Tried....and failed AGAIN

SO I was doing really well for about a month taking all my insulin, eating right, exercising almost everyday. Only problem is I went from a size 2 to I don’t even know because I put on 20 pounds of water weight in a matter of 2 weeks and then it just kept coming until all my clothes were tight and I was having trouble breathing some of the time. My doctor and nutritionist just kept telling me the water would stop coming on and that my body would eventually let some of it go but I felt awful and like no was listening to me again. That is the story of my life, my family has never listened because they have never had to deal with an eating disorder or a chronic disease at that. The only time my parents have cared is when I am in the ICU laying there half alive then they listen, but as long as I act like I am ok then everything must be fine. So anyways I fell off the wagon again, stopped taking insulin, disconnected my pump, stop checking my blood sugar and my body responded exactly how I wanted it to. Now(2 weeks later) I am severely dehydrated, exhausted constantly, throwing up, I take some bolus insulin every now and then if I start feeling really bad, but my nursing exams are coming up this week and I can hardly stay awake to study let alone retain the information. Honestly all I want to do is get better but I dont know how to fix whatever it is that keeps me from doing what I am supposed to. I have seen the complications first hand because I am in the hospitals for school and I work as a nurse tech and I still dont get a freaking grip. Its so fustrating and I am at my wits end. I won’t let myself date anyone anymore because I dont think its fair to burden them with all this health crap I have going on all the time, I mean seriously who would want to deal with that? On top of it all all my friends and co workers are like you look better(now that Ive dropped all that extra weight I put on) and some of the ones I have known longer ask if I am taking care of myself and of course I lie because I dont want them on my case either. If anyone has any advice about the water weight once you start taking care of yourself let me know PLEASE!! Or if the water starts coming off eventually? thanks! :slight_smile:

I dont know about water weight at all, but what I might be able to share with you, is maybe go into a steam room for a bit, I might be totally wrong, but I am guessing that maybe sweating the water out?
Have no clue?
What are you going for in nursing school?

WOW, it stinks, but insulin is our lifeline! Trust me at times I want to smash my medtronics pump against the wall, but then, back to shots again, lol. I am addicted to checking my sugar, I most likely do it, like5-7 times a day, but I have to with the CGM! I finally figured out how to make it quite now:)
But check your sugar! I am more one of those low number kind of peps. Constantly change my basal rates.
I am here if you have any questions, I practically live on the computer, lol.

Some water weight gain is typical after weight loss, but not 20 lbs. Are you sure it’s water? After DKA, I was puffy. This was due to my potassium/sodium levels being out of balance from high BG. Once BG was more normal, the water retention was gone. You should get your potassium level checked along with kidney function, if this hasn’t been done… As counter productive as it sounds, drinking enough water helps with edema. Intentionally sending BG so high that you’re ill is incredibly dangerous, as you know. Diabulemia is life-threatening. Have you looked for a therapist who can help with this?

I do not have any advise on water weight but just had to tell you that YOU are too important to not take care of yourself. Insulin is your lifeline - you can NOT stop taking insulin. Look for a new doctor and keep trying to explain to them what happens until someone figures it out. Don’t stop trying - you will succeed. Best of luck to you and know that someone does care.

Gerri is right. There is a whole lot of biochemical stuff that has to adjust when you get your insulin doses right and your BG comes down, and you just have to wait it out. And yes, your endo should be keeping track of your electrolytes, which are very influential in regulating water retention. PLEASE go back to the insulin doses that were working – and give your body time to adjust. You DON’T look better when you are too thin – and if people say you do, it’s because their thinking is distorted by the bad female images in the media. And I also heartily endorse the idea of going to a therapist – you are risking your life, and future health if you survive, and that’s just not worth it!

