I guess acceptance is looking death right in the eyes and knowing it is just a matter of time. Maybe we are not meant to live this long.
I know my heart will not keep up with all this strain on it. My attempts to lose weight have failed, no matter what I have done.
I am no longer on any medication, and the blood shot eyes, shaking, blurred vision, waking up sick to my stomach, and really bad attacks of sleepiness are back.
There is nothing to take. All of the others can cause pancreatitis, heart failure, kidney disease, or weight gain, which would load my poor heart up more.
It has become neurotic listening to diabetic educators. They must think we can prescribe our own drugs. “Why don’t you try glipizide?” Why don’t I? Because I do not have a prescription pad.
I think they have bits and pieces of information and throw it out, but they are not more “expert” than anyone on here.
I am tired of feeling like someone in the dark, bumbling along blindly, not knowing what to do.
Frankly, no one knows what to do, yet all I hear is how we can control this disease.
Taking glucose readings mean nothing. So I get a high or low reading. Okay, I know what it says. But I can’t change what is happening.
I know I have to accept this is the slow decline to my life. I am not willing to become an invalid, or lose my job or my health insurance. If I lose my job, I have no income. I am not willing to be subject to the state aid people who think we are all morons and they are the intelligent ones. I cannot bear it.
Maybe man was not meant to live this long. It sure seems like it.