Hi, my son jacob is responsible about his D and struggles more with the emotional side of dealing with D. His biggest issue is being different and he has trouble sharing anything about his D with his friends. I think most of this is personality and age related, he is 14. I just feel so bad when I can't seem to find the right words to make him feel better. I think when anything is bothering him his D comes into it as part of a downward spirial. He is not "depressed" just expressing sadness, and my lame I know how you feel,I am here for you, you have this and that going for you ect. only makes him feel worse. Any good ideas on how to help? If I let him be he ussually comes around, I guess this is all part of growing up and dealing with all kinds of emotions, but when D seems to be the biggest player in his angst of course I feel bad and want to help. One major trigger is when he has to change his omnipod, it is a hastle it hurts and it reminds him of how dependent he is on his pump I guess. Oh and despite my suggestions he is not interested in joining tu, he wants to treat and pretend he is "normal". I would appreciate any words of wisdom!
Maybe he would like to have a private journal. Lots of times, it is hard to talk to someone else about things, but talking to yourself through a private journal can help you deal with stuff. It could either be an electronic journal or a paper one. I like electronic forms since he can employ security to make sure it remains private. It may be helpful to provide "prompts" on what you shoud write about. What were today's successes? What were today's failures? What made today a bummer?
I know I would have loved having a friend whom I actually liked and admired with type 1-diabetes when I was his age. Is there any chance you good hook him up with and older guy (18-20) with type 1? Nothing serious or scheduled, but just someone he could talk to when he feels like it?
Siri has some great advice. A mentor who is also a type one would be a fantastic outlet. Even as an adult I get depressed about what we go through. Thankfully my karate instructor is a type one as well, and that provides a great positive outlet.
Not to doubt the good nature of 14 year old boys, but historically they haven't proven to be the most outwardly supporting environment for people with any type of differences.
If he doesn't like the pod change, I would say a good idea, would be to move his change time to either later at night, or early in the morning.
I grew up with diabetes since I was 7. My dad always used to tell me I had the diet coke or sugar-free ice cream because "I was already sweet enough" haha. Not sure if those types of pep-talks helped me out as an adult because I am not ashamed to talk about my diabetes, but I don't go out of my way to bring it up in conversation - it's just hard for non-diabetics to really empathize or understand what you are going through - it seems I get more sympathy than I want. I do recommend that your son think about going to Diabetes Camp as a camper or a counselor. I loved going, when I was his age I was there the whole summer. I do like coming on here, though, there are lots of good discussions and a very helpful community.
Journals are a fantastic idea, as long as they are his and his alone. I journal a lot and my husband is smart enough to stay away, unless invitd to read.
And have you considered couseling or a kids camp? Knowing you are not the only one was huge for me. My mom sent to camp (ready?) NEEDLEPOINT! As I look back, it was the first and only time I met type 1s until I was in my 40s. Really was nice.
Personally I don't like thinking about myself being "different" because of diabetes. We are all different anyway and that is what each of us individuals. I love Star Trek and in one of the movies Kirk tells Spock's brother that "I need my pain".
Having diabetes is a bummer but from the sounds of it he as already made it part of himself. In time he will learn, at least with that special group of friends, to let them in a little. But do tell him that I said he is different in so many other ways and that makes diabetes no big deal.
I am now almost 18. When I was younger I had a lot of anxiety and feelings of sadness toward my Diabetes. I started on the Omnipod 13 days after my 13th Birthday and that was when things hit rock bottom. over the next 3 years I had a lot of trouble with the Omnipod. It would fail or beep in class plus it looked weird having a huge lump under my shirt. Because there is no vibrate option with the omnipod unlike every other pump on the market I had a very hard time hiding it. I used to get tons of questions reguarding my pump. I missed a lot of class time because every time the pod failed I had to go to the nurse to change my pod. My blood sugars were horrific. I wanted to go back to shots but my A1C was 9.8 so clearly that was not an option. My Doctor put me on my Minimed jast over a year and a half ago and since then I have not had any problems like I did with the Omnipod. I hesitated at first because i thought the tubing would be a huge hassle when in fact it was nothing compared to the pod. Another thing is that the pod hurt a lot to change and I hated it. with a Minimed or an animas pump there are different kinds of sites that are so much less painful. I use the Mio which does not hurt at all. I literally don’t feel anything when i insert it. I think step one is get rid of the Omnipod and look into getting a Minimed or an Animas. The Omnipod is the WORST pump on the market and should never have been FDA approved
But he is a child. So different. I was 10 and it turned my world upside down.
thanks gabby, sorry you had such a bad experience with the omnipod, it was the only pump he would consider and although we have had some issues with it he has been stable on it, his worst fear..it only beeped once during lunch so he pulled that one off without much ado, i think he is hitting the teen glumness stage which i guess all kids go through,i just somehow feel without D he would be less glum, obviously i try to teach him that what we can not change we have to accept, what doesnt kill us makes us stronger all that and he is more mature and responsible than his peers, but any advise coming from me just doesnt go over that well when he is down, just looking for some inspiration from others that have been there. although it would be good for him he so does not want to connect with anyone else with D unless it was just hapenstance. i guess all moms go through this it just stinks to see him unhappy as a mom you want to make it better, i know i can't and shouldnt expect to but i still wish i could!
i agree with your line of reasoning and i hope he gets to that place when he is more mature!!
When I was in the teenage hormone stage, my life was hell. (If they bleep that I wrote H**L) It was awful, awful, awful... I do not think hus problem is "glumness"--it is hormones and they are a very powerful beast. Oh and with or without diabetes, all teens at that age are glum!
