We live in Montana, and as such, every person in our family LOVES to come and visit us in the summer. That means, however, that a loooong string of questions comes about our little one's new diabetes dx (it's been 6 months since dx). After the first few questions with the first round of relatives, I was done being the teacher (which is funny, since I AM a teacher). But they kept coming: the questions, the comments, the sad looks, and then the next round of relatives showed up with the same questions.
How do you deal with the "Oh, that's so sad," and "I don't know how you do it," and "How many times do you poke her finger?" and "You have to count EVERYTHING she eats?" and "You mean your insurance doesn't cover her insulin?" and "Can't you just change her diet?" and "Do they know what caused it?" and "You get up HOW many times every night?" and "You must not get ANY sleep!" over and over and over and over...
I know they're curious and are just trying to show they care, but all these questions just make me sad and reminds me how hard diabetes is to deal with. How do you gracefully step out of those conversations?
My daughter was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 11. It is a struggle and the only way your friends and family feel that they can show you how much they care is to ask questions.
When I was asked those questions, I just answered that if I don’t do it, no one else will. You do what you need to do.
Have you contacted your local ADA? They have free courses periodically for babysitters. It goes over all the basics. They can then direct their questions to the professionals that have had more than 6 months of education. I know that I didn’t feel comfortable at all until a year out if diagnosis.
A dozen years after my daughter’s diagnosis & I am still answering all of those same questions. I am thankful for the thoughtful ones and answer the “ignorant” questions in hope of teaching that there is more than one type of diabetes. The sad looks simply mean that they empathize with the pain you must feel and what your child will have to live with for the rest of her life. It is hard, but when I realized that the more people who were educated and had our backs, the safer Sam was, I accepted my role as educator.
As a busy hairstylist, I had to answer these questions from all of my clients in the months after Sam’s diagnosis. When I realized how little her school teachers knew about diabetes, I compiled an information booklet using the ADA, CWD & JDRF online info and did a presentation each September which I dubbed Diabetes 101. It was a huge hit. All of her teachers, counselors, nurses, the principal and club leaders attended yearly. I knew that they were all looking out for Sam’s safety. The year she graduated, the principal asked if they could continue to use my booklets for other kids, so I feel like I paid it forward a bit.
I know not everyone’s wired like me, but if you can find a reason in yourself that makes answering the questions tolerable, it may help. I hope so, because I can assure you that the questions will not stop. Time and repetition may eventually numb the pain a bit.
I know how you feel. Some days I am fine being "educator to the world", but some days I just want to be a normal mom, and i want my girls to be normal kids. Unfortunately I cant make people make appointments to ask questions! LOL. It is a hard one. On those days that I am not feeling it I answer, and keep reminding myself that I am helping to take the prejudice out of the disease for my girls, and next time those people will be more sensitive and ask fewer questions. That first year is so hard as you are learning to manage the disease, and everyone around you is also trying to figure out how this impacts them and their relationships with you and your daughter. When it gets to be too much, i will excuse my self to use the restroom, or grab a drink. Take that time to catch your breath and gather your self back together. Often when you come back into the conversation the topic has moved on, and you can choose to readdress the issue or not.
how old is your daughter? I think the important question here is are family members being tactful about their questions. With innocent ears listening they may be causing your daughter more concern, worry ... also these are family members, asking educated questions are caring and can make you feel heard and better but it sounds like they are asking some pretty inane questions! maybe a simple this is a lot, we are doing the best we can.. can we talk later depending on the question or your mood at the moment might be a good way to handle it! after a while though the questions will probably stop and you may be feeling does anyone care what I am going through! I feel that at times at work, ultimately this is the reason I came here to get the 'right' kind of support! best wishes, amy
Part of the problem is that your diagnosis is relatively new to you and brand new to your relatives. Their reactions are curious and questions are meant to be caring. Sorry it's bringing up your painful new diagnosis. If it were me and this is becoming too painful, I'd write up the schedule of testing and food consumption including carb counting for a day and then you have an example to "show" them what your life is now like. It would reduce your need to explain everything. Also, you can choose to downplay the whole thing and cut short the explanations. I have 2 girls with diabetes. My youngest is 5 and was diagnosed at age 2. The worst question that I get that seems to still hurt me is, "When will she grow out of it?" My older daughter was diagnosed at age 5 and is now 18. So, I've been doing this T1D thing for over 13 years. The questions will always come and many are very ignorant. I keep my answers brief and sometimes just nod at wrong and silly comments. Someone just told me recently that diabetes is no big deal because I just have to get her a new pancreas. I just smiled and walked off. My point is that the pain will lessen over time over the questions as your diabetes journey continues, but the questions will continue in a variety of forms. Try to come up with some canned responses to help you cope while things are so raw. Take good care.
Be glad they are interested enough to ask questions most of our relatives and friends don't really seem that interested in learning. When I try to explain something it seems to fall on deaf ears. Remember at first diagnosis we had all those same questions.
I guess once your family is inducted into this club you didn't ask for an invitation to is heart-breaking over and over. Gosh, brings me back to all the guilty thoughts I had and thinking about friends counting their lucky stars it wasn't their child.
People just don't know - they think it is Type 2 or the 'Fat disease' and if they change their diet it will go away. People generally do care and they just want to know. I always like to focus on the outlook my husband and I decided we would always have for Gia. She is a healthy and normal little girl who will live an awesome life.
Google something called 'Emotional Feedon Technique' I took this course be Gia was diagnosed and I can't tell you how much it has helped me through every emotion. Not preaching but it worked wonders!
