I came accross this site today and unfortunately my first post is about diabulima.I bet lots of you reading this find it hard to understand why someone would risk their life rather than gain weight but to me it has beome normal to skip my insulin.I feel the need to fill you in in the backround details so you can understand how I justify my diabulimia.I have type 1 diabetes for 16 years.I have always been fairly chubby and my control has NEVER been good.I am always hungry-I feel insulin makes me hungry.I was put on the pump in 2006 and for a month my control was good..but I wasnt exercising..I have never been able to exercise without eating exttra food...and I have read so many books and gone through 4 endos all telling me to go on a temporary basal rate..IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!I found that I would gain weight by exercisng as I would almost always go hypo.Then I started college last year.It wa s a nightmare!I couldn't concentrate as my blood sugars were all over the place-either hypo or hyper.I would sleep in in the morining's and miss my early lectures.I hated socialising with the opposite sex as I had ZERO self confidence..I was fat and I really hated that.When I saw the photos from the previous night I would die a little inside.I wasn't eating that much at all.I was going to the gym almost every night in college.But I wasn't losing any weight.I tried this approach for 6 months but no change in my weight.Then I tried a low carb diet and wile my bgs did improve slightly I gained weight and it wasn't muscle.People were commenting on how I should exercise more-basically calling me fa indirectly.I had the WORST year of my life last year..I would't wish it on my worst enemy.I felt lonely ugly and very different to everyone else.I couldn't take it anymore..I wasn't achieving anything.So I decided to skip taking my boluses and my weight has come down a lot.My life is so much better..I enjoy socialising...I get attention from the opposite sex and everyone is saying how goos I look.But I know I am causing irreversable complications..I would love to start taking my insulin again but I CANNOT live being fat.Is thaere anyway I can lower my bg without gaining weight?What if I ate a low calorie diet and exercised as much as I could??Please dont tell me that I am selfish and I am killing myself beacuse life as a fat person is the worst thing ever.
I'm glad you came here. I think you are very brave. There are others here who have dealt with diabulimia, just like you. I think having diabetes sets you up to have problems with eating. We have to count and measure everything. And despite everything we do, insulin can drive us to gain weight. But you have taken the first step. You came here. It is that first step that can help you get better. There are several groups here focused on some of these issues. There is a Diabulimia Support group and also a group focused on Diabetics with Eating Disorders. Some of our members have struggled with diabulimia and will hopefully also post offering more specific help.
I am really glad you came here. I do hope we can help you. I want you to live a long and happy life.
Abigail,
Weight has always been a problem for many of us here. A life long issue with me. Since taking more insulin I gained a significant amount of weight and its hard to get rid of (I am a T1). I am currently reducing calorie intake and I eat fairly low carbs and fat. I learned to keep track of what I eat and when I eat it. Stress doesnt help with weight management and it sounds like that is one of your biggest issues. Exercise, you have to exercise probably daily and better nutrition is the key. You may not be able to lose weight in the time frame you would like but I hear from other diabetics who have our simular siutation saying it took months but eventually they seen weight loss. Unfortunately when you have health problems you have to work harder to get to the desire outcome. Another thing is what kind of insulin are you using, look into trying different brands. For me Lantus makes me retain water like its worth more than gold and I gained weight. I switch and have noticed a difference immediately. I am not here to judge at all believe me. When I do something that may be taboo I ask myself is this worth the worst possible outcome and have I done everything I can do before I decide to go that route. I hope you take the time to ask yourself these questions and make the healthiest choice for your life...
Good luck!
Rye
Abigail, I'm glad you're here and seeking help.
You've posted the same message in three different forums; so I'm a little confused as to your diabetes type. It sounds like you are type 1, but I don't like to guess about things like that. It may help the experienced people on this forum help you if you give some more specific details about your diabetes, your diet and, despite the embarrassment you feel, your height and weight.
You've mentioned lots of diets and exercise that you've tried, but I have a suspicion that your problem is more emotional than physical. I hope we can help you.
Cheers, Alan, T2, Australia.
Everything in Moderation - Except Laughter.
I think those of us who have struggled with weight issues and eating disorders before diagnosis know how you feel and can empathize with where you are at. I am a newly diagnosed t1 and weight gain is on my mind every day. Find support in your community or on-line and love yourself regardless of your size. BE HEALTHY!!!
