I’m trying to take a deep breath here through the hiccups and tears. I found this site through a search this morning, signed up, and checked my email later to find all of these welcoming, caring, interested comments. I am as amazed by the gestures here, as I was last night devastated to realize my worst suspicions. That like my father and many on his side, I was suffering from diabetes. Suffering from? stricken by? I can’t think of a good word to put in that sentence. My mom had given me an old meter of my dads and encouraged me to check my levels. I put in in a cupboard and stayed in denial for months, despite some symptoms I knew belonged in the diabetes realm. I checked it yesterday with a visiting cousin, and it was 410. Called the after hour nurse who said, I needed to go to the ER. 6 units of insulin later my numbers went up. 6 more units later, lots of blood work, I left at 2am, came home and fell into bed exhausted, waking up at 9:15 am to a fasting of 267. That seemed to be when the real emotional swoosh kicked in. I pick up a prescription today and will take it orally with dinner tonight, and will see the dr in the coming days. I am terrified. Despite it being a part of my families lives for as long as I can remember, I am lost, in some sort of strange shock. Can’t stop crying. Is this normal? I was ok in the ER last night. I felt matter of fact, knew it would probably come someday. I’m 40. I can’t say it’s the best year of my life at this moment. I am not eating because I feel like everything I’d consume at ALL will send the number soaring. Obviously not everything is rational at this very second. I feel as if I’m on a spinning carnival ride today and it won’t stop, I can’t think. Just spinning and spinning. And the crying.
Welcome to our group, Marcia. I’m so sorry that you are having such a hard time, and yes, we have all been there, and yes, it’s normal. Dealing with a such a life altering event can be akin to dealing with the loss of a loved one. So yes, we go through the stages of grief and denial. I want you to know that we are all here for you. Please, try to be kind to yourself, and do not beat yourself up. When you have a moment, you can look through many of the threads in here, and various links full of information. For now, try to relax, and do some meditation or breathing exercises, and enjoy some simple lean meats, and vegetables, and eggs for breakfast, in the next few days… avoiding foods high in carbs, and you will end up feeling a lot better. I guarantee you. There’s also a good site full of information for beginners, at Blood Sugar 101 (http://www.phlaunt.com/diabetes/index.php). Many of us got there, and found this place through them. We are all in this fight together… We are here for you. HUGS
Marcia,
My heart goes out to you. Its an awful thing to face a major overhaul in your life. Crying is a safety valve to keep your heart from breaking, so go ahead and cry. Its tough and anyone who says otherwise is just blowing smoke.
If you parents or older relatives had diabetes, remember that today we have tools and access to information that they never had, and as such, things will go a bit easier for you, once you get your arms around things, and bring your numbers into something manageable. There is help here, and in countless other places, and more information that you will be able to digest, so try not to fear the future.
Diabetes in the year 2010 is not the deadly disease it was, even in the 90’s. You will win this battle, and get control, which will allow you to live a normal life, and enjoy all the good things there are to partake of in this world. Going to the doctor will get you lots of help, meds will help your numbers, and once you find your “rhythm” you will be okay.
Just remember one thing. You won’t get your numbers back to perfect levels in a week, and that is okay. You won’t have major complications in a week either 
It does take time.
Listen to the doctors, and read what you can in places like this. Learn what to eat by testing, testing, testing, and when you get your diet under control, things will improve greatly.
Baby steps. The longest voyage begins with a first step. You can eat an elephant if you take it one bite at a time (don’t know how many carbs in a serving of elephant ) and all those other trite phrases apply, and they are real. Give yourself time, and credit, and find the strength to make changes one at a time, and DO NOT allow yourself to become overwhelmed at what lies ahead.
Cry. Its good for the soul, but then stand up and declare that you will not let this disease defeat you. We have all been where you are, to some degree or another, and will be here for you when you need help, a place to vent, or suggestions as to how to proceed. Take advantage.
Until you see the doctor, be very careful of what you eat, but don’t starve yourself as that will make things worse. Do a quick search for low carb foods, and keep away from high starch, and sugar infested meals.
Never give up, never surrender!
John
Glad you found us. Welcome!
Cry all you want & all you need to. It is devastating, overwhelming & scary. You need to cry it out. Being sad, frigthened & angry is normal. We know how you feel. Except for those diagnosed very young (their parents cried for them), everyone else has been down the road you’re traveling & we’re still traveling on it. You’re not alone.
We’re not responsible for having diabetes, but are responsible for taking care & managing it. All you can do is look forward.
When you go to your doctor, please insist that a C-peptide test (measures how much insulin you’re producing) & GAD antibody test (measures if your pancreas is under autoimmune attack) be done. Far too often, doctors make a diagnosis based on age &/or weight & assume Type 2. Without the correct diagnosis, you won’t get the appropriate treatment.
Keep us posted.
Crying is normal… accepting that you have diabetes (a chronic condition) is not easy. So cry as long as you need to.
