I’ve had many days where I’m mostly depressed. I’ve been diagnosed with Depression since 1997 along with OCD. Diabetes came in 2006. I had insurance on and off but when I lost my job in December of 06, I wasn’t sure if I was going to have insurance. Then a week after my job ended, I found out I am a Diabetic. Frustrated and mad because of the insurance issue. My then boyfriend said everything would be ok. I signed up for COBRA which my poor ex paid for a whole year. He was so supportive but then became unsupportive. He broke up with me a year after I was diagnosed. So that is when my whole should I care about my Diabetes kicked in. My depression was worse after he broke up with me. COBRA ended in June of 08. I was still living in NY then and applied to Medicaid. I told the person I am a Diabetic and needed to get my medication so I can live. I was denied a month later due to lack of information. I was outraged, hurt, upset. Especially at my ex as I was still living with him (no job and was in the process of going through interviews for a job at a hospital that I volunteered at) and he didn’t fill out the paperwork that I needed so I could get medicaid. I was working on applying to another insurance but going back and forth on the phone to even get my questions answered was frustrating. I got a job and insurance didn’t kick in until after probation was done. I lost that job 2 weeks before I was suppose to start insurance. I was pissed even more because medication is expensive and I was being conservative with it. My depression was just getting worse for me as I was just going through too much. My mom still didn’t understand Diabetes and it was frustrating enough as it is. I fought not to come home as I was working on getting insurance, food stamps to help me out through my rough time, unemployment, etc.
I came home and it wasn’t easy at first and still isn’t. My mom brought me to the Joslin center because she was too concerned about it. I was skeptical in getting newer drs and a new set of regimen, etc. My new dr is more proactive than my old one. I also have a nurse who helps me out with my medication. Now I’m awaiting to hear from Masshealth. Which is a pain in my butt! I am scared I’ll get denied once again and will be suffering if I can’t get insurance. I’m already having trouble getting a job.
My depression makes it hard for me to sleep at night. I think I wont wake up in the morning. I cry sometimes because of all of the frustrations I’m going through at the moment. With very little money coming in, I haven’t been able to visit my friends in NY which I miss very much. I dont have a drivers license so I can’t get out of my house unless someone takes me and most of the time I’m by myself during the day. I can walk a mile to a street that has my favorite coffee shop and stuff but other than that, I can’t go very far. I am talking to someone at the Joslin center but its only one meeting so far.
Overall, I’m frustrated. If only he still cared and didn’t break up with me, I wouldn’t be feeling the way I do. But I guess you move on. I’m excited that our newly president has lifted the restriction on the stem cell research. I am hoping for a cure in Diabetes soon. I just really want a cure. I’ve been trying to work with the disease and its hard. I can’t enjoy things without someone saying “can you eat that” or “you dont know correction, you need a new dr” or “you arent on the pump but it will make your life easier”. On the pump thing, I overall just dont want anything attached to me. I dont even wear jewelry often. And if I hear one more thing about eating or corrections, I’ll scream. I just can’t take it. And I just really want my sleep again.