Scared out of my mind. 12/25/08

This is gonna be my truth. I’m going to stop lying to myself and those who love me. I am taking myself away form my kids. As each day goes by and I eat things that are horrible for me that is one more nail in my coffin. No more I’ll start the diet tomorrow. I’ll enjoy this today cause tomorrow I won’t eat it.

I have a addition to food. I am fat and nasty in my eyes. I know my husband would love some hott wife. I want to give him that. He deserves that. God that man is good to me. I just have to let him in. My kids deserve a active mom. I’m always tired. I want to sleep, Man how I want to sleep. That’s all I want to do. Of course I don’t. With my husband is deployed that makes it impossible. Instead I am mean and just plain tired. It’s Christmas day. The kids had a pk day. I yelled allot when I found had torn into some of the presents under the tree and tried to hide it. That set the day up for failure.

I need help and lots of it. I have asked the doctors for help. Nothing.

I checked my sugar today. The first time in months it was 197. Wow Sonya are you ready to die. There is no telling how high it has been.

God I want to make this right. I will do anything you ask. Just let me live to grow old with him.

I’m glad that you are making the decision to take better care of yourself! I hope that this community can be a GREAT support to you!! It has been for me!!

Hello Sonya,
There are a lot of us here who have experienced the same feelings and emotions you are experiencing now. I went through a long period of denial where I let my Diabetes go unchecked. I didn’t want to be responsible. I didn’t want to have to check my blood sugar. I didn’t want to take insulin, but most of all, I didn’t want to die like my mother did. Sonya, you have come to the right place. You can come here and share your feelings. You can come here and get advice froma whole lot of people who have been there before you. You need courage to go forward? We go it. You need strength to do what’s right? We got some of that too. You need forgiveness for yourself? Yeah, we got that too. You see, we are most generally our own worst enemy. So stop listening to those negative voices in your head that tell you your not worth it, because you are! Make this moment in time the first moment of the rest of your life. When I let my sugar go, I was tired and wanted to sleep all the time. I was irratable, and didn’t even like mysefl. When I made up my mind when was enough, I found a Dr. who was interested in helping me and not just getting in my wallet. I started checking my blood sugar like I was supposed to. I stopped eating the Strawberry malts, and the Hot Fudge Sundaes, and the cakes and pies and cookies. I have my treats in moderation now, and I count the carbs. I kept impeccable records and I talked to my Insurance company about my options with the pump. I talked to my Dr. Now I check my BG 6 to 10 times a day. I count my carbs. I eat more protein and veggies. I walk up and down this country road I live on. I throw the baseball with my kids. I have more energy. I don’t sleep all the time, I’m not as irritable. I know it sounds easier than it is, but if your at that cross roads, that in itself should motivate you to do what you need to do. Give yourself a break. Go see your Dr. Find out what your options are. Devise a plan and implement it, and whatever you do, talk to the folks on Tudiabetes, because they are your family now. They will help you, more than you know. Kiss your husband and your kids, and tell them Merry Christmas!

Stay strong and love your family and be thankful that you have them and know that this disease is tough on everyone. More importantly know the GOD loves you and will be there for you and your family.

Knowing you are not alone is half the battle it seems. I joined yesterday and after reading all of these comments… It’s not just me. Bobby, Your post has inspired me to get a grip on things. Thank you and God bless all of you.

I saw your pictures of your kids, and those sweet, loving eyes. beautiful!


It helps to understand that there are physiological processes going on that are making you eat. It is NOT a moral failure.

High blood sugar causes ravenous hunger that can make us crazy. When my blood sugar went out of control in my late 40s I went from a perfectly normal person who had never had any food issues to someone who was eating everything in sight to where my family were just staring at me.

When I cut the carbs cold turkey in about 2 days the hunger stopped and for the first time in about a year I felt normal. But I will never forget how food was ruling my life when my blood sugar was zipping into the middle 200s after every meal.

This is a tough week for dieting, but by the beginning of January everyone is cutting back on food and that helps. Do yourself a favor and try one of the very low carb diets for 2 weeks. The first 2 days may be VERY hard, then you should suddenly feel freed of the compulsive need to eat.

The “Protein Power” diet is the healthiest I know for this purpose. Lots of veggies and berries, some meat, nuts and cheese. Eat as much as you want. You aren’t trying to lose weight right now, just control the blood sugars.

I wrote something up a few years ago that explains the physiological things that go on when people eat a lot of carbs, perhaps it might help you too.

Here’s a page with some ideas of things to eat that are very low in carbs but satisfy hunger:

What can you eat when you are cutting the carbs.

Hi Sonya. I to lie to myself. I’m on the pump and my sugars are much better than what they use to be. BUT I have taken advantage of this technology and my sugars are starting to creep back up. I don’t want this to happen. The idea of dying of complications from diabetes is not how I want to loose my life so, I have challenged myself to do better this year. I have an appointment with my Nurse Practioner and my weight will be better and my sugars will be better. I guess what I’m trying to say is Sonya you can do it and so can I. Good luck to both of us. Merry Christmas and have a “WONDERFUL” NEW YEAR

To quote Dr Phil, “monsters grow in the dark”. I find that I often think things are scarier or worse than they are, and when I finally talk myself into tackling them they are not nearly as bad. I think diabetes can be like that too. Congratulations on taking the first steps by joining up and posting here! You can do it.

One of the things I learnt quickly with D is that eating properly reinforced itself. When I ate well, I felt better. When I pigged out, I felt like hell - moody, sleepy, tired, and emotional all the time. Because of this, I would far rather eat well. Once you’ve tried it and seen the difference, it’s easier to think twice before reaching for those chocolates or potato chips.

P.S. I made my mom hide the Christmas snacks, and took all the chips to my aunt’s house so I wouldn’t eat them all. It really works well. I don’t miss what I don’t see!

Sonya… this is like the best place for my depression… I try to log on like once a day now… What also helps me, which I need to start again is a food/emotional diary… I used to write down every thing I ate, like everything, including serving size, with the nutritional facts… Also I would include the emotional feelings I had, like if I was starving or craving something in particular and what I felt like after… it’s a fun way to count calories (I lost like 11 lbs really quickly). what’s cool too is you can see where your pitfalls are, like times of the day or emotional states (mine happen to be after work in the late afternoon when I’m exhausted… the kitchen seems to call for me)… Then I got into the habit of okay, I’m striving for less than ____ amount of calories today!

Also some personal goals helped me. Like I really want a blow pop or bag of salt and vinegar chips or whatever my craving is… then I must go outside and walk at least 30 minutes. If I really want that food, then I’d go on my walk or whatever obstacle was stopping me from having it… then I’d come back home and have it… sometimes it’d be worth it, sometimes it wouldn’t. Like I just walked for 30 minutes when I didn’t want to for this 5 minutes pleasure?! Or I would be like, “Omg… I don’t want to jump rope for 10 minutes…” then I would say, “no, lollipop, then” I know it sounds stupid… kind of like you’re treating yourself like a kid but it does help… it is a lot of self control, but maybe you could just try it. who knows it could become a (good) habit. Sonya, you are a beautiful woman. Don’t get down on yourself… it makes it harder to make it through. We all have set backs… keep pushing through. Also know that we are all here for you and struggling too at times. I just had a really high reading a couple of days ago… 297 :confused: and I had done everything right. It’s very frustrating. I’ve started something with myself: if I get a reading above 180 - I’ll go do something active… like walk up and down my apartment stairs a certain number of times or jump rope for 15 minutes or do 100 squats or take my dog out for another walk (she loves her walks!) or I’ll walk down to our little plaza and go look around at barnes and noble… Anyways, I’m here for you!