Ok, some of you know that I have suffered consequences ( I meant to type complications, but consequences came out - hmm....) of my diabetes. I think I am finally beginning to panic.
I've had blood vessels in my eye rupture and ended up with the little "floaters" and "spots" in my eye. Floaters and spots - sounds so cute when in reality, this is BLOOD that is floating around in my line of vision.
Ok, so I had some laser surgery and they went away. A year later, they are back. Had some more laser surgery a couple of days ago. Got up to mail a letter at my job and it's like BAM - I have some nasty stuff in my line of vision now. This time, there is more of it and I can actually see the color of it - a nasty brown/red color. No matter where I look, it's there. My next laser appointment is not until September 7th, but I am wondering now - will I be able to see then??
I am at work and trying to keep it together, but I just want to go home and cry. I keep closing my "bad" eye and my vision returns to normal - opening it is too much reality. I'm diabetic and I have a disease that can kill me and/or make my quality of life really, truly, absolutely, positively SUCK for lack of a more grown-up and anguished word. I'm scared now - feels like my body is turning against me.
I want to holler "I'm only 27" but what will that do? Many more have endured worst diseases at younger ages with more harsh complications - so what if I feel like I'm about to go blind in my left eye?
But, I am not thinking like that - I'm thinking I'm angry and mad - and scared.