I wish someone had told me earlier – my diabetes is due to expire in three years, three months and several days. In the whirlwind that ensued after my diagnosis, with seemingly hundreds of visits to doctors and clinics of all varieties, I filled out a form which would grant me exemption from prescription charges due to the fact that I had diabetes that required medication, chiefly in the form of insulin. That wondrous substance, isolated by Drs. Banting, Best, Collip and Macleod and celebrating the 88th year of its first human trial on Tuesday, is not something that I must inject for the remainder of my life!
How so, you ask? Well, what I hadn’t realised was that the charge exemption form was valid for only five years, at which point a new form would be issued asking you to confirm that ‘you still have the condition declared on your original application’. Result! All I need to do is tick the box that says ‘No’ and I will no longer have diabetes!
Of course, I still have diabetes you fools! Unless I have somehow missed the earth-shattering news that a cure has been found for the disease affecting over 300 million people worldwide, which seems a little unlikely, I still have diabetes. Ah well, we can but hope!
My diabetes is due to expire,
I’ve got about three years remaining,
For my friend got a letter that implied she’d get better,
And we all found it most entertaining!
Bureaucracy dictates that our diabetic fates
Lie in answering just one simple question,
‘Since last you applied, please confirm or deny
Can your pancreas cope with glucose ingestion?’
Could it be, all along, that the doctors are wrong,
And diabetes is not a lifetime affliction?
Tick the right box – you’re cured, that’s one diabetic fewer,
And you won’t need those horrid prescriptions!
It’s a ‘no’ then from me – I am diabetes-free!
And I’m off to the pub for some drinking!
And I’ll eat what I like with no fear of a spike!
Dr Banting, what on earth were you thinking?