When does it end?

The diabetes I mean. And life? A life with diabetes? When does it stop being so hard and when does this all end? I don't see a cure in the near future and my life is hell lately.

I was threatened to be put back in the hospital...maybe it's what I need, but I would probably loose everything this time. Not that I haven't already lost a lot to this disease.

I feel like giving up and letting the diabetes win. Really, it already has. I have no motivation for it. I lived with my mom for 24 years and watched her control spiral downhill although she never really had any to start.

I don't know where to go from here. I feel so alone and like giving up...any suggestions?

sorry for the troubles you are going though right now but you’ve got to look past this moment there is a whole life ahead of you. reach out to people close to you and lean on them to get through this rough patch. DO NOT GIVE UP

You sound depressed. And I know that now you’re like, “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” But I would just point out to you that there is a flaw in your logic. If you have lost the will to live, then you have truly lost everything. If you go back into the hospital, no matter what else you may lose (and I have no idea what you’re referring to specifically), it pales in the face of gaining back the will to live that you need to get through each day. Given the choice between those two things, it’s clearly better if you seek help!

On Joe’s blog, Don’t know what to do…, you noted that you are both 25 years old. That in itself is a good reason for you both to do the best that you can for yourselves and your diabetes, because you will see more and more advances in treatment, and maybe even that cure. You have the chance to keep your bodies and brains in good shape, with long and productive lives ahead of you. If you look at Danny’s blog, Healthy Lunch in the Midst of Unhealthy People, you can see one example of how it can be done. Noone with this disease is happy to have it, but one day at a time, things can get better. Really, things will get better.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly. I think I can relate...I spent years spending each day feeling like I was spiraling out of control and I remember wishing I would just get hit by a car so I wouldn't have to go slowly by diabetes. Today, everything is really different for me. Somehow I managed to get a hold of my depression (which was fueling my feelings of hopelessness) and I slowly but surely got better and better, in mind, body, and spirit. I should have died years ago but I didn't. Somehow I made it and you can, too. If you're interested, I have a lot of articles on my site where I talk about how I used to feel and what things here and there helped me feel good enough to do what I needed about my diabetes management. I used to think I couldn't get my A1c down to 9% and now I can get it below 5%. So definitely, the way I see things has changed. And let's face it, if we don't think or feel there is much hope then we have a hard time doing simple things like, testing our sugar. So how you feel and how you think is really important. Your life is super important and it's not too late. My site is http://thegirlsguidetodiabetes.com. I know it sounds stupid but something that really has helped me is to stop all negative thoughts. Negative thoughts become negative actions. Say positive things in place of the negative and try to make it a habit. It helps, I promise.

I have to say never give up. I can sympathize in some ways still new to a lot of this. My life has few bright points at this moment, but I refuse to be beat. I to have watched my mother and other members of my family spiral downhill with diabetes, but have heard well of my cousin who I have only met a few times so, so some one in my family is doing well with this and I seem to be doing well with it as well. I now it is easy to say always look for a positive and in reality it's a ■■■■■. but try. They say they want to put you back in the hospital, prove them wrong don't let them win. Your mother has bad control, well that shows you what not to do, set the example for her. I have seen my own mother start to take better care of herself and she is now looking into getting a CGM and is starting to as me about pumping.

All of us on here are fighters in one way or another, Fighting Diabetes, Fighting Stereotypes, Fighting Family History even in some cases our Doctors and many of us our fighting ourselves Never give up hope, never let those that say "You can't do it" win. Each day you wake up you are winning, each time you can find something little to smile about even if is just for a second you win.

When does it end? Never but we must all grab what we can of life and seize it.

Michelle I am so sorry that diabetes is kicking your arse right now. This disease sucks the life out of the person dealing with it. And the medical biz does very little to help. After 47 plus years with T-1 I have come to realize that most likely there will not be a cure in my lifetime. We diabetics are Cash Cows to the biz that is medicine. Each and everyone of us is supporting countless doctors, hospitals, labs, etc. with our health care and I do not see this changing any time soon.

On 11 September 1998 I became the 1st person in North America to receive The Islet Cell Trannsplant. For the 20 months that it more or less worked were unbelievable. I had been sick and felt like crap for so long that I had forgotten what good could feel like. When I rejected in Feb of 2000 I decided to get a pump and never go back to the dark places before the transplant. I found hope again.

Find hope Michelle. It sounds as if you have lost that spark and drive that it takes to crush this disease. It does not end but it can be better. Keep writing and reading and reaching out and try to keep putting one foot in front of the other until.... Good luck.


I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so. I know I did for too many years. One of the best things I was able to do is to remove the negative notions associated with the numbers. 200? 11.6? 48? 5.4? They are all just numbers that provide you with a snapshot of the past, and the past is over. Focus on the positive - ALWAYS!

When I have a high number, I refuse to beat myself up or to let anyone else do so. It's my number and I will figure out how to treat it. Now that may mean that I talk with my endo or dietician or diabetes educator to help me figure out the appropriate steps, but they are not allowed to criticize the number.

Have a low number? Same thing, but I keep the glucose tabs handy and know that 3 Dex-4s will get me from 60 to around 95 in 20 minutes.

Have an "in-range" number? Woo-Hoo! A quick mental celebration. You are great!! Focus on the positive - ALWAYS!

