I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost. I woke up at 1:20 in the morning feeling sick and queasy. I checked my blood sugar and it was over 300. I am also 12 weeks pregnant. I wrote out my frustrations and fears that ended up being a prayer that I’m going to paste here. I don’t know if God heard me, but if I post it here someone will hear and wish me good health. I think I just want to be heard.
Journal Entry (4/13/18 2:30 am):
“I woke up at 1:30 in the morning feeling queasy. I checked my Dexcom and said my blood sugar was 357! I panicked and checked my blood sugar with my meter and it read 298 and quickly gave myself insulin. My pump gave me 3.5 units. I’m so worry what that high might’ve done to my baby and I’m so worried I’m going to get sick. I don’t want to get sick and I don’t want anything happening to my baby. The last time I rechecked my sugar was at like 2:10 it went down to 212. Now I’m worried my blood sugar is dropping too fast. Lows don’t make me feel good either so now I’m munching on strawberries and pancakes - this is what made me high in the first place because this was the last thing I ate before going to bed.
It’s 3:28 am now and my blood sugar is 123. It’s frrat. But I still feel sick and queasy. I’m an elementary school teacher and I’ve got to be up at 5:30 this morning to get ready for work. I’m exhausted and sick. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day with demanding 6 year olds who need my constant energy and attention. I want to call out but I know that’ll make my principal upset because finding a substitute can be hard. Who’s going to cover my class? I’ve missed work at least once every weak since I’ve found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks because I feel just awful. Im 12 weeks now and I thought I would start to feel better by now, but the morning sickness is still there along with randomly feeling faint and dizzy now.
Dear Lord please help me. I need so much help. I’m having trouble keeping my blood sugars under control. Please help me with my Emetophobia. It’s crippling me that I’m afraid to eat and go out to places even when I absolutely need to leave the house - like to work or get groceries!
Dear Lord please help and guide me. Please help me to not get sick, to enjoy this pregnancy, and to help my get my blood sugars in right control so my baby comes out normal - physically, mentally, and medically. Please, God, help me. I’m desperate. I need help. I need so much help. Please. Help me be happy. Help me be healthy. Help my baby be healthy. I can’t do this on my own.
My husband is wonderfully supportive, but I feel like there are some things he cannot help me with.
Please take pity on me and help me. I need you. I need your wisdom and strength and power to heal what ails me and makes me weak. Please, God, help me. I feel like I’m losing my faith in my strength and abilities to continue on in this pregnancy. I want to have this baby you gifted my husband and I, but I’m having so much trouble keeping my blood sugars under control and keeping my own self healthy.
Please, Lord, help me. Guide me. Please give me strength. Please help me be brave because I’m so weak and scared. Please don’t let me be sick. Please help me get my sugars under control.
I’m so weak and terrified. I don’t know what to do anymore.”