Advice for Dads Out of Control Blood Sugar

1

Okay so I need a little bit of advice..my Father has type 2 diabetes and has NEVER taken care of himself and is overweight with high blood pressure, high cholesterol,etc. He has never eaten how he is supposed to and eats everything he should not. I actually joke with my family that I got diabetes to educate him because even after 15 years of diabetes he is CLUELESS! He thinks that as long as he takes his medicine he can eat whatever he wants (on Christmas he ate lots of cookies,fudge,macaroni,etc. even though I begged him not to). So I am at my parents for the holidays and I decide to go peek at his glucose monitor readings.. they are ALL 160-350!!!!! The majority of them being in the mid 200s even fasting! (he also goes days at a time without testing and taking his medicine at all)I have tried and tried to educate him and he just rebels and thinks I am picking on him and gets frustrated. Last night he walked into the living room and said "My sugar is 358 guess my new medicine (metformin) isn't working" and then he goes in the kitchen and eats some fruit!! He worries me to death, especially now that I am a diabetic and am educated on the complications and how to take care of diabetes. Any advice? I am at a loss..

2

If you think that he really doesn't know what he could be doing to make the situation better, you could sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart about how worried you are about him and explain to him some of the simple steps that he could do. If he changes his diet to replace many of the carbs with protein and good fats, it will be fairly easy to lose weight and then many of his numbers will improve, not just the BG. But if he is already educated and just doesn't feel like being compliant there is not much you can do. It's HIS diabetes, just like yours is yours. And this is compounded by the parent-child relationship (it would be different if you were of the same generation as he is).

3

It's almost impossible to change parents, because of their relationship to you -- they feel like they should still be teaching YOU what to do. I tried for decades to get my mother to stop smoking, but it didn't work, and she died of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, with not another thing wrong with her, not even diabetes!

Does he have any friends or relatives he might listen to? Has he ever been to a diabetes education class? Offering to take a class together might do the trick.

A subscription to the ADA's magazine Diabetes Forecast might be good, too, if he would read it. It has some good information for Type 2's although the diet information is old-fashioned.

I wish I could be more upbeat about it, but each person has to live their own life and make their own decisions, no matter how much it may hurt their loved ones.

4

Understand how very worried you are. Unfortunately, no one can change someone's behavior. Pleading, lecturing & stories of doom & gloom don't work. We all rebel at this. A softer approach is talking to your dad about what you do to manage your diabetes without the "you shoulds."

Would your mother be an ally by keeping things out of the house he shouldn't eat & by preparing healthier foods? Try educating your mother. Impossible to control what people eat outside & easier not to have tempting junk around. I have a neighbor who brings me baked goodies & homemade candies, despite telling her that I appreciate her thoughtfulness but I don't eat these things. I give it away or trash it.

His doctor can't tell you anything about a patient, but you could try informing him/her about your father's readings & diet. Sometimes people listen to medical authority figures when they brush off family & friends.

5

Is there any way he could personally meet someone who is dying from diabetes complications? Like someone who has amputation, blindness, kidney failure, etc. I’m a nurse and I see people like that all the time, that is a VERY sobering reality to me when I see people who haven’t taken their diabetes seriously and the tragic health effects. My grandpa had diabetes for many years and didn’t take care of himself (just kind of ignored, it a lot like your dad actually) He now has charcot foot and severe neuropathy in his hands and feet. It’s really sad knowing that if he had taken care of himself all these years he would probably still be healthy.

6

Free Will is a messy thing, no matter what he does you are not responsible, you didn't cause it, and its not your fault.

My father's doctor told him stop drinking, stop smoking or you're dead in 10 years or less, his response was if its my time its my time nothing I can do about it.

bull headed, stubborn and dead in less than 10 years, he lived the way he wanted to and no one could tell him anything different. I share your frustration.

this would not have worked with my dad on the drining and smoking, he would have bought a case of beer and a box of cigars, take a DQ ice cream cake over to the house and tell him that you decided to live for the moment just like him without regard to whether or not it kills you dead, or who it hurts, you can go out together.