Hi Abigail,
Thank you for joining tudiabetes, and sharing this. I'm 38, I've had type 1 for 33 years, and I had an eating disorder for 18 years, starting when I was 14, and not fully overcoming it until I was 32. It was mostly insulin omission and bulimia, but in my early 20's after college, it was at its worst, and my weight got very low because I was taking so little insulin. I've had some complications because I didn't take care of myself, but since I got my BG's back under control, some of the damage has reversed. For instance, I was spilling a lot of protein in my urine for a few years, and the endo I was seeing at the time told me I would be on dialysis within 5 years if I didn't get my diabetes better managed. That was in 2003. Now, the protein levels are almost normal, my kidneys are stable, and my nephrologist says she's pretty confident my kidneys will be ok. My point is that I know you're concerned about causing complications, but the sooner you're able to get your diabetes management on track, the better your chances for putting a stop, or possibly reversing any damage your body might have incurred.
I'm thinking this isn't the advice you want to hear, but I'm hoping you'll at least think about it. I highly recommend you think about finding a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image issues. The treatment I received saved my life. I was in treatment for a long time because eating disorders are very difficult to overcome, especially for people with diabetes. It took me a long time to be ok with taking my insulin the way I was supposed to, but now I can't imagine going back to the way I used to do things. I never felt good about myself, mentally or physically while I was misusing my insulin and mismanaging my diabetes, but I didn't realize just how rotten I felt until I got it together and started to feel good, both mentally and physically. The difference was like night and day. I am so happy now that I've accepted my diabetes. The sooner you get yourself in treatment, the less time you will struggle with these issues that are causing emotional distress and straining your health.
I have a blog, The Butter Compartment, and I don't write about my eating disorder very often anymore because it's in the past now, but occasionally I do write something about it (I actually wrote something about it a couple of weeks ago: "5 Things that Changed My Life"), and you can find older posts about my experience and my recovery and everything I've gained from it. I hope you'll check it out. Maybe you'll find some hope or inspiration to look into treatment. Having been far down that path, having wasted years of my life and health there, and having come out the other side, I can tell you there is not a perfect diet or exercise plan that will be an answer. The answer is counseling or therapy or some kind of mental health treatment. Through that, you'll find the power to start making the choices that will make you happy, allow you to feel good about your body, and protect your health.
If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. Posting here today was a great first step to overcoming this :)
Take care,
Lee Ann
I know how you feel. Have you had your thyroid checked? Your difficulty in losing weight may have to do with a thyroid disorder. Quite a few type 1s also develop Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, another autoimmune condition in which the thyroid becomes underactive due to a similar autoimmune attack. An underactive thyroid will create extra weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight. PLEASE get your thyroid checked if you haven't already. I've known a couple of T1s who had Hashimoto's and they went through hell until it was finally diagnosed.
I don't have any other advice for you other than to hang in there and try to find a treatment method that works. You should not be having so many lows that you are out of control and gaining weight, nor should you be skipping your insulin and risking complications. It's a tough balance, I know, but you have to find it.
I hesitate in replying to this, but after thinking it over, feel I have to say something. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds.
As someone who has dealt with the exact issue the original poster is talking about, this kind of advice can be incredibly damaging and demoralizing. I know you meant well, but please be more aware in the future when you are addressing people with eating disorders and likely other underlying mental conditions. Scare tactics and dismissing concerns do more harm than good, and that comes from my own diabetes/eating disorder specialist therapist.
Thank you so much for posting, flannfry. I was really alarmed by the response in question, but refrained from responding because I can be a little too blunt. As you indicated, eating disorders are very complicated, misunderstood illnesses, and I wish people had some sense of that before they offered advice, well-intentioned or not. I'm really glad you said something.
I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm really not. Just please think of what you're saying to someone in a very vulnerable place right now.
No, I don't know your history. But I DO know basic diabetes etiquette and I'm working with the leading researcher in diabetes and eating disorders and she would be appalled by how you're speaking to this young woman.
I know I had to take a few deep breaths. I brought a lot of stuff I'd thought I'd worked through flooding back and felt an obligation to protect the original poster. It's such a scary place to be. We all know the complication risk. We don't/didn't do this for fun.
