How to deal with unwanted, un informed advice?

This is part rant, part question. I am sure there are those of you out there who are as sick as I am of well intentioned, un informed strangers, friends, family and loved ones who feel they can offer you advice on controlling your diabetes. One of my biggest pet peeves is someone else’s watchful / unapproving eye over what and how much I have on my plate. I think the maddest I ever got was when I was denied a piece of celebratory birthday cake ( red velvet mind you!!)… because I am diabetic. Last I checked, I am a grown woman who can decided what I eat. I graciously declined of course but fumed the entire time. Which I might have done regardless or atleast had a very small piece. What angered me was that my decision for my body was taken away from me. Ironically, the same woman who denied me the cake did however offer me an iced SWEET tea!!! I know in my heart of hearts she meant well… but i was infuriated. How can I tactfully yet firmly tell people to mind their own business?

Just tell them to mind their own business…lol. I kid, but I don’t. I have come across these people like any other diabetic. I work with another diabetic here at work, but when there is a b’day cake I always have a small piece but he does not. Since he has been here longer everyone was use to diabetics not having sugar.
Until one day at a b’day party he and I were sitting together, me with my cake and he with none and a non diabetic co-worker brought up the topic. I explained to her that I will either bolus for the cake or cut out other carbs in my lunch to compensate for it. I told them that I am not going to deprive myself in life, just eat in moderation with my eyes wide open.
Since that day one diabetic co-worker is not depriving himself anymore and having a small piece of b’day cake.
The no-it-alls just come with the territory. It is annoying, but I just do what I’m going to do. And I wouldn’t let someone deprive me of a slice of red velvet cake!!

You know, I would have asked for a piece anyway :slight_smile:

I can certainly relate to your story however. Since my diagnosis, my family is always calling to check up on me, and ask about what my doctor is doing for me or not doing for me. I am tired of it already.

Every phone call conversation I get from my family and friends (after the initial “hello”) since January 11, 2008 starts with “So how are you feeling?” You know, like I am sick or something…

People just don’t understand that EVERYTHING has sugar in it. My 8 year old son can be so cute. He already is weighing out for me what I can, and what I shouldn’t eat. He is so considerate of others that he will buy snacks or treats for his sister and my wife, usually candy bars, and then he’ll tell me, “Dad, all they had were chips and candy bars and I didn’t know what you could have”. That just gets me sometimes. I tell him that it’s okay for me to have stuff like that once in a while. Now he has started to come home with one extra, in case I decide to have something too.

I would tell people like the woman you describe, if they are inclined to help you manage…, that you know best how to manage your diabetes and that once in a while is okay, and that you appreciate her concern. Now give me the damn cake! It’s red velvet for crying out loud! :slight_smile:

thanks! I KNEW I shoulda swiped a piece.

Yeah… i completely understand… My 7 year old tries really hard to understand why I shoot up all the time what is exactly wrong with me. She has even taken to eating healthier snacks. I guess I am just resentful of people who can have a slice of cake or a freaking sandwich ( 1. because they are hungry or 2. just because I want one) without being second guessed.

With so many diabetics in this country, you would think people would develop a little tact. I make it a point not to tell other people how to live their lives, and they should respect us and the choices we make. But, for some reason, they don’t. Whether it is the decision to have that piece of cake or not have that piece of cake. I have a distant relative (who did not know I was diabetic) who got all over me because I did not have a piece of chocolate cream pie after dinner, despite my repeated polite declines. People will never get it.

When I get someone making a comment about that piece of cake (or the cookie) that I am having, my response is “Thank you for your concern, but I have decided that I am going to have this.” It usually shuts them up and prevents a repeat performance.

I tell them thank you for thinking of me, but I know my body and I know my diabetes. Just because you aunt, uncle so so has diabetes doesn’t mean we have the same type and doesn’t mean that I have to cut out all sugar.


This is just something you’re going to have to get used to and find a consistent way to deal with. My view is that people who want to deny you a piece of cake are well-intentioned but don’t know sh*t. That’s my working assumption. To avoid aggravation I do what others have already recommended and say something like “I know you mean well, but I know what I can eat and how much I can handle. Thank you SO much for your concern!” (Try to sound like Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson from “The Closer”).

Then smile and scarf down the cake before they can tackle you and pry it from your hands.


P.S. Try to avoid the snarky comments, like looking them up and down and sneering “Looks like you’ve had enough cake for BOTH of us.”

No we don’t have to cut out sugar and many people’s attitude is that if you bolus for it then it’s ok. But, really it’s not good for you and you shouldn’t eat it. A little will power could save you a bunch of complications down the road.

but snarky is such fun!

Actually, I would say most of our community would disagree, cdw. laughs Living a balanced life that includes dessert is not a symptom of a lack of will power. Anything but! It is a personal choice that embraces both freedom and flexibility. If you know your body, you and your physician know what choices you can make and continue to enjoy good health. It’s no one else’s business to police you.

I think that’s what upsets me the most… Is that ppl automatically assume you brought your diabetes on yourself and that it’s will power related. “if she hadn’t had the s’more as a girl scout, she’d be fine now”… heres a newsflash… my bs will be as hi fasting or if I eat a sensible meal OR if i ate a tub of toll house cookie dough ( not that i have tried the last one out )… EVERYTHING makes my bs go up… Until my current regime… it would be nothing for my monitor to “greet” me every now and then with just friendly “HI”… I am very insulin resistant, not to mention pregnant right now ( thats a whole other thread) So i am getting all kinds of advice from every walk of life Its nice to come here and see others feel my frustration.

Oh man…pregnant too?

It is one of my wife’s peves when other people decide to impose their “help” onto expecting mothers, so much so that she will confront the offender. Especially when new expectant mothers are involved.

Advice is one thing, but to tell someone to add a nip of whiskey to their night-time bottle or something like that just sends her right off the edge, heh.

Right now one of her close friends is pregnant (her first), and she is milking the whole experience…and consequentely driving Jodi nuts! Her friend really is being ridiculous, but Jodi recalls our own experience with our two kids, and knows to not get involved.

Depending upon whether or not you still want to remain friends/relatives, I’d push them down on the cement and step on their head.

ahhh a gentle, subtle approach :stuck_out_tongue:

Love it, that is how I feel when people give me unwanted advice.

lol, I would have said "Thank you, but I know my diabetes and my diet. If you would like me to help educate you I will do so. It’s not about what you eat it’s about moderation. lol, I have had people say some weird things…lol she meant well, don’t be to harsh…:slight_smile:

I am sure the intentions were good. That is something we all have to live with. But we just have to make them realize that it is our decisions to make as to what we eat and don’t eat. Of course a small piece of cake, particularly red velvet, does sound awfully good right now.

All this talk about cake. I am thinking red velvet, chocolate fudge, vanilla pound cake, german chocolate, white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, caramel praline cake, white mountain cake, pineapple upside down cake, lemon pound cake, blackberry bramble cake, cinnamon streusel cake. Ah well. And I haven’t even started on the pies yet. Has anybody got a plate and a fork?

and an ice cold glass of WHOLE milk…**** waits for the gasps from the cake nazis