I feel the same as you do about not sharing. I consider it nearly impossible for a non-diabetic to really understand the mental wear and tear of this relentless disease. My wife is not diabetic and thus I don’t share much because I can’t (and don’t) expect her to understand It’s enough to know she sympathizes. Ignorance is bliss and I sure was blissful before my dx!
Danny,
When I met up with our fellow D-friends from the other website we are on, I did not even like sharing my bloodsugar readings with them.
When I test my bloodsugar at work I do not like the beeping sound of my meter, but when I shut it off I miss the beep it gives me that I have supplied enough blood for the test, so I put it back on, I don’t want anyone to ever use my D against me.
I also don’t like the beeping pump, but I truly need that for the two hour test.
I have been married 27 years and Bob has never tested my bloodsugar, and I have never shown him how to change my pump sites.
When I was on Lantus twice a day I did show him that, as I was doing 7-8 shots a day and I never got use to shots.
Love the “Mrs. Hypoglycemic McCrankypants” - I may have to use that one.
I never thought about it which means that there is no problem. In general I don’t like unsolicited advice or help. My wife accommodates my special needs without creating the impression that there is anything special about it. Life is just a little bit different for us. I do what needs to be done and otherwise foster my denial about being a diabetic. If my wife decided that my diabetes was her new hobby then I would definitely fight back. I don’t enjoy being a home improvement project of any kind. I am proud that I can manage without assistance from anybody. I know that my wife is watching my back which I appreciate. It is nice to know that I have a safety net. It would be even nicer if I never needed it.
An interesting topic - I was diagnosed type 1 in my thirties, having already been married almost 10 years, together even longer. The diagnoses came at what at the time was probably the low point of our entire relationship - at the time I felt very apart from my wife, and felt like the diabetes was mine alone to manage (which it still is). I do share information and concerns I have when I feel like it, (like saying - damn, why do I keep getting high at night?? Amongst other things) - but my questions if spoken to her are always hypothetical. I am both glad shd gives me the space, and resentful that she is not more interested in really learning on her own - some of my neighbors are more knowledgeable and interested in diabetes it sometimes seems - but if she did show that interest I might push back regardless!
It is an interesting question - I think unless you are the one with diAbetes, it really Is extremely difficult to understand. In our relationship, however, I see managing the diabetes as much easier for mr to take on and less complicating to the relationship (in our case, at least), then my wife’s depression. Choose your poison…
John, I do appreciatte your thoughts above.
I think because you were diagnosed very young your attitude about sharing your disease is totally understandable. I was diagnosed last year (T1) at the age of 46. At first, for several months, I was ashamed of my disease. However, at home it was all I could talk about. Now…more than a year later I find I can’t shut up about it. I tell anyone who listens. I guess in a weird way I am proud of how I manage to live somewhat the same life I had before the diabetes but now with this major complication.It took my husband some time to come on board but I feel he is part of my disease. I am eager for his input, opinion and shoulder to cry on. That being said…I will always determine ultimately what is best for me…regardless of what anyone thinks.
It is yours, but you should consider sharing it. Like, you probably mow the lawn, but she still gets to walk all over it. Just kidding.
I was diagnosed about 25 years before I met my current boyfriend. One of the first things he did was go to the ADA website and see what books people recommended and he bought me a bunch of books on Amazon. He said that once I read a book, he would read the book. So, we have both read Think Like a Pancreas and Using Insulin. Then he bought me an Eatsmart scale and he measures my food for me when he cooks and makes me little receipts showing amounts of carbs, and protein. I struggled with the same question.
I decided that if I was going to marry this guy, eventually, I would have to let him stick his nose in every once and a while, because if I don’t take care of myself, it would be his problem, too. Diabetes is pretty scary for a lot of people, and I find that more information will sometimes ease concerns. You know women, we overthink everything and worry way too much, sometimes. I realized if I got married, it would no longer be my disease, it would be our disease. He knows my carb ratios for dinner, and sometimes makes recommendations for dosing. He isn’t as good as me, but he tries to guess. I consider his input, and sometimes tell him that I am going to do something else, because I am ultimately responsible.
I guess I am not married yet, so I haven’t fully committed to sharing my Diabetes, at least not long term. = )
Interesting and important question, and I’m not sure I’ve figured it out for myself either. I was diagnosed several years into my first marriage. My ex, although concerned, never took the time to figure it out. He didn’t ask questions, other than to ask if I was ok if I was low. Of course, he’d help out then, but I think I frustrated him because I just didn’t deal with diabetes as I should.
In my current relationship, it’s very different, although I did tend to keep everything close, and not share. As I’ve opened up, I’ve discovered that he’s tremendously supportive, and not judgmental. I had made assumptions that were not fair, and as we’ve worked out the question of ‘how can I help’ together, things are easier. The one big difference in our approach is that by hiding whatever is going on, we isolate and insulate ourselves - to protect ourselves perhaps. I see people in these forums speak of how isolating this disease is, and I even as I type this, I’m sure much of it is self inflicted. If we let our people in, in ways that are comfortable for us (it might take some getting used to admittedly), I think it is a big step to break out and find support that we never expected.