I advocate that the diabetic control their own fate, but if he is removing omnipods "without much ado" you might have a bigger problem. Oh, and you are his mom, so any advice you give him will be wanting....
I have seen a lot of your posts and I do not mean to be invasive, but have you sought comraderie, assistance, couseling to help you help him? It really might help to find live support groups, chronic disease counselors, etc for you and Jacob. It might (or not) make a huge difference. Might be worth a try?
I was an angry, sad, moody teen with diabetes, and I think the only thing my parents DIDN'T do, that I would have liked from them, is let me know that they were angry and sad about it, too. My folks are very strong believers in keeping their challenging emotions away from the kids, so while I knew all their tools and techniques for positive thinking about my diabetes, what I didn't know was that they needed those tools to get through the day just as much as I did. When I finally figured that out, as an adult, I wished they had let me in on it sooner. Jacob may not have other people in his life who are having the physical experience of diabetes right now, but you are probably right there with him in the emotional experience of it, and maybe knowing that would help him.
Hey,
Sorry I was not much help. For some few and far between and might I say lucky people the Omnipod works very well! I wish it worked for me! I know many Daibetics I have met via camps and meetings and I have yet to find more than 5 people out of the near 200 I have met the Omnipod has worked for! That does not mean it does not work for anyone though. I am sure as with every pump for some people it works great and for others it does not. If you think this might help I can make a youtube video not mentioning anything to do with Jacob no reference what so ever about my struggle with Type 1 as a teen. I have a story as we all do but maybe there are other kids out there that might benefit from hearing my story.
I certainly agree that interacting with other teens with D would be so helpful, but until he decides he wants to do it, there's nothing you can do. That's actually a typical reaction to groups of all kinds; people think they will hate "airing their dirty laundry" but once they get up the nerve to do it they realize how much it helps to be with others who can relate to what you're going through.
So, if there are limited things you can do to help him other than the many things you're already doing, what can you do to help yourself deal with your own frustration, anger, sadness, etc? Find like-minded people! Since I relocated last year to a rural area, I very much miss my Type 1 Women's Support Group. I discovered a group in a nearby town but when I went I discovered it was almost totally oriented to families of (young) Type 1's. As a 64 year old without children it had nothing to offer me, but for you it might be just what you need, other parents to relate to! If you contact the JDRF in your area I'm sure they have lots of parent/family oriented activities.
So sorry to hear, and I know how hard it must be on you too.
Not sure if this idea would help, but at one time I helped out with a support group with kids, although a bit younger, and not medical related. But they were having to adjust to something they didn't like, didn't cause, and couldn't prevent.
One of the activities was to read stories about kids in different situations, and ask the kids what they might say to the person in the story, to help them deal with that situation. We also asked them what they thought the character was feeling and thinking.
In general, when they described how the characters might feel, it may be a reflection of their own feelings, or how they describe feelings that may give you some insight.
Another thing we told them was that it was OK to be MAD at their situation, and not 'like it', but did need to learn to deal with it. During one meeting we let them yell and shout out if they felt like it - although that did turn out to be a bit crazy and loud.
It's also possible some of his sadness is a reflection of him feeling responsible for some of your sadness and hardship, as I felt towards my parents. My strongest memory was simply wanting 'it' to go away, and to be 'normal', and it just took time.
Having been a T1D since I was a teen for >40 yrs, my advice is to find a way for him to meet other T1D’s informally in “normal” situations. That is where I have always got my motivation for many years. I think you may see him blossom when Meeting other T1D’s. Some groups that have, meeting may be JDRF events or T1D mentor (check local chapter), D fund raisers (walk or ride for cure), and insulindependence.org.
Hope this helps.
Yes he is a child. But I have met many children who were told their whole life that they were "different". Many felt like they couldn't succeed because they were different. Like I said, different is a good thing but there are many parents that (not pointing fingers mom) that use different as a crutch or as a negative. I met many young men in scouting and in my professional life who are living with that for the rest of their lives. I'm probably a little more sensitive to that word then others are. If I offended any one I am sorry. That was never my intent.
i think you misinterpreted my change out his pod without much ado, i meant he went to the nurse and handled the situation well without it being a major crisis! i'll have to wait jacob out i think he had a tough academic week at school, his nature is towards introversion with a bit of teenage self consciousness, honestly i hear such awful stories of teens rebeling and not dealing with their D at all i think jacob is in a fairly good place his Aic is in the 7's so he is compliant, i honestly think getting a compassionate girlfriend will really take him out of his shell. as for me i tend to be my own counselor with my yoga thing and like minded friends( that being said noone gets the burden or stress of having a loved one or having diabetes unless they walk the walk, that is why i come here!) i have gone the therapy route and the conselor just wanted to dig for skeletons in my closet that werent there not help me deal with my current situation that had more to do with my husband not my parenting, i expect life to be full of both suffering and joy, i just want to help him more, it things really do not improve i will definitely consider professional help, maybe the school guidance counselor. all in all i am very proud of how jacob handles himself i just feel bad for the angst that not sharing with his friends has caused him. thanks!!!
i think your intent is spot on, i do not ever want him to put himself in the different category, i have tried to teach him diabetes is like having brown hair or crooked teeth, it is part of his genetic makeup and he has to deal with it, but it does not define him. i like the one happy diabetic's attidude on here, that he is actually a better, healthier more mindful person because of his D, i think he has a live chat coming up, maybe i can convince jacob to watch it with me, there may have to be some bribary involved but i find him sooo inspiring.....that being said we all know having diabetes is alot more of a burden than having crooked teeth!!