I am a pump user also and I experience a lot of water weight as well. My last endo put me on water pills but warned me not to take to much only when needed. So I basically fill up with water again about 20 pounds like you take water pills for 2-3 days get rid of it and a few days later it returns. When I started seeing a new doc she didn’t like me taking water pills but has no idea why or what to do about it. She didn’t think it’s any other meds or my heart. That was after she sent me for an ecocardiogram and stress test which now I owe $400 for having the testing done and no answers! I also know how you feel about keeping your weight down and not taking insulin, going into DKA to lose the weight been there done that several times. Even went into a coma for a week and almost didn’t make it. I don’t know how old you are or how long you’ve had diabetes but I’ve had it for 20 years I’m 37 and I have so many diabetic complications from not taking care of my diabetes for years to be skinny again or just cause I was depressed and didn’t think it would really get this bad.And now I’m paying for it. I understand about your parents. Mine are the same way, I think it’s denial. When I don’t take care of myself and lose a lot of weight everyone especially my parents say you look so good stay this weight when I’m basically killing myself! Trust me it’s not worth it in the long run. I’m just learning now that I have my own family to take care of that weight and how you look isn’t as important as getting my A1C levels down to prevent further complications. Sorry I don’t have any advice about the water weight I’m kind of in the same boat with that. I wish doctors would be more understanding and helpful sometimes. Please take your insulin and try not to get discouraged. You’re not alone.

Thank you all for your input I really appreciate it. And yes being in nursing school and having had diabetes since I was 6 (now 23) I know exactly what I am doing to myself and what I need to do to get things under control, but its hard…I actually am taking my last final exam this semester on the 10th and then I am starting this Intensive outpatient program my nutritionist runs for people with eating disorders, I will be the only one with diabetes of course but if I can get the eating disorder aspect under control I know I can take care of myself because before this became a problem I was fine. :slight_smile: There is a therapist that works with the program and you are required to have a 1 on 1 session with her one time a week and I really think that is what I need while I am off school during the summer semester. Since its outpatient I can still work and go about my life as well which is good because I dont need to feel anymore out of control of my own life than I do already. I did have my kidneys checked bc thats what my endocrinologist suspected at first but all my functions are normal(thank goodness) and she also checked my thyroid which was fine too. I am going to have more blood work done next week so we shall see if anything odd comes back, but I think my body is so out of homeostasis thats the reason the fluid comes on and really quickly too. Our bodies are smart so after repeatedly abusing it I think it holds all that extra fluid to prepare for the next round of omitting insulin, my body has become increasingly better at holding onto fat as well which sucks.

I am REALLY hoping this program works for you. You are so young and so beautiful and so full of promise – I don’t want to see your life blighted by this stupid eating disorder! Please keep us posted on how you are doing! :slight_smile:

Hey! Just wanted to say hi and to tell you I’ve been there and I’m still there and to send you a little encouragement. I hope your therapy is helping and that you get a good 1:1 therapist who knows what they’re doing.
I know, seeing the complications and having my doctors tell me about the complications/using scare tactics does nothing to change my behavior. I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to date someone. It took me forever to try to find someone who I think accepts me for all my issues. I gained about 20 lbs. when I went on the pump, also (about 11 years ago). I’m scheduled to start using the CGM. I’m kind of scared to start because I guess it makes it a more conscious decision to skip boluses and to deny that my blood sugar is high. I guess it makes me stay in reality more. I hate reality.
Anyway, just wanted you to know you’re not alone. If you need to talk to someone, I’m always around.

Jenny, I have always dealt with periodic urges to stop taking insulin and ignore BGs. It landed me in the hospital in a coma last year. Entirely not worth it! The CGM DOES help you pay attention to BGs, but only if you LOOK at it. My resolution, which I have stuck to so far, is that whatever else I DON’T do, like make the bed, do the laundry or wash the dishes, I WILL take care of my diabetes, no matter how much I don’t want to. It’s definitely a struggle sometimes (like this week!), but after what I went through, I have a great motivation never to do it again. I’m lucky I didn’t die!