It's been a very, very long time since I've been on this site. I was diagnosed with Type 1 in the spring of 2010. Almost 4 years later, at the age of 46, going through the all the things that aging women go through, I have some perspective now on this condition.
- Although treatment continues to improve and studies are funded, it is still not very well understood.
- This lack of understanding makes your health an ongoing experiment.
- Tangled with things like aging, and what is astoundingly termed in the medical community as an "emerging field" - i.e. women's health, lack of understanding about how you feel, how DIFFERENT you feel from before diagnosis, increases exponentially.
- The law classifies you as having a disability because this is a serious and chronic condition. When you have to provide evidence that you can no longer zip around as you used to at work (the part where you have to face that you are both aging AND diabetic AND a woman AND your life IS impacted by the state of your health, PERIOD), and you need to slow down, some doctors for some reason think they can help you back to what you were before so they don't have to characterize you as someone who actually has NO HOPE of being cured at the current time. And therefore must modify your life to adjust accordingly so that your situation doesn't deteriorate as rapidly as it might otherwise, given that what you used to carry on your shoulders now feels impossible to move forward, backward, left or right.
- In sum, the fact that I have to constantly explain to people and justify that I am not normal anymore, that I will NEVER be normal under these conditions, that it's a BURDEN to try to aspire to a state of health that I cannot possibly achieve... this has become so incredibly depressing and wearying. There are times, truly, that I feel too tired to fight. But I have children, and that gives me a reason to keep going, no matter how stressful it is to tell people that you ARE sick even though you look good to them (because you make an effort to fit in and cheer yourself up by looking as good as you can).
Really, really tired.