Be mindful of one thing: stress will cause your blood sugars to rise, so the more you can control stressors, the better off it will be for your glucose levels. But one thing at a time. There’s a lot you probably feel you need to learn and absorb.
I know it feels like the end, it feels like something you can’t get your arms around yet. But it’s really a new beginning. Believe me: in time you will be able to LIVE with this disease. Millions more do it and you can do it too: not only that… You will be able to live a MORE healthy life with diabetes than perhaps you can imagine. It is possible.
We are here with you, to hear you and so you can share and ask anything you need. I also recommend you pick up an excellent book titled The First Year: Type 2 Diabetes. It will teach you SO much and help put to rest lots of questions you may now have.
The other best advice I can give you is best expressed by The Optimist Hamster:
http://www.tudiabetes.org/photo/the-optimist-hamster-says-1
BIG HUG!!
Oh, my dear M. Kay…I wish I were there to give you lots of hugs, lots of support and lots of TLC. This is NOT a sentence of prison, trust me. I felt the same way when I got my diagnosis 10 years ago. Life was over, I might as well pack it in. But my friend, it’s not over. It’s beginning a new way of life. Some of the things that will happen will be confusing, some weird, some not understandable, some just plain wonderful. But I guarantee if you follow your plan YOU will be healthier for it. Diabetes is not a “suffering from” nor a “strickened with”…it is a malworking pancreas that can be dealt with. Think of all the other things you could have that are much more horrible, and this will look like no big deal, when you get the hang of it. We are all in denial at some point, we all fall off the wagon at some point, we all cry, we all sing in joy…but we aren’t dying, we are living.
This is truly a wonderful, supportive, loving , caring place. We are a big family…we have our spats, but we are in this together, just alike a big family with those who are up one day, and those who are not. Please, keep your docs appointment, then get to a nutritionist or dietician for a consult about eating and meds. Then start researching for you. Your doc can’t know everything about you like you can. Ask questions, ask more questions, and if the answers don’t make sense, then ask someone else. My friend, if you are 40 — you 've got a long life and a lot of living to do…don’t let diabetes stand in the way of your happiness. Make it a partner in your life, and believe that you are not the diabetes. Patty Labelle says she has diabetes, it doesn’t have her. Think about that…she is NOT controlled by her diabetes, she controls it. You can to. Now go and eat something that is either a vegetable or protein, and relax…we will help you walk through this…I promise.
My son was diagnosed three years ago. I remember not remembering the last time I had cried before then and how I cried day after day after day. I couldn’t look at a picture of him without breaking down - and there are many in my house - because that seemed to be the boy “before”; a life before this devastation.
There is no doubt that there is a lot to learn and understand and to say that it is overwhelming is an understatement. I hope you can find comfort that there are more than 12,000 people here alone at TuDiabetes that can relate to what you are going through and are here to help you.
One step and one day at a time and you will be “living”, and living fully, with diabetes.
Lorraine
I remember crying.
I remember not being able to eat for two weeks I was that scared. Boy do I remember that!
I remember being angry.
I remember calling my mom and telling her by saying “I guess I’m my father’s daughter”. She knew what I meant.
I remember.
I hope this group helps you! I didn’t have anything like it and there is amazing support here.
I hope you find its your first day – it is so not the last day.
I hope you find a doctor you trust and can work with, they are out there!
I hope you know that you will level out and be a success. It will happen! Be patient with yourself.
I hope you will have faith in yourself. People are so remarkable and rise to the occasion. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.
I hope you find out all the information you can because that is the best way to battle being scared/fear.
Good Luck! We’ve all been there and that carnival ride sounds really familiar. Be positive, take a deep breathe and welcome to a new life.
I read your post before going off for my afternoon walk, and as I was walking, thinking about what I could say to ease the pain. Of course, my first thought was to find “The Optimistic Hamster” and send it to you, but I see Manny has already done that! I love him - (and the hamster, too). I remember the “spinning carnival ride” too, and it was over 42 years ago I was diagnosed with type 1. Fast forward some 40 years, and I stumble on TuDiabetes when I felt desperately in need of support from those who live with diabetes, and understand what it means. It’s been a life-saver for me to be here, and absolutely a “family”. You are part of this family now too, and consider yourself hugged! All the wonderful members who’ve responded here to you have given excellent advice. Please tell us what the doctor says when you go this week. I’ll be thinking of you!
hi M Kay-
What you are going through at this very moment are just normal, i know youre scared, of what lies ahead, especially if we dont know what to do and how to go through life with Diabetes. I’ts really hard, im telling you, very challenging i may add… but look on the other side, we can control Diabetes, its not the end of the world afterall… Ive been diagnosed when i was 9 years old, been on insulin since then, now its been 22 some years i guess… i stopped counting… 
anyways, my only advice is that be consistent with your medications. eat healthy and be active…
Welcome to the community…! glad you found us…!!
we are all here for you…
Take care…
Sorry you have to join the team. As many have said, it will be overwhelming at times and will downright ■■■■ you off. But, it will get better…way better then you probably have felt in a long time.