Having trouble getting "in-range"? Expand it some. When I started with my current endo, she wanted me to get my fasting number to 100. "100," I cried, "I will be in insulin shock @ 100!?!" We settled on 140, then lowered it as I had more success. Focus on the positive!

Remember you are incredibly smart. You are taking on the challenge of actively managing a process that happens magically for non-diabetics, and you ARE having successes. They may be far fewer than you desire, but they are there. Use today's successes to help you have more tomorrow and the next day and the day after.

Fair Winds,


It's tough at first. There are so many changes that need to be made. We don't like to make those particular changes. We all go through periods of denial and anger and bargaining until we hit acceptance. The more practice you get at this, the easier it gets. But you have to stop hating it. Really. This is the hand you've got to play with and you can't pass the diabetes card to someone else. It's here and it's here to stay. Some things you are just going to have to make a habit. Frequently checking BG (unless you've got a CGMS), learning the carb count (it's not that bad -- I'm so lazy it's not funny but I was able to teach myself carb counting), getting a handle on your I:C ratio and your correction factor. Once you have those tools under your belt, it makes things a bit easier.

I've been at this for 33 years. It gets easier. You don't want to give up. Diabetes is a killer but it doesn't do it quickly and without a great deal of suffering for you and your loved ones. Old, blind and on kidney dialisys -- you think things are bad now?

The best way to handle this is to work on adding the healthy behaviors one at a time. The best one to start with is testing your glucose. The more you know about what's going on in there the better. Checking your glucose is a good way to see how things are affecting you. Frequent testing also allows you to catch lows before they become a problem and it can help you bring down highs. Not one of us is perfect at this. Honest. But it's a lifestyle that you adopt. It is very true: your life has changed in a very significant way.

The motivation to care for yourself must come from within. I had some bad habits and I realized that I had to get out of the denial and get a handle on it. It was easier to do than I thought. I would suggest a couple of books for you to read: "Using Insulin" by John Walsh and "Think Like a Pancreas" by Gary Scheiner. When I read Using Insulin I had my come to Jesus moment.

If they have to hospitalize you again because of non-compliance, that's kind of your responsibility. Diabetes isn't an entity, it has no malice, it's not doing everything within its power to destroy your life as you know it. If you want to do a stop-loss, YOU have to do it. That means moderation in all things and management of your condition. No one can do that for you.

Don't compare yourself or your diabetes to anyone else. You certainly can learn from their example as a cautionary tale. But you don't have to emulate that bad behavior.

You ask "when does this all end?" That's up to you. When I was diagnosed they told me that there may be a cure in 10-15 years. I'm 15 years past that and still no cure. You can't wait and hope for a cure. This is a manageable condition. It's chronic, so it's going to be the roommate that never moves out and is a bit needy. It's better if you meet this one head-on. You can beat this back.

A number is just a number. High ones disappoint us, low ones scare us. But we only need to use them as a point of reference for what we need to do next. Soon you will find your numbers being pretty good more often than not. Those victories will build on each other. You need to get some experience under your belt and you need to stop treating the diabetes like it has already killed you.

You aren't alone. You have found TuD. I have learned so much from the other members. If you have a question or a problem, do a search and you will probably find somneone else has crossed that bridge and has gotten a bucket load of different ways of dealing with things. This is a community of people who really are good folk. We are here to cheer you on, we are here to celebrate your victories, and we are here to help get you through the bad times. It's up to you. You can really do this. Honest.

NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!! Honey I'm sorry your having such a time right now and know all the feelings your having (all to well)Always tell yourself I CAN DO THIS!!! And you will go far. I lost everything that I hoped for at 10 then I decided not to let the diabetes win so I started fighting back! I am now 47 years old and still going. Hey I'm even the g-mother to 3 wonderful kids now! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! Show diabetes who's boss here!

Almost 62 years of this disease, I hate it. I wish there was a cure. But like Pete kinda said, you have to play the cards you are dealt. I hope you have more good days than bad days. Let the good ones outshine the cloudy ones.
I've had my fill of shots and testing just like you. Maybe in your lifetime there will be a cure, but I've lived too long hearing "it's right around the corner." When it never came, I decided I'd better learn to live the best life I could with the cards I was dealt, cause no one is gonna take care of me but me.
Things are better now than they were in your mom's day. Don't let this disease grab you by the throat. You tell it: "I've had my last day of you (diabetes) ruling my life. You've had your time. Now its my time to rule. I'm in charge. This will be my victory. You can't have me. Flake off. Move onto someone else. Sure I have diabetes, but that does not mean my life is over. My life is too important to me, leave me alone. "
You may have read or heard of people whose diabetes is just wonderful, some actually say, it was the best thing that ever happened to them (oh really, hmmm...I can't say that), some are famous, some are athletic, some have an A1C of 4.1 and never see a blood sugar out side of 60 - 85. I don't think that's the majority of us, it certainly isn't me. Do the best you can. Test often. that will help curb the swings little.
Best wishes for a long and successful life to you.

I've had it for 52 years (if I make it to 03/15/11) and I'm not really bothered by it that much. Yeah, there have been tough times but others have had tougher times with other stuff. Yes, some days I my BG goes too low at work and I get a little goofy, but after a Reese Cup life is good again. Sometimes I go high and am ready for a fight, a bolus takes care of that. So I'm happy to be around, many of my friends aren't and they never had "D".

Remember someone smarter than me once said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it." And I am in charge of the attitude part.