I had the same problem with my husband until I relized I needed him to help sometimes so he needed to be in the loop he is not to prying in terms of sugars but if we have a huge dinner out and my sugar acts weird after we talk about it. he lets me talk about it when I need to and leaves it at that and now with my CGM I love to use the back of my arm so he inserts it for me he feels helpful but not over bearing.
I talked earlier on in this discussion about how I could not do it if my hubby was not there supporting me. By that I meant that he is always willing to listen, understand the feelings, the frustrations, the fear, the occasional anger with the day to day management, the long term stuff, the endless doctors’ appointments…He makes no complaints while he is constantly waiting for me to measure, weigh, and calculate before meals… There is NEVER a word of judgement on my “performance”, always a word of encouragement when I feel i have “failed” (although I am trying to take that word out of my vocabulary). So my support comes in the form of acceptance, and emotional support, no matter what. That is the only way I do not feel that isolation. I don’t think that my hubby would know what to do in terms of insulin dosage, or carb counting and all that jazz. I do feel the need to control that and I don’t feel a need to have him share in my diabetes in that way. He has however, inserted a sensor for me since I have started the CGM. And frankly, to my surprise, I kind of liked the extra little feeling of connection and understanding that came with that…wierd, I know!! 
I did not know that I needed support until I started to open up a little and realized how much better I can do with it!!!
I’m not married and was only diagnosed in September but I share very little of my Diabetes with family and friends. I don’t want the well meaning but sometimes useless advice I get. And I especially don’t want to be told what I should eat or be asked why my numbers are high, etc. Diabetes can be a lonely road sometimes.
Sylvia -
Your hubby sounds like mine. He would support me no matter what, never complains, never makes judgments, always encourages. But, like you, I control my disease. I don’t need or want him to “be involved.” It’s mine and I can handle it myself - and I don’t feel isolated or lonely about it.
As for “the public” - I don’t share or care what people think. But honestly, I’m not above “using it” to get what I want (isn’t that terrible - as in, “could I get my food soon - I’m diabetic and I really need to eat.”
Cheri
i can’t express how off-base this seems to me. i’ve been T1 for 50 years and happily married for 25. in all those years my wife has never asked what my BG is, what insulin i use, how my pump works, if i need to test or eat, or anything else d-related. i would tell her if she asked, but, i’m complication free; never been to the hospital for a d-related event; never had a seizure or a seriously sticky moment.
every once in awhile i’ll tell my wife and kids that i need to wait to eat because i never eat if i’m over 150. they simply nod. my wife knows the signs of low BG but, luckily, she’s never had to intervene.
so … to suggest this state of affairs is ``an indication of a larger underlying problem in the marriage’’ is categorically wrong in my case.
i deal with my d by myself. i don’t have team. i never have and never will disclose it to anyone beyond my wife, kids and doctor. it’s worked well. in fact, i’m far healthier than most people i know.
finally … i’m not writing this in anger. i just wanted to set the record straight.
I’m with you, DC, in that, I do not see the choice to avoid sharing all with a spouse as some type of relationship barometer. We are all different. I’ll go with the old transactional analysis moniker, “Im OK, You’re OK.” I like being my own parent, adult, and child - lol!
Agree with you Cheri & DC.
Quite a blanket statement to make when someone knows nothing about anyone’s relationship its dynamics.
I guess I wasn’t clear in my first post. If your spouse is interested in learning more and being more involved in your diabetes and if that makes you uncomfortable, that’s when you need to talk it out with the spouse. If that is also something you’d rather avoid, then there’s a need to investigate this further and seek outside help if necessary.
Gerri and DC Reporter and many others who have posted in this thread seem to be doing fine because their spouses have reached an unspoken agreement about how much involvement they are going to be doing in their diabetes management.
I don’t think it’s just those diagnosed young. I was diagnosed at 20 and even though my husband has been here the whole time… I very much keep it to myself and I will freely admit that there’s still a lot he just doesn’t understand after 10 years, and that’s not entirely his fault… some if it’s mine 
It’s interesting… that we both see the Dexcom as sort of opening up that line of communication. If mine alarms at night, my husband almost always asks me if I am okay. Previously, even if I did have a low or stubborn high and get up to deal with it, he was very much uninvolved. Not because he didn’t offer to help - most often because I just didn’t ask him to, or I’d tell him that wonderful “I’m fine” (which we all know means the exact opposite). The Dexcom alarming is a much more obvious sign that everything isn’t always peachy in my world… it make him feel like he has more of an idea of what is happening.
I’m trying to be more open with my kids, but it’s still tough… you have to balance how much to tell them, and in what kind of detail.
Danny…Yankees don’t matter. In fact we have bumper stickers that say "Yankees Suck’. What matters is GO RED SOX!
I hear ya Danny. When I talk to my girlfriend about my feelings it is not a good scene. Normally the answer is go see your Doctor. She has never really figured out when I am feeling or having a low what that means. So no, I dont normally share my feelings on the subject with her.
Well, Danny - I have to congratulate you for bringing up this subject. It has obviously struck a cord - and in some cases, a nerve - in a lot of folks. In my experience, that usually means it’s a subject that warrants more discussion and has lots to teach us.