Thank you so much for everyone’s replies and responses and welcomes! I’m almost overwhelmed. I have spent the last 2 years wandering around feeling like the only one…I know right? I guess that it’s really comforting somehow to know that this happens to all kinds of people; old ones, young ones(even babies), pretty ones and everyone in between and all over the world. When I was diagnosed I really had no idea what the implications were. I thought that if I was really dilligent about treatment that I could somehow make it go away. My mom was a wreck, she blamed herself (something about not breast feeding me). I almost wished that I had type 2 because I thought that it would mean that I could essentially cure myself.
Only recently, the last 6 months or so, have I really understood and absorbed what it means. While I understand that complications can be minimized with strict control those scary complications are always in the back of my mind. Will they eventually happen to me? Will my life be shortened no matter how good I control my sugar?
Already I tire of the constant focus on myself. Bringing supplies everywhere I go, paranoid they will question my supplies at airport security, learning to give up pancakes, and exercise twice as hard to lose any of this weight I have put on…explaining to people the difference between type 1 and type 2, people constantly being reminded that I am different when I have to pull out my meter and check or they see me inject.
What it has come down to for me is this scenario in my mind (bare with me people) that if I were lost/trapped on an island I would not survive for any long period of time. This is a real chronic disease that is potentially fatal. While we may get to live relatively normal lives on the outside, I feel like damged goods. Maybe if I lived with it longer, or developed it as a ahild I’d be over it but I’m just not, not yet at least.
My new gp dr (I have an endocrin dr as well) told me that my a1c of 6.1 was not acceptable and that I needed to get myself under control if I wanted to live. He also reminded me that as a graduating college student I would need to realize that I might have to alter my career plans, bc some employers aren’t too keen on my condition. He went on and on really. It was like a slap in the face and a huge wake up call for me. You are not normal Victoria, plan your life accordingly. Pregnancy would require planning and extra intensive care, the pump becoming part of my sex life, and giving up my career choice as part of the FBI, and closely monitoring my physical activities.
While I realize that this might sound whiney and as if I pity myself, I don’t. I have just gone through the motions since being diagnosed without ever taking the time to reflect upon the situation. And here I am now, becoming a “real” adult and trying to be as normal as possible, and not stand out bc of diabetes and yet at the same I am required to constantly acknowledge it.I feel lucky knowing that things could have been a lot worse and fortunate that I have some degree of control, but it just doesn’t change that I have a disease…a sucky one. And I loved food and now I hate it.
First of all, let me just say a 6.1 A1c is awesome.
I go through what you are going through on an irregular but constant basis, and I’ve had Type 1 more than 14 years now. It does not get easier to deal with the longer you have it. On the contrary, the emotional struggles you and all of us face daily put us at a much higher risk of clinical depression (something I faced a few years ago, which caught me completely off-guard with its intensity and unrelenting assault).
You are not damaged goods. You are surviving with a vicious wound that will not heal and one that was a horribly painful death sentence for humans until just a few decades ago. As you crawl across the battlefield of life with one hand trying to staunch the bleeding and the other to pull you forward, remember that you have strength, patience, and tolerance that most others can’t even begin to fathom. If you can persevere through the darkest times, these qualities will improve and sustain you.
There is no “treatment” for the autoimmune disaster that is Type 1 diabetes. There is only basic life support and mostly crude methods at addressing the most fatal symptoms. Your intuition and awareness of your body will sharpen over time, much like a blind or deaf person learns to work without those senses far better than a sighted or hearing person can. This intuition and awareness will be among your best weapons against diabetes in the long term.
The worst thing you can do is brush it aside. Sadly, many people decide they cannot shoulder this burden. Maybe they just take a couple of shots a day, eat what they want, and deal with the eventually crippling and deadly side effects as they come. They think walking around with a 15% A1c, never testing their blood sugar, never exercising- in essence denying they have this condition, is easier than accepting it and facing it with every ounce of their being.
It will take every ounce of yours and sometimes that won’t even be enough. I don’t have any advice for that other than to say you need to make a decision each day, maybe each hour, whether or not you will do what needs to be done. You will need to learn to live with being human, to live with making mistakes without letting them sap your will.
Good luck! You can make it. And you have a great network of people here to support you. 
I am very happy you joined us Victoria.You will see that every body here is going on with his own life,career,relations,fun and all ,while addressing diabetes on daily basis.
Merry Christmas and best wishes…
I felt the same way when I joined TuD. I think as a diabetic you sometimes have to be selfish - but also that by being “selfish” you are actually helping other people. For example, if you’re “selfish” about eating certain foods or planning your activities, you’re saving your loved ones from the stress of you ending up with complications etc.
I got really upset when I realised I couldn’t go on Survivor (my favourite TV show). Of course, I wasn’t upset about not going on Survivor before I had diabetes though!
P.S. You are normal. You are a normal diabetic.
Glad that you found us Victoria! This is a great place
Hi Victoria, if your doctor feels that an A1C of 6.1% is not acceptable, maybe you should try to find another doctor! I don’t get it why your doctor told you all those horrible stories about not doing what you wish in life! I guess your doc doesn’t get D at all! Who is he to tell you should “settle” for less? D is a part of your life but it is not who you are! If you feel less of a person because of D (and the doctor didn’t help!), your self-esteem will suffer for it and hiring employers will feel that for sure.
