it's been awhile hasn't it? oh well...I have been here in spirit....a few days ago i was going thru some of my things and i found a poem I had written about being diagnosed with diabetes.....i was only 13 at the time so it's not william shakespear or anything but I thought i would share it with you guys. hope you dont mind :)
Dreaming
Maybe someday
my dream will come true.
without shots
and this and that
when our live will be
no longer different.
But we will always be special,
A place for us in every heart.
I know someday
I'll be well again.
But for now
my dreams will have to do.
Till then i'll live my life through.
Miranda age 13
and here I am now 32 years older and wiser. i know now diabetes wasn't a death sentance although it felt like it at the time. I cried to my daddy and said they have made a mistake I cant be sick. he said darlin if it wasnt true all this insulin you are getting would make you even sicker. I remember before being diagnosed i got really skinny. And thinking back I wasn't fat but my family made me feel like i was and when I losrt all that weight...i was like a celebrity to them..they loved me more. I felt more popular at school. I felt like I was somebody but dammit i was sick. and now at 32 I am overweight. Did my family put the food in my mouth? Nope i did that all on my own. Food was my comfort. it didn't criticize me. it didn't make fun of me. It didnt make me feel stupid. and I am still overweight and where is my family that was my fanclub when i was "skinny"? oh the fanclub is here alright//my grandmother you would be so much more pretty if you werent so fat. My dad you would feel better if you werent so fat. My dr's dont you want to be around for your lil girl? you wont be because you are so fat. I try so hard. I literally starved myself in highschool<i am not proud of this>and continued to do so until recently. It's not like I eat all day long. I watch what i eat. I guess folks think i sit around and eat anything i want to. ut my husband loves me just the same. i am perfect in his eyes but i want to be so much more. I want to be the sexy goddess "TALLULAH' hear me roar! I want to be accepted for me. miranda. without lilitations on what I look like. folks think fat people are jolly all the time...nope sometimes i am one pissed off woman at the world that has brought all this stuff on myself and I have no one to blame except for me. I wish i was glamorous and beautiful. but god made me the happy go lucky pick you up and tote the world on my shoulders kinda gal..sigh...hope everyone has a great evening and a wonderful day tommorow...love and hugs to all..............miranda