Warning - Rambling post to follow
I am in the depths of a burnout right now. I was initially diagnosed T2 5 years ago but after about 6 months could never gain control. I lost 70 pounds and thought I should be able to reduce my meds or even reverse T2, but my numbers stayed high. In May I saw a different doctor who did more blood work and changed my diagnosis to T1 (really LADA T1.5). I got on a CGM and was initially successful, but now there are days where I just don't care. I have taken great lengths to educate myself on multiple daily injections to manage my disease, but it is really wearing on my right now.
I am so very tired of the grind - the daily grind of calibrating the meter, taking the base dose shot, calculating the meal bolus and adjustment, watching the CGM go up then back down, figuring out the snack, calculating the lunch bolus, watching the CGM go up then back down, do I need a shot for that snack? - dinner bolus, ah crap I am low now - chomp glucose tablets, evening basal shot, calibrate the meter again - etc. etc. etc. At the same time, I am trying to be a good husband, good father to two boys, project manage a global deployment, keep track of the home budget and be a cub scout leader - it's just too much sometimes.
Now the sometimes too much is more like all the time, I know I need to wrestle the control back, but I just don't care.
I have been reading about diabetes distress, depression and other emotional/behavioral side effects and know something is cooking but I am not sure what exactly. I know I need to get out of this rut and take action to correct my current direction, but I just don't care.
Or am I crazy here?