If you are open and confident (you are a “complete” person even if you have some cells somewhere that aren’t working and don’t let people tell you otherwise), you can do whatever you want to do. Some t1 people climbed the Mount Everest and that’s a challenge trying to climb and balance your insulin and air pressure… Why wouldn’t you be able to do whatever you want?
Yes D is a pain in the arse ;), yes it’s serious and could be deadly… We are thankful for the life support that allows us to have you in this world…
Wish you all the luck! Take care – Gina
Don’t let that doc knock your 6.1!!! I just got a 6.1 and it’s the lowest I’ve had in over 18 years as a diabetic! Anything below 7 is honestly very hard work and great control. To have a healthy pregnancy, you need to be below 6.5%, just so you know. You’re doing fine, Victoria. You are going through the whole spectrum of “normal” emotions. We have all been through the “I feel like the only one” thing. That’s why I’m so thankful for all my friends here. You are not damaged goods - just your pancreas is! The rest of your body and soul are the same beautiful body and soul you’ve always known.
And sadly, I am among those that agree that it doesn’t get any easier as time goes on. It may become “routine” to the extent that you know how to pack for your day or you know how to deal with that stack of pancakes at IHOP (for me, 3 cakes - about 25-30g per cake - extend that bolus out over a couple hours on the pump - ask for the bottle of sugarfree syrup in the back). But the low you treat today will catch you off guard because you thought you finished that half-eaten cereal bar and the high you deal with Friday night after a party will slap you back on your a** when you thought you covered with enough insulin and you’ll remember that this is hard. It’s a daily aspect of your being. But it’s part of it now. And in the times that you struggle, visit with your friends here, educate your family, don’t go back to that prick GP, and seek counseling with an open and healing heart.
Victoria and Melissa-
Your doctor may want your A1c’s below 6.5 prior to getting pregnanct, BUT I had two extraordinarily healthy and successful pregnancies with A1c’s in the mid 7.0? range. Both kids weighed about 6 1/2 pounds. They are healthy, beautiful, smart, happy kids. Consistency is what’s important.
Victoria-
Don’t let ANY doctor tell you that YOU can’t do something! You can do anything you want. There are diabetics all over the world doing all different jobs!
You’re not alone. : )
So far as I know, about the only thing type 1s can’t do is be commercial airline pilots.
An A1c of 6.1 is pretty damned good. Since 4-6 is apparently the “normal” range, you’re somewhere around 3.5 mg/dl above normal. Somehow, I think you can let that slide.
There’s no way of sugar coating it. Diabetes sucks. It sucks big time. But you can manage it, you can control it, and, if you do that, you minimize the health risks. But! It doesn’t make you less of a person; only less of an insulin producer. If you feel like damaged goods, you’re letting the disease control you and you’re not controlling it. Don’t let diabetes win!
Counseling/medication can help with the emotional impact. I think that’s the part of diabetes that gets shortest shrift.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, discount all the studies out there about complications, shortened life spans, etc. Until relatively recently, you couldn’t really achieve tight control, so as long as you weren’t peeing out glucose and weren’t falling over from hypoglycemia, the doctors figured you were ok. It’s only modern insulins and pumps and glucometers and whatnot that let us achieve that A1c of 6.1 that your GP poo-pooed. (For the record, I also second the getting a new GP.)
Besides, what do doctors know about medicine, anyway?
You’re not alone & we’re all here for you.
Send me that doctor’s address & I’ll go slap him & hard for you. What an insensitive ■■■ to knock down your plans & undermine your confidence! You can do whatever you choose to. Don’t allow this negative person, or any other, into your head. Yea, it’s not easy to dismiss a verdict given by someone in authority, but just blow off what he said. Call & tell him you’re firing him because he’s unsupportive & uninformed.
You are not damaged goods! You can tell your mom that I was a breast fed baby & am Type 1:) No one in my family is diabetic.
Share how you feel about the constant focus on self. I hate this part of D! I think of people I’ve known who had a chronic disease & how it became them. Everything revolved around their condition. How tideous, how self-absorbed. I swore to myself when I was diagnosed that I wouldn’t be one of those people & I struggle with this. Hard when we’ve got something that does require consistent & constant self-monitoring & self-care. I tell myself that I’m a person firt & a person with diabetes second. Diabetes will never leave, but I am the person I was before this. The things it has changed about me have made me stronger in some ways, less strong in other ways.
Vent here all you want. It’s not self-pity or whining.
Don’t fall for the crap in the media about how people with Type 2 can “cure” themselves just by losing weight.
It’s simply not true. Type 2 diabetes is also genetic in origin and while people who have it often get fat, the fat follows the dysfunction, rather than causing it. I have written up the research backing this up HERE
I have quite a few normal weight friends with Type 2 diabetes, some of whom even need insulin. I myself have yet another kind of diabetes that isn’t Type 1 or 2 but has features of both.
The untruth that people with Type 2 cause their disease divides the diabetes community and keeps us from working together to deal with the miserable medical treatment most of us get and the drug and device companies that prey on us.