Stay out of my food life

I am not a witch. I am a normal woman who loves her family and friends. But I like my privacy. When I ignore a person’s comments, I don’t expect to be badgered about it.

My “gastric-by-pass” friend has had a transplant to go with her by pass. Now she knows what is good for me, and that I should do this almost starving diet that her doc put her on before her surgery. She calls it “Atkins cut”. She could eat 4 ounces of protein at any given meal, cheese, water, and green vegetables that was it. Fish or chicken were the only meats allowed. Yes, she lost 10 lbs…she probably lost more because her doctor relented had did her bypass laproscopically. I have thrilled that things turned out well for her, and I do mean that.

But that doesn’t give her the right nor permission to tell me what I should do. I eat a very well rounded, well balanced low carb menu. Yes, my weight loss is slower, and my sugars are now again controlled. So I am a happy camper. Except for my “all knowing” friends.

I pray God gives me the strength to love them, cause they are getting on my nerves real quick!

Cathy, I know exactly what you mean (: I know they think that they are helping me…but it turns out to be just plain annoying!

It’s hard when a friend thinks they are right. Your friend has / may have many hard times ahead IMO. A bypass causes malabsorption among other things. Apparently it’s not easy.
You are going the route of slow and steady. Good for you, Keep it up :slight_smile:

I’m really sorry you’re getting so much crap. Sometimes people forget we’re all different, and we don’t need someone preaching down to us their chosen path. Rest assured that, though she is losing weight quicker, this is by far not a healthy alternative for weight loss, and a very dangerous one at that – it is merely a last resort to save lives, and should be treated as that… Not as a viable choice for everyone.

Oh I can understand I how you feel Cathy… it can be both annoying and frustrating. I have a friend who is exactly the same. Try to gather up more strength and patience… Maybe try encouraging talking about something else other than food?

So, have you seen the Diabetes Police video? (click here) I suggest you take 6 minutes of your time and laugh with it. You will totally relate! You will laugh about Gloomy Glenda or Debbie Downer, whatever nickname you choose to give this gal. This video has helped me respond to others without getting so frustrated with them.

I totally agree with Lizmari, we are all different.
I work with someone who had gastric bypass, and the diet she was on was only supposed to be undertaken while under medical supervision, because there is such little food that potential malnourishment needs to be monitored. You could just tell her that you appreciate her concern, but everyone has different circumstances and needs, and you and your doctor have worked on a plan that works best for your situation. Don’t say this, but gastric bypass is for those who are too weak to do what you are doing. That is what my coworker said. She didn’t have the strength to do it. I admire anyone who loses weight the proper way. She may not appreciate your hard work, but I admire you more than her.

Tell her with a sweet smile: " I am so glad that you find my food choices SO Interesting. I am doing what works well for me, just lilke you are doing what works well for you. It is just so WONDERFUL that you care SO MUCH about what I am eating. Now let’s talk about something else." Say it again exactly, slowly and sweetly. like you are talking to a 4-year old. On the third repeat, she WILL get the message.MAKE SURE YOU SMILE AND LOOK HER IN THE FACE. It actually will work whether alone with her or with other people. It probably sounds a little mean, but the “shame” factor generally works to silence the Food Police:With sweet sarcasm.

God Bless,
Brunetta

Thank you x 10 ----- it has been very, very hard to deal with her, cause SHE’S always right, and of course, I am ALWAYS wrong. But after watching the Diabetes Police, a number of time, cause I couldn’t quit thinking of people I know…I put on my big girl pants, and my sweetest voice, and decided, I can’t allow her to control what has taken 10 years to create, my diabetes plan…as disjointed as it is now with the loss of my CNP, it is still a good, no great plan…and she can do her own thing. I haven’t said, I thought she was weak or not in control, but hey that’s her business. I stay out of hers and stick to mine, I don’t have time to police someone else’ life. Amen, Alleluia…thanks again, x 10.

"Don’t say this, but gastric bypass is for those who are too weak to do what you are doing. "

I can’t believe you said that.

I dont’ believe you said it either, but it’s my thought.