Those issues and her concerns are ones better suited for discussion with a therapist who specializes in eating disorder treatment and can help her address her concerns about insulin. I used to be absolutely convinced insulin was the cause of weight gain. That was part of my eating disorder, and no one on any message board could have convinced me otherwise. It was a belief I had to work on in therapy with someone who was sensitive to my fears. Insensitively reprimanding someone who is afraid of snakes to just deal with it and go sit in a room full of them isn't going to help that person overcome their fear - a fear is a fear, and diabetics with eating disorders characteristically have exaggerated fears of insulin and/or weight gain. Perhaps getting the type of info you're giving her would have been helpful to you when you were struggling with similar issues, but if that's the case, you would be a rare exception. Those who specialize in treating insulin omission, strongly advise against that type of approach. Not only is it not therapeutically beneficial, it's considered harmful, and within the scope of this discussion, I think we would all like to do what's going to be most helpful.
I agree w/ BSC that the OP was very brave to post their story here. I'm not totally familiar w/ the condition but I am hoping that some of the more constructive suggestions like MyBustedPancreas might help?
Sorry but, just because you haven't gained weight doesn't mean all Type 1s don't. That is a huge generalization. It would be nice, but I know LOTS of Type 1s who have gained weight over the years; whether it's from the insulin or something else doesn't really matter, it still happened.
What you just posted here is not helpful in any way.
The OP said they know they are causing complications and risking their life by running their sugars high. Clearly there is something deeper going on, or else they would stop. I don't know much about eating disorders, but I DO know about the frustration of diabetes and weight gain (being overweight myself), and it is not easy. Everyone's body is different; some people have never had an issue with weight, other people struggle with it. How can you possibly comment on what someone must be "doing wrong" if you have never had experience with weight issues yourself. If it was as simple as using temporary rates and eating less then none of us would be overweight.
I wish the OP the best of luck and am glad they felt open enough to post and ask for help here. I agree with others that it sounds like therapy of some kind would help, but connecting with people here for encouragement is never a bad thing, either.
Which solutions are more likely to achieve a positive outcome? I know that "in the long run, we are all dead..." but a lot of the challenges of diabetes come from balancing things other than insulin. While you are balancing insulin too. Even if you aren't taking insulin, you are still balancing insulin in a way.
I am inclined to agree that it's important to take insulin for many of the reasons you do but sometimes a more positive approach will get better results? Coming to a community is a big step and taking insulin is probably a big step. Other stuff can follow and if there are other issues, I would be inclined to follow Lee Ann's advice and take a more measured approach.
I think what we all need to remember that there is no size fits most advice or diagnosis for any of these VERY complicated and individual emotions, issues, etc.. What we do need to do is be kind to one another. Abigail please find a therapist tomorrow who can help you before it is too late. You have an entire life in front of you. My guess is if you can find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and a good endo doctor to guide you through this journey you will be able to be happy and healthy.
I've been on insulin for years and have never gained weight - insulin does not cause weight gain..in fact, i have a hard time keeping weight on.
You're right, I don't, but I was basing my comments on this which you posted above.
And it seems we want similar things for the OP, but they already said (twice) in their post that they are aware of what they are doing to their body. I don't think just yelling at them over and over again about something they already know is going to make them change anything or feel very welcome here.
I'm not her therapist, but I am a therapist, one who treats people with diabetes who are struggling with the copious emotional issues that can accompany this disease. As such, I maintain that a supportive approach encouraging her to get the appropriate mental health care she needs from a service provider in her community is the most helpful thing this community can offer her. No one, regardless of the struggles they are facing with this disease, comes here to get the message board equivalent of a slap in the face. Most of us, regardless of the struggles we face, get enough of that elsewhere.
It IS a lethal combination. It's also a complicated one that requires a delicate approach. That's all we're saying. She likely knows what she's doing and has heaped guilt trips upon guilt trips on her head.
Here's something else. Taking an immediate "Fix it or DIE!" approach can cause more harm. I don't want to go into the science and mechanics of it here, out of respect for the OP's journey ahead, but there is a definite argument for taking a slow and steady approach, the first step of which is coming to a safe space like this and looking for help.
This brought tears to my eyes. So, so true.
No one, regardless of the struggles they are facing with this disease, comes here to get the message board equivalent of a slap in the face. Most of us, regardless of the struggles we face, get enough of that elsewhere.