Diabetes and Dialysis #11
I guess it happens to all of us. I know it happens to my fellow diabetics regardless of what type you are. Of course it also happens to me. You get to the point where you are just sick of it. I find myself with that feeling tonight after my five and a half hour four hour dialysis treatment.
I am still using a chest catheder because my av fistula access has not matured yet. Chest catheders, I have found, are very cantankerous. Move your head wrong and flow goes to nothing. No flow you get alarms. You get flow alarms and the pump stops. When the pump stops the treatment timer stops. When the treatment timer stops you have to spend longer connected the that blasted machine. I think that catheders are a spawn of satin.
I got my av fistula done the end of April. Most people heal and mature in about 12 weeks. I am at the 16 week point and feel like I have accomplished zilch...nada...zero...nothing.
I may (emphasis on may) have my grandson down here soon and I want to have water fights with him. No can do with the catheder. And for those that say tape a plastic sandwich bag over it all I can say is grown some chest hair and get back to me. Plus, I have tried that little trick before and found out that it ain't gonna work.
Not only water fights with the grandson but showers...nope. Sitting in the rain during a sumer rain storm...out. I did something this weekend that probably lead to some of my problems today...I went shooting. No long guns mind you. Just some pistol shooting.
The dressing over my catheder is ALWAYS visible to people. Unless you want to dress like a catholic priest or always wear a suit and tie. Have I ever told you how much I hate ties? Well I do.
I guess I could lie to people and tell them that I had a gross mole removed. But those that you see every day ain't gonna buy that one. Sixteen weeks for that little surgery to heal...come on.
I could just tell them that I am diabetic and I heal slowly. They see how fast my surgery for the fistula healed so no way that will play either.
Usually I just tell them the truth. Always have been that way and I was today as well. I told the entire center how I felt about dialysis in a very colorful way. If that don't get the point across how about I talked like the sailor that I am.
I told the center that I was ready to quit. I had enough. Disconnect me and let me the hell out of here. They did the right thing of course. They have seen this kind of attitude before. "We'll be there in a minute." That minute turned into another hour. Yep, they had handled that one before.
Oh I was still pissed when I got out of the place. Five plus hours and had the worst treatment number of my nearly forty to date.
So this blog is a rant plain and simple. I said that I was going to chronicle my travels dealing with this and well...this was the feeling today.
Will I stop the dialysis portion of my D & D parade? No. I understand what's at stake. To stop means a slow and somewhat miserable end. I might be 58 but I am not ready for that yet.
So I will hang in there.
Going to have shrimp for diner tonight. One of those things that is discourage by the dietician in my center. Well tough. I is eating shrimp tonight!
Bless you all for reading and especially those that comment. Writing this and having you folks read and comment is a great therapy for me.