I had people telling me oh you’ve lost too much weight you look so thin blah blah blah. And I took it to heart and ate my weight up about 5 lbs more than I wanted. So now I’m listening to me. And I wasn’t thin, I just lost a lot of weight due to that favorite diet “DKA”

This is always a strain on relationships Kathy when this occurs with someone you are close to.

The other person is making a major life style change and views the world through that life style change. They get sorta of a sudo religion on how they eat and that everyone else has to eat that way too. To me they are trying to reinforce their beliefs because they have their own doubts but want you to believe in it so they feel validated.

This occurs in other groups too. The Alcoholic or Compulsive Gamber that “work the program” but really have not addressed the underlying issues for their problems.

Other posts have given good advice. Hang in there. She will probably ease up after while.

Well, we tend to be so PC sometimes, wanting to coddle everything… It is what it is. I know someone who used to work with me, who has had 3 bypasses, and has regained weight back every single time. :confused:

Most of the issues related to an inability to lose weight have to deal with our own mental state, and how we relate to food – and this is why diets don’t work for these kinds of people. Gastric bypass is only supposed to be a ‘life saving procedure’ as a last resort… but nowadays, more and more people use it in place of a diet! It doesn’t change our psychology as to why our eating habits were the way they were in the first place, and the short little courses they offer before the operation are simply NOT enough to deal with a life time of these issues… Now you have a person who has an unchanged psyche, AND horribly restricted dietary guidelines, which can cause many horrible complications, and is a disaster recipe for binging.

This is what happens in most situations... The whole not learning to eat right, coupled by going to all these fad centers for 'weight loss' (Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, etc), create this continuous vacuum of yo-yo dieting, and thinking we can't control our own bodies... And makes people more susceptible to give up on themselves, and yes, go for these dangerous operations... Some are indeed weak willed, and some are just plain uninformed and just have been pushed around by all these crazy programs, and even some nutritionists and dieticians that put people on crazy all vegetable/fruit and high carb diets... People can learn to eat the things they love -- naughty or not -- without gaining weight... But God forbid any of these people in the industry told anyone that. :/

I guess I could have omited “Don’t say this”? I just meant that belitting what someone is doing is not positive, and then she will have to deal with a B#$%^.

The rest of what I said comes from my coworker who said she was too weak to lose weight properly.

We’ll see. I got a dog from her about two years ago, and she is still telling me how to raise the dog, even though he remembers her not.

But it’s her thing, that’s the way she could lose the weight. Better to have her around than dead of a heart attack or something. But as I said, even though I don’t agree with the method, and think more of her abilities than she does, I NEVER pointed out to her that if she stuck with it, changed docs, etc that she would be better off. I believe that we make the healthiest choices possible for us at all times, in all situations…for us…not for the person next to us.

I made a decision when I turned 50, that I weighed too much and needed to lose weight. This was 6 years before I found out I was diabetic. It took me 10 years to meet my goal. I am now right in the middle of normal. I have had so many people tell me I am starving myself, even though I eat about 1800 calories a day. On another diabetes blog, someone suggested I must have an eating disorder because I eat low carb and she didn’t. Weight loss is a very individual thing. Different things work for each one of us. As long as we are doing it healthy and have some balance of protein and vegetables, it’s no one elses business. I lost 75+ pounds but it took me 10 years. Lots of plateaus and falling off the wagon. Do your own thing and just forget your so called friends’s advice. It is your body.

Jeannie, you made m y day, thank you. Congrats on your loss…slow and steady wins the race and you are proof of that!

Here is my take on this, anytime someone likes to comment on my eating habbits I welcomed them and challenge them to come out on a simple 15 to 20 mile bike ride with me. when they can finish ahead of me i will take their suggestions to improve my eating habits. So my suggestion pick something that you are really good at and throw that back on their face. I tend to be real sarcastic with people, specially my friends. So i pick out there weakness and throw it back on them and they tend to leave me be.

So, why don’t you tell her all of this? Sounds like something she needs to hear. You don’t need to pray for any kind of strength; just deal with the issue. Passive-aggression has never solved any problem between two people.