As the 15 year anniversary of my diagnosis approaches, I've been thinking about a lot of stuff. Ever since I starting taking care of my bolus', blood sugar checks, and carb counting, my A1c has spiked. I haven't really been taking care of myself and I think I finally figured out why. I'm still in denial. Even after 15 years, I still can't accept the fact that I'm diabetic. I HATE to talk about it and I'm embarrassed to check my blood sugar and such in front of people. I tell myself that if I ignore it, it will go away. Well it doesn't and at my last endo appointment, there was a scare of possible kidney damage. Even though it was because of a bad urine sample, it really hit me. This is my life. Nothing I do can make it go away. Although I'm starting to accept it a little more, I still need help. I have no one to talk to that understands how I feel and no one to help push me into taking care of myself. I mean yeah my family remind/tells me what to do and all that, but it doesn't feel like they're helping. Instead it feels like they are just saying what the doctors told them to say.
I can't keep going on acting like I'm not diabetic. I want and need to be comfortable about talking about it and dealing with it before I go off to college later in the year.
So I guess the point of all my babbling is, What can I do to completely accept the fact that I'm diabetic?