I don’t know really if anything can be done here, I think this might be one of those T1DM things where you just need to talk it out. Anyway…
I’m generally a well controlled T1. I can’t remember my last A1C that was > 5.5 and my most recent (on MDI) was 5.0. But I was curious about the X2 with Control IQ and asked my doc if I could try it out. They were pretty thrilled with the idea saying I wouldn’t have a better A1C but it would be good for “mental freedom” which I get. And therein lies the problem, I half have mental freedom. Once I figured out to stay in sleep mode and have my basal TDD be 30U when I actually only use 19U it was all smooth sailing which compounded the problem further!
My numbers are fantastic, look at the last 48 hours (range is 70-140). You wouldn’t know I eat rice and pasta in there. It’s hard to argue with those results, no? I do still use R insulin for protein (extended bolus does not work well for me with protein). Yet all I can think about is I want off of this damn thing. The “what ifs” come in. What if it were to break, kinked cannulas suck (this isn’t my first pump), water actives are harder (those things you do once a year…), sex, showering, gym". All the what ifs that make up a fraction of your life but now will not leave me alone. Why am I even using a pump if I’m still taking shots? While my standard deviation is fantastic I feel like my mental health is worse than ever.
Does anyone else deal with this? Does it get better?