camp up! The funny thing is that I went to summer camp for non-diabetic kids quite a few times… I guess I just wanted to feel ‘normal’…Now, I feel I really missed out from not meeting other diabetic kids,cuz it would’ve made feel less alone and not like an alien…
One year ago my whole attitude towards D changed thanks to a diabetic friend (my first one actually). I got onto the pump and learned carb-counting and all. Now I tell people more easily about my D, but still i’m not as open as I would like to be…
Welcome and here’s to a new D-life with lots of D-friends to talk to
I used to be that way, too. Always hiding diabetes and never wanting any help. I cant hide it anymore since I have a diabetic alert dog. Ive kinda realized that help isn’t a bad thing. My friends Alyssa and Chandler always watch when I check my blood sugar. When its too low, one will go get me something sweet and the other will keep an eye on me. And if its too high, they’ll both stay with me til it comes down. And they never complain when high blood sugar makes me incredibly mean to them. In a way, it’s made our relationship stronger. Those girls are pretty awesome friends
Jessica, I can not compare to being diagnosed as a child but when I was first diagnosed I felt it was my disease. I was a loner as well at first. My wife met someone who entered my life shared her diabetes life and then left my life. That acquaintance of my wife’s did alot for me in knowing in knowing I am not alone. I now have TuDiabetes to share and hopefully allow others to know they aren’t alone. If you feel like adding me as a friend I will be here for you as well.
I can't even imagine the strength that it must take to keep your diabetes a secret, and the loneliness it must cause. I have had Type 1 for four years, and I have been a hot mess since I was diagnosed, and I share with everyone about it. Maybe a little too much at times, because so many people don't get it, and then I try to educate them- sometimes it works, sometimes I get frustrated, but whatever, it's how I handle things. The way I see it, if I have to test my sugar 10-12 times a day, pull out my pump multiple times a day, and get all retarded when my sugar is to high or to low, I am sure as hell not going to try to hide it, run to the bathroom everyt ime I test or pull out my pump. (I already have to go to the bathroom enough when I'm having bad days and my Bg is high! LOL!) Screw it- diabetes has screwed up my life considerably and if I have to talk to every random person I meet to be able to get comfortable with it, I'm going to! Not that you should do the same- it's all about comfort level, but I don't think people look at me any differently because of it, and if they do, screw them! Do what you need to do to take care of yourself- and don't worry about people judging you! Come out of your "diabetes closet" and you will find more support than you think is out there- I have friends, colleagues, and family who are so behind me and totally get what I am going through because I don't shut up about it!
I was diagnosed at age 4, have only known 2-3 other diabetics well and none now (at 56). But heck, I could care less about telling people. If I pull out my PDM while eating and they ask I tell them about it until their eyes start to glaze over. It doesn't bother me being different. I have also had cataract surgery so with the pump I just tell them I am a true bionic man, external plastic pancreas and plastic eyes...ah, what a life.