For me, learning like a dry sponge keeps me going. After 40 years, I still drop some tears once and awhile and bang on something hard to get it out, bathroom counter works best. But, because I understand what is happening, most it the time, I know I can get through it.
This sites has helped is so many ways. JDRF, ADA and local groups have all been helpful through the journey. Still, the most satisfying has been talking with other Ds and volunteering, next to patting my self on the back for a good day.
When I got my diagnosis I thought I had been hit by a MAC truck.
You will go through all the normal grieving stages, denial, anger, shame, blame, and eventually acceptance. This is going to take some time. Its easier said than done your heart says one thing and your head says another, We have all been there.
You will be searching for answers and searching for support. We are here to help you so pound on that keyboard with whats going on. What questions do you have, what support is available and so on. We have members all over the world who will be with you on this journey.
Hang in there, we are all pulling for you.
Do you know how wonderful you all are? You are all so wonderful that my tears changed from frightened to thankful as I read the comments, and for a brief moment, I almost felt grateful for diabetes, because I was given a chance to meet the people here and how could that have happened without a scary, middle of the night diagnosis? I am imagining this place now, as a hand to hold while finding my way, hopping from stone to stone across the river of diabetes. I am going to hold onto you all so much, I promise. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
HI M Kay, You will find that as you learn your new way of living things will get much easier. It is overwhelming and downright scary at first. It is good that you are searching out others for support, you are not alone, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Ask questions, we all have them and you may be helping others just by asking, some will be too shy to ask and you may ask the question that they need answered. You will find that there are a number of ideas on how to work with your diabetes, and I say “your” as each of us will react differently and you will need to learn just how you react. Don’t get angry with yourself, it isn’t your fault, and don’t beat up on your self if your numbers don’t magically fall in place in a week your body will be adjusting as your medications start working and your diet changes, if you are on Janumet and Actos it can take a couple of months before you stop jumping all over the place. When I was informed I just went kind of numb for a day or so, then I started learning what i had to to do, and started doing it.
Definitley the first day of the rest of your life. Life can be the same, with some modifications of course. You do not have to deprive yourself of your favoirte foods, just enjoy them in moderation, and with some added exercise after indulging.
I also cried. A lot.
I also was in major denial the first week or so. I was definitely pissed off.
It was a major learning experience for me. I am still learning things every day, thanks to D networking sites, such as TuDiabetes. I was especially nervous in the beginning about taking insulin, and worrying that I was going to kill myself with it. I received lots of support from the D online communities. I am still here!
Hang in there. We are all here for you!
Oh dear M. Kay. How I wish I could reach out to you and give you a great big hug and lots of tissue. Don’t feel ashamed of the way you are reacting, whether we all say it’s normal or not. You are YOU and you can’t change the way YOU react to life’s stressful situations. So go ahead … cry me a river. Only, don’t you find that when you’re done, you are the proud possesser of a size 40 stuffy head? I’ve cried so much in the last year alone (and I’ve had “the D” for somewhere upwards of 20+ years) that I could be classified as a prolific natural producer of snot!~! LOL
When, and only when, you have made it through some of the other stages, I would invite you to look at my site. STOP!! Don’t do it now … you’ll only cry harder. But you will be able to see some of the things I’ve been through and how the people on this site have helped me or were just there for me. Take the advice of the elephant eater and take off one chunk after another. Soon you may be surprised to find that it was a baby elephant and not the senior bull elephant it started out to be!! LOL
Get some good rest tonight and don’t try to learn everything at once. Your mind can only absorb soooo much and then it turns to much mush!!
Lovingly,
Lois La Rose
Milwaukee, WI
When I was dx I kept wondering who it was I had pissed off. I’ve been dealing with heart disease for 13 yrs now I have to deal with being a type 2 diabetic. But sites like this one has helped me to realize its not anyones fault its not yours,mine or any of the other members. Life happens we may not like what happens while we live it. Thats why sites like this one is so helpful to get us pass the rough spots and hard times. It will all work out.
Sweetie,
You have found the right place at this time in your life. We all understand what you are going through.
Breathe, and take one step at a time. Baby steps. When you are frightened, mad, confused…just reach out and we will hold your hand and soothe your heart. Just know that you are not alone, ever. XO Robyn
M, have a good cry. It’s a lot to take in - knowing that there’s something wrong with our bodies and having a name for it now. But we are here to help you take the baby steps toward your future.
I found this site two years ago after 18 years of living (alone) with diabetes and it changed my life. I have such amazing friends here and have had great experiences meeting these friends in person when I’ve been able to. I came here when my diabetes was too out of control to get pregnant and I was depressed about it. Now my baby is due in three weeks and I have this community to thank in so many ways for my great health and great attitude.
Vent, celebrate, question, share what works for you. This is your community, too, now.
You got it kiddo …hang in and a hug from actually NOT cold Canada .