Dads may not take care of themselves but they often will live for their kids, it takes an earth shattering highly emotional event sometimes to get their attention, smething along the line of an intervention like the ones done for addicts might be the only thing that gets his attention

7

I'm sorry to hear about this -- it is so difficult.

Is he seeing an endocrinologist or is his diabetes managed by his GP? Perhaps you can convince him to change doctors if you think that would help?

My dad has type 2 diabetes as well and I think that the most helpful thing that I have done for him is to give him ideas about what to eat and help him learn what has more carbs in it and not. I often do this by telling him what I eat when I need low carb foods and he appreciates the ideas. Perhaps you can make sure that he knows what foods have more or less carbs. He might think that fruit is OK when he is high because it's healthy.

8

It’s really a bind. I’ve tried for years to convince my mom (not D) to eat better and be more active, but all I ever hear is that she’s not about to go changing things at this point in her life. I try to emphasize that it’s not just about living longer, but also about having a higher quality of life, but that didn’t help either. She does struggle with depression though. But even getting her out of the house more and to make more friends hasn’t really helped. Stuborness and age correlate very well!

9

I don't know what to say that will help. anotherr commentator said it is difficult to get another person to take things seriously. I do think that in some ways he has many advantages. First and foremost a daughter who is doing well and he is using metaform.

I am not for certain what his trigger is. Heart? put control Diabetics have far higher than normal rates of heart disease. kidney issues? Of course diabetes is the leading cause for dialysis. Amputations? Leading cause of that as well. But here is one that might cause your mom to help him. Diabetes is the leading cause for impotence. Depending on how old he is? this may shake him back to life.

Rick Phillips.

10

You can't change his behavior if he doesn't want it to be changed. It sounds as if he is in denial.

How about a visit with a CDE, or a support group for D? I also agree with maybe a visit with a person with D who had suffered complications from non-compliance - maybe this will get it to sink in?

11

6 points

1. ABCs

2. WATCH PORTION SIZE

3. EXERCISE

4. YOU CANT 'REVERSE' COMPLICATIONS - so you must control bs before problems arise (now)

5. If you want to see your grandchildren grow up, control your bs

6. Watch what you eat

A- A1c - less than 7 (or less than 6.5, or even 6);

A - baby aspirin too may help

B- blood pressure - control it - it can make some complications worse

C- cholesterol - control it - diet, meds, exercise - it can make some complications worse

D- Diet - learn about good foods

E- exercise; eyes - check them once a year

F - Feet check them 3 months -yearly

F- Future - why do all this?

My mother - 75 years old, 25 years with T2 Diabetes and no complications.

she has followed all steps above

10 years on pills/diet; last 15 years on insulin.

25 years with T2 Diabetes and no complications !

Please help him!

12

Lil Mamma,

at university, i took apart ahuman body bit by bit.

i saw first hand what (after years of uncontrolled bs) Diabetes does to each part of the body

our professors used to say...

well this is the diabetic.....heart

well this is the diabetic.....kidney

well this is the diabetic.....eye

well this is the diabetic.....foot

you get the picture.

there is no escaping it, unless blood sugars are controlled..

some men or even women have the macho approach

but love, perseverance, understanding on your behalf, and some will and determination on your family member's behalf, you can whoop this thing.

the one thing i LOVE about diabetes (yes love!) is..

no matter how many times a person falls off track, it doesn't matter!!

what matters is if they are willing to get back on track again

isnt that a fantastic thing.

maybe print out my earlier post and give it to him.

good luck girl, chin up, and beat this thing!!!!!!!!

13

I agree with this. It wasn’t the only thing that helped straighten me out but I’ve run into some cases @ work (investigating car accidents…) and they are very sobering!

14

Thanks for all of the wonderful advice, you guys are great.

15

You could tell him about my brothers severely gangrened feet. I don’t know if that you do any good. I still makes me paranoid about high blood sugars. It is something best seen in the flesh.